diary of the sun

I never knew how much I needed to know that someone would care if something happened to me.

I think I'm finally happy. I've got what I've always been missing - the love. But... why am I scared though? I'm so afraid that it will turn out to be just a dream... afraid that I can barely keep it and I will loose if I do one wrong move. Please don't go, please never go...

pls reblog if you agree

I hate being me. I'm so fed up with myself... I look at the mirror and I'm annoyed by the person I see.

I want to leave everything behind me and disappear forever. I don't feel like being alive any day longer...

I think that most people believe in what they want to be true. Some people believe in heaven, some in another life... I don't know what I believe in. But I hope that after we die there will be just nothing. Not darkness, not light, just nothing. You know, we just stop existing and we don't see anything or hear anything or feel anything. Just like there was nothing before we were born, there will be nothing after we die - that's what I want to believe in.

To be honest, I never loved him, I just loved the idea of being loved. I loved the way he was thinking about me, looking at me and touching me. He treated me the way nobody ever did and I loved it. But I didn't love HIM.

Last Saturday I tried to kill myself again. Today I thought to myself "wow, I could've been dead right now... I actually would rather be dead."

I hope you call me some cute names. You can call me sun if you don't have any ideas. Yeah, I really wish you called me sun because you're probably my whole sky...

Everyone thinks I'm fine and I'm really glad that they think so because I don't want to make anyone upset but at the same time I know that I'm worse and worse every day... One week of taking diet pills just passed and there's not a single soul (accept for me and you) that knows that I'm doing it.

I remember when my heart was broken and I thought to myself that nothing will ever hurt more than being broken hearted. Now I know that breaking heart of someone who you care about... Hurts twice as much.