Jul 22
The art of being alone written by Renuka Gavarani.
It is my best friend on the go pocket book.
It gives my life a purpose when times i am alone, and the only person can help you is only YOU.
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The art of being alone written by Renuka Gavarani.
It is my best friend on the go pocket book.
It gives my life a purpose when times i am alone, and the only person can help you is only YOU.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
The thing about feeling things intensely is that it makes you afraid to connect to people. Some people feel emotions very "rawly", but most people, even if they're sensible, sometimes feel overwhelmed by the ones that are intense. So, most of the time, you put a mask on and try to contain all these feelings that are so comfortably "big" for you, but it will probably overflow the other person's glass. So the connection ends up being almost one sided or just...small.
Still better than not having one... I guess.
To be alone in a crowd...
... maybe you get it, maybe you don't. The feeling of seeing everything, but never being seen. Just having a shitty day/week/month. I promise I'll cheer up and stay quiet until i have a new fanfic to put here.
The outsider
Would the skies turn dark and weep, if they knew why I’ve lost sleep?
Or would they simply laugh and mock at a lamb without a flock?
I know I’m no one’s kind, misfit in flesh, and soul, and mind.
Still, I’m burning to belong; to join the choir, burst out in song.
From the shadows I observe, in awe of others’ strength and verve.
If we could only share the load, for a short time down the road.
But for me the heavens never tear, I’m all alone with shame and fear.
With someone by my side, maybe the dam would break inside.
​I hate whatever it is that’s causing this congestion—whether it’s a swollen adenoid or allergies, I don't even know.
​I hate existing in a way I never wanted to.
​I hate that everyone is so messed up.
​I hate whining and crying even though it changes absolutely nothing.
​I hate feeling like I’ll never find someone who truly understands me.
​I hate that I have to keep going just on the hope of finding something better.
​I hate that I can’t focus on the good things.
I hate not being able to sleep at night.
​I hate feeling absolutely nothing all day, only to feel it all crashing down the moment I try to sleep.
​I hate being all alone in my room.
I hate that I can’t get genuinely close to anyone.
​I hate that the only person I actually want to open up to is out of reach.
​I hate that the things I love right now don't seem to matter at all.
​I hate not knowing if the things I love are even real.
​I hate that the things I love go against everything society stands for.
​I hate knowing that if someone tries to get close to me after reading this, I won't be able to see them as someone truly valuable to me. Because I'm always chasing the love of people who run away.
Okay, while it's at the front of my mind. If I'm going to stick around (which i need to even if I don't want to for my kids if for no other reason) i need to employ some creative ideas.
Such as:
If the weather is good enough, instead of scrolling on my phone, go outside and either pull weeds or go for a walk or a bike ride.
If the weather is bad, put on a movie and either paint, draw or knit.
I've signed up for an event update email for this community event center that's literally 2 blocks from me. I've already bought tickets for an event coming up in about 2 weeks. There will be food and trivia.
Think of a meal I love to eat that takes a lot of prep and a lot of attention such as my favorite creamy Tuscan salmon and various baked goods.
I need to do this stuff even if I really don't want to. And most of the time, left up to my own preferences i will stay in my house with YouTube on TV while looking at Tumblr. My sister is my best friend, but she can no longer drive and more than half the time she doesn't feel well, so I can't rely on her to lovingly force me to get out of the house.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
"What is life without affection?"
Satellites - Enter Shikari
Generosity in Paradise
I heard online that "Loyalty in isolation is like generosity in paradise". I don't quite get it. If you were in isolation why would you not value a person being loyal to you romantically or platonically. I get the generosity in paradise part, if I had everything I want or need and so does everybody else it would be off-putting if somebody wanted to hand you a wad of cash.
I don’t need another lesson.
I don’t need another explanation.
I don’t need another reminder to be patient.
I need affection.
And I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
##love #loneliness #queer #personalblog #humanconnection #life
