what is the point of lukewarm love?

— pinterest

Nate couldn’t help the downwards turn of his lips when she mentioned him always having the advantage, the frown settling onto his face before he could stop it. “You know that’s not true,” he said stiffly. Not for real, not with what actually mattered, not in a place like this. Too many people at Luxor had their advantages come from their parents, their families, their bank accounts, opportunities provided Nate would never even be able to sniff at, and he was all too aware of it. 

He let Parker approach, making no move to pull away even as her motives were clear as day, holding his face neutral as he prepared for her attack, trying not to show he knew what was coming. It was easier to focus on that then her question, not wanting to show that she unsettled him, that to answer would to be reveal things that he held too close to his chest, that he couldn’t trust her with. As her hands found his shoulders, Nate let himself be pushed under, basking in the feeling of being underwater for a moment, the silence that came with it, before he reached for Parker’s hips - an easy grasp, from underneath her. He yanked her down, wrapping his arm around her waist as he pulled her towards him, before using the momentum to carry them both to break the surface, Nate holding the redhead now. “You remind me,” he said, not explaining what she reminded him of before his lips found hers, kissing her rather than elaborating on the hurt behind the words. 

⸻

the joyous shriek that left her at the tug of nate’s arms was cut short by the feeling of once again being pulled under. but more than the chill of the water coming over her face, more than the feeling of breath being held in her lungs, she was aware of his arms around her. his holding her, his grasp. parker’s senses were instantly, keenly aware of the familiar and yet somehow foreign feeling. the closeness of someone significant who also felt like a stranger. comfortable, strange, exciting. it lingered with his touch once they broke the surface, hands slipping behind his shoulders and creating a secure hold. eyelids rapidly blinked away at the water as she tried to hold nate’s gaze, some taunt or another swiftly cut off by his words.

you remind me. the statement brought a minor crease to her brows, though she refrained from speaking. something about doing so didn’t feel right. not that her mind even had the time to land on the right words, every spare thought going out the window with his kiss. without hesitation, parker deepened it, a hand moving up into his hair. after some seconds she pulled back, eyes flitting around the space before coming back to his. “okay, you win,” she spoke quietly, some double meaning sparking behind her eyes. then, after a beat, she added, “want to go shower off?” a small smirk captured her lips, wanting to extend this moment—this feeling—for as long as she could.

Tiva’s playful expression straightened out, her chin lifting up as she considered Parker for a few moments, eyebrows creating a deep crease in her forehead. “Excuse me?” she said after a few beats, the corners of her lips curling up in a smile again, though this one had the slightest sinister edge to it. Her mind flipped back over the things she had told the therapist, vaguely remembering bringing up Luca, though that was the least of her worries. It’s not like Tiva was embarrassed by the fact that she had slept with them, once upon a time in their history. But there was certainly more damaging things she had shared. Mistakingly, clearly.  “I don’t know what you think you misheard, but I assure you, I’ve been quite comfortable and assured of my sexuality for years. Got the milk for free, didn’t buy the cow or whatever the saying is,” she added, shrugging one shoulder like it wasn’t that big of a deal, even as a hazy buzz filled her ears. “And if you’re going to eavesdrop, I suggest being a bit more clear about what info you’re walking away with.” 

⸻

the dread began to sink in, though parker maintained an appearance of naïveté. she knew what it was like to have her sexuality questioned, ridiculed, picked apart. it no less than disgusted her to play the opposing role, the feeling not helped by the fact that her motivations weren’t really her own. even so, parker attempted a small smile—a quiet laugh under her breath, even—at tiva’s milk-cow analogy. she couldn’t say she’d heard it before, nor immediately understood what it meant, but she was happy for the miniscule lift in mood it brought, anyway.

“oh,” the redhead then responded, eyes briefly widening like a baby deer’s, “—i didn’t eavesdrop. i actually came across a scan from the therapist’s notes, just lying on the floor in the dorms. very burn book-esque.” her eyes rolled fleetingly. “i don’t know, maybe the therapist left it out in the open. maybe they made copies for the rest of the staff, with their whole... mental health campaign going on.” her tone turned to a murmur. “wouldn’t be the first time person information has been exploited for someone’s benefit, i guess.” as if to sweep the prior comments away, parker shook her head and came to a sudden stop. an apologetic look washed over her face, eyes locking on tiva’s. “i honestly thought you knew. i’m sorry, i was wrong. i wouldn’t have said anything at all if i didn’t think you knew and were equally disgusted with how luxor’s handled this.”

