So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. Thatās what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dudeās house. But Iām very proud to say, this ended without violence.
So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebackerās explorer and headed over to dudeās house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of Iād say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was likeĀ āFINE. Go take what youāre looking for.ā
So weāre all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didnāt even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasnāt enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then thereās me. Who was causing general mischiefā¦. He said to take what I was looking for, thatās what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. BecauseĀ āyou guys look like you have it under control, and Iām a sucker for egg salad.ā We were in and out in 15 minutes.
So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirlās spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we donāt. She sent us all an email once and didnāt blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex.Ā āOMG what did you say to him?ā Nothing. Weāre not messenger boys. Weāre delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and askedĀ āWtf is all that shit.ā So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was likeĀ āSoā¦. Chipotle?ā And we all got burrito bowls.
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