thank god fish aren't into cash

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

In an effort to alleviate her sorrow after the tragic event, President Donald Trump reportedly comforted the grieving widow of a fallen soldier Thursday by assuring her that he will never die. “I know things are very difficult for you right now, but I hope you can take some solace in the knowledge that I am going to live on forever,” said Trump in a phone call to Deborah Stilling, attempting to sooth the woman who lost her spouse in Afghanistan with promises that he would outlast her, her children, and her children’s children.