-

Carew chuckled as she accepted his handshake. Was he being ridiculous? Perhaps a tad. But after the month he’d had it felt almost justified. His eyes moved from the poor soul at the end of the bar who’d held his attention for longer than he cared to admit as he turned back to Parker. “It’s D’Mello by the way.” He corrected with an all too cheeky grin as he picked up his drink and took a long sip. “And you mean to tell me that people watching isn’t reason enough?” He asked, as though there was even the sliver of a chance that it was his actual answer. “I’m decompressing from a little too much time with family and a little too much business talk over the last month if you catch my drift. Wasn’t feeling ready to dive into festivities just yet. How about yourself? You here waiting on someone?” 

⸻

the correction merely brought parker to shrug, a knowing smile shaping her lips in return. of course she knew she’d butchered his last name. in fact, she prided herself on being able to memorize names and faces with impressive speed—a talent that was heavily suggested by her mother growing up. her brows rose at his explanation, smile breaking into quiet laughter when the true nature of carew’s time spent at the bar was revealed. “all business, no pleasure is no way to live. especially for as long as a month,” parker chimed, glancing over at their subject. who, on the other hand, seemed to be experiencing a too much pleasure and little to no business. a pause followed, the girl clearly considering her answer before speaking it. “would you think it sad or boring if i told you i actually like sitting at bars alone sometimes?” she asked, chin coming to rest in her palm. “in fact, if you could leave—” she turned to face the nearest exit, hand motioning that way as well. however, the taunting nature of the ask was obvious as she turned back toward him.

-

“Surely if we wanted to conceal our identities, the better way to do that would be wigs,” Noor agreed, lifting her hand to shield her eyes as she peered up at Parker, the smile on her lips making it clear how she felt about that suggestion. “You seriously have to ask if I’m in? If I’m down to toy with a mans emotions like that? Oh, babes, I’ve never been more in on anything,” she said, preening in the sun at even the idea of it. “What are our histories? Are we on the run? Or lovers looking for a third? I can think of plenty of different ways we can take this,” she said, this exactly the type of thing Noor looked forward to doing while on a night out. “But you’re the actor. I can leave that up to you - leave making us looking hot enough to pull any story off to me.”  

⸻

“you’d fake looking for a third with me?" parker cooed, brows pointedly raising after a beat. “unless it’s not faking.” another beat passed before laughter escaped her. at that, she extended a hand towards noor, prompting her to stand so that they could make their way back inside. “if you’re doing us up, i’m sure whatever story we prepare will only be half listened to, anyway.” her eyes rolled jovially, parker reaching out to open the glass door once she’d reached it. “god, it’s me again, parker. grant me the luck of making out with a man or woman who will stop every so often to consider the words coming out of my mouth.” having stepped inside, she held the door for noor, going as far as to quickly motion a cross across her body.

Luca never needed much convincing to hit the party scene with a group of friends, and they’d received an endless flow of daily invitations to liven a night out. Tonight, he accompanied a group of well-known names that significantly boosted his social media clout. With a few strategically taken selfies and if he swooned the right person, they’d receive priceless promo for their sneaker resale business.

Parker hadn’t initially been a part of the night’s plan but seeing her red hair push through the crowd was enough persuasion for Luca to fit her into the night. Her constant doting never hurt, either. Luca grinned, eyeing the chic outfit she boasted, respectfully if anyone had asked. “Mi luz,” he teased and placed a heavy arm around her shoulder. Luca pulled Parker in for a brief hug, pulling away to examine the other’s look of mischief. He brushed hair from her shoulder, keeping close to pick up her words over the club music. “Looks like you’ve already got the drinks covered,” Luca teased, not oblivious to the sweet alcohol on her breath. “Come dance with me. You can show me your white girl moves,” they decided, plucking the glass from Parker’s fingers. He took a sip of her drink, holding back a face at the taste of alcohol before he set the glass down on the bar. There would be no puking or drunk babysitting on his watch.

⸻

parker beamed at the warm response, instantly put at ease by the weight of their arm around her. her eyes then rolled in a fashion not dissimilar to a giddy high schooler being called out on an obvious crush. sure, she’d already had a few drinks, but she was fine. it was fine, everything was fine. better than fine, even, now. in fact, parker was quick to bring her drink back to her lips to prove that fact, taking a decently long sip. what could she say, she’d been sipping champagne since she was sixteen, she could handle herself well-enough—or so she liked to think. she was momentarily reluctant to let the glass go, eyes widening as it was pulled from her lips, but otherwise there was no putting up a fight. especially not after the words dance with me had registered.

