Squasher of Pomegranates

I recently discovered Warhams and your art got me obsessed with polyvgenny. The Chaos Marines are so unhealthy with their human, its delicious : D. Though it makes me wonder how they would react if Yvgenny ran away from them. Not that I think he would in the campaign. But I'm still curious to hear your thoughts on this hypothetical scenario

Happy to entertain! :D (And spread the brainrot!) .....So we all know that the most impatient would be Byzanti. He's immediately clocking that something is off, the little orchestra they form is missing an instrument, what do you mean Yvgeny said he was going with me? He told me he was going with you! He is running. And right behind him is Bethael, because so far he's been winning this little competition for Yvgeny's soul, and damn, he LIKES the fierce little guardsman! His! His to hunt and bring back! Lyphos will pretend to be nonchalant about it. It's just one mortal, who cares. But.... But it's his mortal.... AND PLUS! Nobody can track him down as well as the magnificent Lyphos can, with his powerful magiks! He is floating after the other two, critiquing their methods the whole time, and making no headway himself either. XD

Just imagine Vlad Von Fucking Carstein engaging in normal Imperial politics, making deals in the senate and all those "normal" stuff.

Vlad, in his blood-red vampiric armour, leaving his literally blood-drinking sword, the Wailing Blade to a footman at the door and sitting down to discuss the impact of the current agricultural tax politics on Sylvania's peasant farmers.

Because by then he's a known historical figure. People have read about him in history classes and seen him in teathre plays.

Just imagine that you're a shrewd Noble merchant who just got wind of that Sylvania has been reinstated as a proper Province and since you just remembered that your family has some dilapidated holdings in one of their Sigmar-forsaken villages and you've decided to see if you can't finagle some favorable terms from the new Elector Count in exchange for pretending to improve the village somewhat.

You get to the meeting room, squeeze part the uncommonly large wolfhounds lounging close to the fireplace (it's huge! Surely there's barely any Hound in it! It's got to be mostly wolf! Clearly the new Count is a avid hunter to own such a beast. Probably hunts bears. That is good, you can play on that) and take a note of the massive sword resting in its scabbard against the wall, which you swear seems to softly moan and wait to itself (this is normal! Completely normal! The Elector Count is a native Sylvanian you've heard, of course he's gonna have a cursed sword! He's a bleedin' Sylvanian! This is normal this is normal this is nor...) and then the shadows close to the windows move and part and you see Him.

And it is HIM. The Blood-drinker Count. The Scourge of the Empire. The Instigator of the Vampire Wars. The Martyrer of Priests. First and Greatest of the Vampire Counts. It is fucking Vlad Von Carstein!

You feel like fainting as Vlad motions you to sit down and smiles with teeth that are sharper and longer than those of any beast and... pulls out a yellowing document with numerous annotations in a archaic but expert hand and your breath catches as you realize that you're looking at 450 years of perfectly documented taxes for Bumfuck, Sylvania and more specifically how much taxes your family has NOT paid for their holdings in the last 400 years.

You almost wish he'd just rip out your throat as Vlad pulls out a bone-rimmed monocle and starts to, in excruciating detail, go through exactly how economically fucked you are and in how many ways your family has failed in their obligations towards the village they own.

Vlad was a murderous dictator who almost crushed the Empire. But he's charming, reasonable and extremely territorial in a way that if he wasn't so deadset on becoming Emperor, there's a real argument to be had for the Empire to just give him Sylvania (which no one wants anyway) because that way you have a completely impenetrable bulwark guarding that border.

Because Vlad does NOT suffer invaders of his claimed territory lightly. He has defended Sylvania with a near-perfect record against maraudibg greenskins, Chaos hordes and Skaven swarms with equal skill.

He would actually be a great Elector Count if it weren't for his Imperial ambitions.

SECRET WEAD

weed ENDING

It is with utmost urgency that I commit to paper an occurrence so singular that I fear it may strain your credulity. I trust this message finds you in sound health and undisturbed repose, for I cannot say the same of those unfortunate enough to dwell within the vicinity of yo esteemed mama.

Having, by circumstances too tedious to recount, passed the evening beneath her roof, I was shortly after midnight awakened by a most dreadful and prolonged rumbling, so profound in its depth that I mistook it first for distant cannonade, then for an earthquake, and finally for the Last Trump itself. Imagine my astonishment upon discovering the disturbance emanated not from Heaven or the deepest bowels of Hell, but from the singularly vacant stomach of yo good mama.

The tumult was of such prodigious force that every sleeper in the household sprang from his bed in confusion. Even the old groundskeeper, who I know for a fact has slept through thunder-bolts and musket fire alike, emerged from his shack demanding to know who had sounded the alarm.

I entreat you, dear friend, to prevail upon yo mama to partake of a modest supper before retiring, lest her entire estate be compelled to awaken at the command of her insatiable stomach.

I remain, with every sentiment of esteem,

Your most obedient and humble servant,