Sunny

Torture refers to the intentional and systematic use of significant physical or psychological pain and suffering for the express purpose of breaking the victim's will. It is a legitimate category of abuse that requires unique interventions on both a legal and clinical level, and it is severely underdiscussed and misunderstood.

People are not invalidating your trauma by pointing out the difference between abuse and torture. People aren't even necessarily claiming their trauma is worse than yours either. While torture will always be severe by nature, that doesn't mean that abuse can't also be just as severe, or even more severe, while still not meeting the definition of torture.

"my memory sucks, sorry" (true)

"Dang I'm really tired today, mb" (lies, we said this multiple times a day every day)

"Sorry, I need to write everything down or I forget it, can you repeat that?" (partially true, but we also forget to write things down so it doesn't help)

Now that we do know, it sucks that we can't just tell people why we forget things. We have to continue to rotate through these phrases and apologize profusely because saying "sorry, I switched in right after you said that, can you repeat it?" is NOT an option in our life right now. Especially working in food service, like we're not about to say that to a random customer who already hates our guts for getting the order wrong.

DID and OSDD are DISSOCIATIVE disorders. The existence of a system/alters is a SYMPTOM of the disorders. They are caused by DISSOCIATION. OSDD1 is not the only valid type of OSDD, and other types don't have alters as a symptom-- they are still dissociative disorders.

What my friends see when they look at me:

Don't use Simply Plural or other tracking apps off the bat

We did and have friends that also did and it made them overly aware which made talking to each other harder.

It felt like we were on lock down, playing a game of "stay out of the light or be put on trial"

Being plural was new to most of us, which meant it was surprising and overwhelming to those that weren't aware

Using a tracking app amplified anxiety about a multitude of things like if we were "doing it right" "how much information is enough information?" "how do I know who's around?"

If you don't know anyone in your system, tracking isn't useful. You're just putting unnecessary pressure on yourselves to know things right away.

Start slow. Use a journal to ask if anyone wants to talk.

It will feel silly and odd, but a lot of the time (in our experience) someone will come out after a few minutes. Which is to say you have to give it time. Set aside at least half an hour to write and/or doodle (if you have a fancy sketchbook or journal I'd suggest getting something cheap for this) and open the space to whoever wants to come forward.

Really just invite others to use the body with you. It's important not to attach any strings like having to write a certain way or speed. And wait. Do your own doodles. It can just be tornados or smiley faces. Repeating thoughts. If you are doing this for awhile ask if anyone has any opinions about what you've written/drawn.

You may get no response. Thats okay. Keep trying.

Look for other ways to connect.

@semiplural has a lot of great resources in their pinned and has even written a book (that's free!!)

Last of all try and not compare yourselves to other systems too much. If you don't see your experience reflected in someone else it doesn't mean it doesn't exist, and even if someone else hasn't had a similar experience (which is unlikely) that doesn't mean its somehow wrong or fake. Brains are hella complex and so is the human experience.

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There's been systems who dont know the basics of dissociation and memory self diagnose themsleves after learning what an alter is (half the time it isnt even an accurate description of parts in general, very dummied down versions)

We are NOT anti self diagnosis btw!! We are anti not knowing your disorder before self diagnosing it

Its just frustrating seeing people not understand the basics of dissociation and memory and even identity,, its kinda upsetting to see so many people spread and believe misinformation about CDDs,,

Spreading the misinformation is also frustrating because it means actual systems either get into bad communities or lose the resources they could be using,,

DID/OSDD are DISORDERS.

It's okay to not seek/have a diagnosis for a BUNCH of reasons (including financial, living situation, safety, employment related, etc), but the thing you might have is a disorder that has been researched within the medical field.

"Sysmed" is an insane thing to call someone who prefers to listen to what scientists and doctors say instead of a random Google document or email thread saying otherwise. I'm so sorry I prefer to listen to professionals on the topic instead of a mentally ill minor who thinks that having alters is a cool and fun thing.

Anyway, reminder that I block freely, and if you're blocked by me- it's because you either left a spam message on my art sideaccount or you were posting pro-endo/neu-endo BS.

I understand it can be hard to realize your friend isn't exactly how you thought they were, but they're still you're friend. It's likely you've met their other alters, they just didn't say who they were.

Forgetting things is morally neutral! Memory issues are morally neutral!

You're not a bad person if you...

forget things quickly

forget people

can't remember entire stages of your life

can't remember important things

can remember some things very well and forget other things all the time

can't remember things (or anything!) about your interests

forget to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, etc

forget to reply to texts

remember things and immediately forget them again

can't remember birthdays, events, etc

frequently answer 'I forgot' to questions

can't retain new information

forget things you used to know

only remember things when it's too late

have vague, distorted and/or unreliable memories

depend on others to know how an event you were in played out

have other symptoms that are worsened by memory issues and vice versa