-

Nate flinched away from Parker’s splash, one arm going up to block most of the water as he laughed, the sound boyish, especially in comparison to his normal sour countenance. “Mortal enemies?” he echoed, eyebrows raising up on his forehead as she clutched at his shoulders, Nate’s hands hovering around her hips under the water to make sure she wouldn’t slip back under the surface, amusement clear on his face. “You really sure you want to go there right now?” he asked, tipping his head down slightly to murmur the words to her, peering at her from under his eyelashes as he smirked. 

The expression only lasted a moment, Nate’s seriousness returning as Parker pulled away, keeping herself upright in the water without his support. Did she scare him? Perhaps she didn’t mean it seriously, but Nate considered, trying to gauge, trying to figure out what the answer to that question was. Genuinely, even if it wasn’t how he was going to answer her. In a lot of ways, she did. “No. I don’t think scare is the right word,” he said after a few moments of silence, shrugging up his shoulders. “Besides,” he added after a beat, quirking up one side of his smile. “I think we both know who has the advantage right now,” he pointed out, anything to keep this conversation from returning to being serious, take his turn to splash Parker with some water as he let himself float a safe distance away from her. 

⸻

both palms rose in a clearly too late attempt to block a majority of the splash, eyes squeezing shut. if she couldn’t beat him at offense, the least she could do is try to maintain a not-pitiful defense. in an attempt to help her odds, parker hurried to remove her button up, which kept billowing in the water and severely inhibiting her range of motion. with a thwack it was set just outside the pool, leaving only a white bralette clinging to her chest.

“you always have an advantage,” she countered with a knowing smile, returning to face him. nate was reserved. nate—this newer, stiffer nate—at least acted like, for the most part, he just didn’t care. and while part of that made parker feel badly for him, it also meant that he wasn’t the one that ended up putting himself out here, potentially making a fool of himself. unlike parker, who apparently couldn’t resist putting her hand on the stove if it meant she might feel even a little warmth. even now, she slowly drifted towards him, the whole idea of them being good and okay being immediately thrown into a trial by fire. or water, rather. “so if scare isn’t the right word,” she picked up, still edging closer, “what is? intimidate? unnerve?” as the last word left her lips, so did a laugh, parker lunging forward and pressing her hands to his shoulders in an effort to push him under. with the touch barrier long broken, she just couldn’t help herself.

“Books? On spring break? Mmm, I don’t know about that,” Tiva said in a low hum, her lower lip pouting outwards as she glanced at the cover of the book before looking back at Parker. “Not exciting at all,” she corrected, her smile returning on her face as she linked her elbow through Parker’s, happy to pull the other girl along with her. At Parker’s question, a slight hint of confusion crossed her face, Tiva looking over at the redhead, disbelief on her face. “Baby…” she said, the word just teetering on the edge of being a whine. “Have I not been obvious enough yet? I’m definitely not tryng to impress any guys.” 

⸻

tiva’s confused expression was immediately met with one of toying skepticism. all playful, all naïve. parker even threw her a look that said, oh, come on, it filling the space between her comment and the redhead’s. “look,” parker spoke in a low and casual tone, turning to look forward as they walked, “i, of all people, know how embarrassing it can be to be attracted to men at times.” a lighthearted laugh accompanied the words, parker gently squeezing tiva’s arm with her own. “—let alone want to impress any of them. it’s 2022, blah, blah, blah. but it’s actually easier to get past the ew, you like guys, i’m so sorry for you bullshit than you’d think.” parker’s book-clad hand rose as if to physically wave away the comment. a very real one she’d been on the receiving end of a handful of times.

“i mean, i’m sure that’s what the therapist said when you told them, right?” at that, parker chanced a glance in the other’s direction, bambi eyes wide and innocent. encouraging, empathetic. though, her expression quickly soured as a new thought seemed to come to mind. “not that i’m a big fan of the luxor therapist, myself. if you can’t maintain client-staff confidentiality, why bother encouraging us to say anything? it’s awful what the staff has allowed them to get away with.”

A small smile played across Sav’s lips at Parker’s expression that seemed to agree with her, enough for Sav to feel validated in her advice, hopefully having at least somewhat soothed Parker’s unease with Nate. Though Sav still maintained that it was Nate, and he wasn’t worth the distress. Sav let out a snort, rolling her eyes at the redhead, her smile widening. “No, just the guy you’re banging,” she said in a sing-song voice, tilting her face up to the sun as she closed her eyes, if only to not have to see the expression on her friend’s face as she pointed that one out. 

She let out a sigh, turning her face back to look at Parker with a frown. “Yeah,” she said, her amusement fading away if she wasn’t going to be able to tease Parker about Nate. “Like I said, don’t go after your best friend’s ex. Especially don’t when he’s sleeping with what seems like half the campus. And…if you do happen to do that, maybe disclose that you may have slept with some of his friends. Not speaking from experience or anything though,” she said, a small laugh leaving her lips. “I think our dumbest decision was going to prom with other people, though.” 

