suchtrashley

I was walking around my neighborhood and saw a bunch of police surrounding a small house for a drug bust. As I got closer, I heard the policemen barking aggressively, so naturally I was like, wtf??? And one of them caught my eye and said, “Oh, we’re trying to scare them out of there,” and minutes later a bunch of furries came out the house whimpering and shit.

evil beach boys wouldn’t it be knife

evil cyndi lauper girls just want to have gun

evil simon & garfunkel the sound of violence

I was baking a strawberry shortcake for my mom when I realized that I forgot the baking powder. I began to panic so I pulled the cakes out of the oven; they were already completely baked but they rose just fine without the baking powder? I was staring at them in confusion, trying to remember if I accidentally put yeast in the batter, when I felt a shadow loom over me. I looked over my shoulder only to find Luigi. Luigi tenderly took my hands and told me, “You need not worry, for I will accompany you in any and all of your baking endeavors.” I have never felt more loved in my life. I cried.

I thought this was the mother of all shitposts and then I saw the url

why do i never see the url?

No one reads urls on tumblr. Which actually works out well for the one-time-i-dreamt tumblr posts, I think, because just like the original person, we are not aware at first that we are inside the dream. And then at some point — usually towards the end when things have gotten weird enough that it’s clear this can’t resolve properly before the end of the post — we check the url and understand, much like a sleeper waking up. Once something goes up on one-time-i-dreamt it becomes a dream we all experience, together.

I love that on mobile, instead of getting bigger, it just looks like the picture is getting progressively less blurry, as if youre experiencing this from the perspective of someone coming out of a coma

… DUDE.

This will never stop being funny to me

botw link is roughly 5′2 and i have no idea what to do with this information