AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

you are allowed to be wrong you are allowed to mess up you are allowed to be embarrassing.

i hear a good lyric and start mentally holding up blorbos like im in the home depot paint aisle comparing swatches

her eyes were the sickly green of the sky before a tornado, and to his horror he discovered she could throw cows around just as easily

to his horror? weak shit. outta my way gayboy im boutta get it

Bruh this coffee I bought is so good I'm so fuckin alert rn I could probably do a math problem

sits on my own blog like it’s the edge of a lake wistfully

skips a stone over a few posts

So like an hour ago I just lear🪨︵︵ned that— what the fuck was that. Someone just skipped a rock across my post did you see that

Whenever I see some anon asking an artist if it's "okay to take inspiration" from their art it makes me want to make some kind of manifesto or billboard or PSA or skywriting campaign to undo whatever damage strange litigious illustrator types inflicted upon the most basic foundations of the creative process. We can't let them get away with this

i had a twisted dream this morning when my alarm tried to wake me up where jeff goldblum said 'Actually if you sleep a bit Longer you'll have More time to get ready It's called the Goldblum's Law and it works just go back to sleep' and i believed him and i overslept

hey boss sorry im late. i got Goldblumed

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

goodposting example: hey guys, just fucked a bug

no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please dont vape your blueberry ice flavor around my kid. we are raising him on marlboro reds exclusively.