⸻

for what felt like the hundredth time, parker’s eyes widened and jaw dropped in childlike shock. the kind of caught-in-the-moment surprise that mirrored that of a child who cried out, i didn’t eat any of the cookies! with a face absolutely littered in crumbs. some sort of humorous sound left her throat as she attempted to find the right words to respond with—if there even were any. nudging sav with her foot, her mouth shut and arms crossed over her torso. “not currently banging,” she corrected in a low mumble, eyes not daring to flicker in the blonde’s direction. “just the one time...” before another laugh could even find either of their ears parker was covering her face with her hands. perhaps if she covered if effectively enough, sav wouldn’t be able to tell that she maybe, probably, admittedly would possibly, under certain circumstances, go down that route again.

unlikely. luckily enough—or, at least parker considered it so—the conversation wound its way back to the other half of things. “noted,” she replied with a lazy nod, eyes already wandering up to the sky in thought. “although...” both hands rose in front of her as she began to count. “probably sleeping with half the campus... something about a best friend’s ex...” already, parker had lifted a few too many fingers, gaze falling to look at them. “all i need is to hook up with his friends and not go to prom and my bingo card’s full! victory is soooo close, i can taste it.” she couldn’t help it—she just couldn’t maintain the somber tone. and perhaps that was for the better, for both of them. “no, no, okay, fine, i’ll listen.” a few silent beats followed. then, “maybe.”

“How the fuck is that bullshit?” Nate said, his voice a rough snap in retort to her, raising in parallel with Parker’s. He knew she didn’t get it, he knew she wouldn’t be able to understand, and yet somehow that confirmation hurt him all over again, the reminder of what it felt like when he realized the truth. “We did try, Parker. And I still got fucked over by being part of…that world. Your world,” he said, a sneer coming over his face for the briefest of seconds before he controlled his expression again. “People like you, like your family…they’ll always fuck over people like me and my family. Always.” He stopped speaking, his last word ending abruptly as his eyes shifted down to look at his hands on her thighs as she called out. He couldn’t bring himself to lift them up now that she had pointed it out, his eyes darting up towards hers, a hint of hurt in them, before he yanked himself back from her completely, pulling himself away from the wall of the pool. 

“Things aren’t bad between us,” Nate said with a shrug, lifting his hand to rub at the back of his neck, this conversation immensely more awkward now that there was distance between them, unable to distract himself with the feeling of her skin underneath his hands, knowing he could distract her away from the convo with one move. “But yeah. That sounds okay, P,” he said, his words exhausted, even his posture slumping. He let out an exhale, his lips parting with the audible sigh, before he move in closer to Parker. “And my hands were on your thighs…” Nate paused, sliding his hands back up her legs again, eyes settling on hers. “So I got the chance to do this,” he added after a beat, the words barely out before his hands had moved to grasp her hips, yanking her to his bare torso and pulling her into the water with him, for a moment feeling like the far more light-hearted teenager who had dated Parker in the first place, and looking all too pleased with himself as she resurfaced. 

⸻

"is that what i did? i fucked you over?” parker asked quietly, gaze still trained on nate as he pulled away. it wasn’t a question she expected to gain a response out of. more of a point to be made. fucking someone over just wasn’t the kind of person she was. perhaps it was typical for someone to think only the best of themselves in that way, but she knew this of herself. the idea that one day she’d shrug off her kindness and screw him over for some sort of personal gain was heartbreak all over again.

you were always perfect to me. it’s not you, it’s just the way things are. people like you will always fuck over people like me. always.

before parker could decide whether to say something else or merely offer a dissatisfied smile and walk away, he was nearing her again. her eyes refused to waver while he spoke, still captivated by the conversation. anything he had to explain, any questions he would answer, she elected to hear. even, foolishly, one that would catch her off guard and end up with her in the water. before a don’t you dare or even a no could leave her, she’d been fully submerged. upon breaking the surface she inhaled a gasp of a breath, hands frantically reaching for his shoulders. “you are so predictable, nathaniel shaw,” she chirped, sending a splash in his direction. never mind the fact that she had clearly been taken by surprise. for a moment she even laughed. “i take it back, we’re mortal enemies, now.”

once her heartrate had managed to slow, once the laughter died off, she removed her hands from him. instead, they moved at her sides, keeping her afloat. “you’re wrong about me.” the words hung in the air as she looked back at him, blinking some droplets from her lashes. “but it’s less scary to say fuck all of them than it is to risk it.” it was an amusing thought—nate being afraid of her. of what she could do to him. one fascinating enough to draw her a few inches closer, as though she could even begin to intimate him. “do i scare you?” parker asked in a near whisper. her tone was genuinely curious, but the slightly growing curve of her lips suggested minor teasing. not because she took his position lightly, but because, well—look at them.

sophie cleared her throat as she approached the other, a blush evident on her cheeks, “so this is super awkward…but i’m playing truth or dare with my friends and i was just dared to kiss you…” the blush was spreading, cheeks red now but thankfully the dim lighting didn’t reveal it all completely, “do you uh…think that’d be okay? if i kissed you?”

⸻

parker was already riding a bit of a tipsy wave, having been sitting at the bar for the last, oh... forty-five minutes? an hour? if the ever-present and beaming smile on her lips as she turned to face the other wasn’t proof enough, the gentle flush in her cheeks was. what could she say? she loved a mojito. or three. if it was good enough to be earnest hemingway’s favorite, it was good enough for her. only having briefly glanced away to set her glass down, parker blinked back at the other, brows raising a touch at the interesting lead-in. a quiet laugh then slipped out under her breath—amused, flattered. not mocking. “wow, consent is sexy,” she replied, tone teetering on teasing. then, offering a grin, she added, “how about we get you a drink first? make the whole thing look really realistic.”

Carew waited, knowing better than to rush but not wanting to give her too much time to fully assess the situation before offering her hand as though to seal the deal on this bet. “Oh I absolutely do. If I had a deck of cards or some dice I’d find a slightly less intrusive game to play, but alas I am without both which means our poor friend over there has become the game of the evening.” He announces it just quietly enough to ensure they’re not over heard as he looks back to him. “2 minutes. Sounds fair. I’m gonna give him 5. I’d even wager he pops himself up. Takes another shot and then goes down hard.” 

⸻

though she’d only meant to confirm the initial bet he’d set, parker accepted the change in conditions and settled in to see what’d happen, official handshake and all. “you drive a hard bargain, mello, but i’m a sucker for some excitement,” she noted in a quiet and playful tone. honestly, she hoped the poor guy proved both their ends wrong and walked out of there ketchup free, but those prospects weren’t looking too good. “so,” she picked up, doing her best not to let her eyes wander back to the subject of their wager, “what has you sitting here at the bar all alone? aside from this thrilling show of people watching, of course.”

who: @luxorstarters​ What: A drinking game

“So don’t look now, but this guy at the end of the bar has been falling asleep over his plate of fries for the past 10 minutes. I’d bet you a shot he’s only got another couple minutes or so before he ends up with a face absolutely covered in ketchup.” He mused as he leaned back in his seat, side eyeing the student who’d clearly had a few too many. “Some people just can’t handle their liquor can they?” 

⸻

as discretely as possible, parker’s eyes flickered towards the opposite end of the bar, eyes only momentarily landing on the described target. a young man, a bit lanky, long enough dark hair that—if they were to fall forward onto their plate—would without a doubt get covered in the aforementioned ketchup. she pitied their apparent loneliness, though, if pressed, she’d have to admit that the small jerk up she’d managed to catch was pretty funny. “you really want to bet?” parker asked, looking back at carew with already brimming amusement. it didn’t matter that she didn’t care who ended up buying who a shot. the fun was in the game. “two minutes?”

towards the end of the spring break trip, things seemed to have fallen into a pattern. during the day, a number of students would head down to the beach, choose someone’s private pool to lounge at, or congregate at one of the few lavish restaurants on site. mahé had brought with it days of replenishing relaxation parker hadn’t even been entirely aware she needed. often you could find her sipping an orange or peachy drink poolside, eyes set on a book or whichever beautiful person had decided to share the space.

and then the sun would set. sure, the days were undoubtedly nice, but the nights were when everything and everyone would come alive. it wasn’t at all surprisingly to find a bevvy of luxor students mulling around the nearby bars and clubs, and tonight was no different. still, parker’s eyes couldn’t keep from widening in delight at the sight of luca, enthusiasm aided by her last couple of drinks. “luca!” she called out, squeezing through the people that filled the space between them, body clad in a tiny green set that made her hair pop even in the dim lighting. “my caliente, the hottest person in the room,” she doted, leaning in to give a half-hug, opposite arm held out of the way to prevent any drink spillage. “what’s the feeling tonight? are we doing shots? dancing? getting invited to a sketchy house party? all of the above?” ample amusement and anticipation flickered behind her eyes, free hand coming to rest on their upper arm.