what do you do for a living?
I exist against my will.
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@studytolive
what do you do for a living?
I exist against my will.

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What am I gonna do with my one wild and precious life omg it can’t be phone in bed forever
Just told my friend that we are not going to have a Tolstoy of the 21st century because everyone treats their novels and stories like a game of dominoes
There
Y'know how novels before the rise of fandom so often revolved around human against human, human against self, human against nature, or human against fate etc? Now, it sometimes feels as though the central conflict of any novels, genre or literary is simply human against reactions.
Characters spend the whole story reacting to whatever gets thrown at them. Someone says something, they spiral. Something bad happens, they grow. Someone betrays them, they change. Everything important comes from outside.
I think part of that comes from the obsession with writing characters people will immediately latch onto. And the plot mostly exists to give them moments to react, emote, or be shipped.
A robbery shouldn't fail because the writer needs a lesson or a dramatic twist. It should fail because these people were always going to fail. Their pride, fear, greed, loyalty, or blind spots make the outcome inevitable. The plot shouldn't be happening to the characters; it should be happening because of them.
That's what I mean by human vs reactions.
Sylvia Plath, in a letter to Ruth Tiffany Beuscher, written c. July 1962, from Letters of Sylvia Plath Volume II: 1956-1963
Lake Mungo (Joel Anderson, 2008)

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Zelda Fitzgerald, Dear Scott, Dearest Zelda: The Love Letters of F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald
Sylvia Plath, Letters of Sylvia Plath Vol. II: 1956-1963
Sylvia Plath, from a letter to Ruth Tiffany Beuscher written c. July 1962
parachute, hayley williams x ivy, taylor swift

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One thing that worries me about the use of AI is whether or not it can worsen people's dementia and alzheimer's in the future. When my grandmother was first diagnosed, we got her math activity books. Now, my grandmother never had a formal education, but we did our best to keep her sharp, get her to do math and writing activity books, sudokus, playing board games that required some level of strategizing with her. Her family is prone to alzheimer's and dementia (both her siblings had it and deteriorated very very very quickly, which yeah, scares the shit out of me being her granddaughter) but she was the one whose mind lasted the longest, she only passed away two years ago, at 88, ten whole years after her initial diagnosis and sure, she had forgotten things, recipes and where she put her glasses and appointments, but she never forgot any of us, ten whole years in, she still remembered us. Now, this may have been luck, but doctors always said the constant mental work + companionship + medicine helped her a lot. So I'm thinking, these people who are now relying on AI for everything, from email-writing to thinking what's for dinner to casual conversations, I've even seen people rely on it to calculate what time they should leave their house if they need to be at a place at a specific time and their commute lasts X number of minutes. As if that's not... the simplest math operation possible? You shouldn't even need a calculator for that!!! Idk I don't know how long it'll take us to see the effects of this + exposure to brain-rotting short form content that is completely meaningless + people addicted to right-wing conspiracy style media. Idk I'm very worried. Please, read, read complicated books! Take up a book on philosophy and try to decipher it and make your own opinions on it, please buy a maths activity book and relearn how to do math, please get a hobby that involves lots of thinking and concentrating. PLEASE!!!
As a neurologist, I’ll give you the pretty name for it: cognitive reserve.
The way I explain it to my patients is that our neurons don’t regenerate. They make connections with each other and that’s it. If you don’t use your brain, they make fewer connections and, if one of them dies, you’re gonna miss it, because that was the only one that knew how to do X. Now, if each one of them has many, many connections, you won’t notice the difference when one of them dies. The others pick up the slack.
As of 2024, 45% of dementia risk factors are modifiable. Relevant to this conversation, 5% for less education and 5% for social isolation.
We absolutely are going to see the reflection of this, but it’s gonna take decades and it’ll be too late. So, for the love of your brain, pretend that it’s a muscle and make it work. People complain about “when am I ever gonna use this maths formula in my life?” You’re not. You’re teaching your brain to think logically. Those sinapses will be there for when you need to figure out your week’s schedule. English classes taught me how to interpret data and how to convey it in this text so it’s clear and you understand what I’m saying, not because I needed to justify why the curtain is blue.
Make your brain know how to do different things. Logic games, puzzles, taking care of a garden even if small, planning a church’s event or birthday, learn a new instrument, learn a few words in another language, look at a calendar every day, do some manual labor if possible. Do not, I repeat, do not let your brain get rid of sinapses by letting AI do everything. Your brain uses 20% of your body’s energy — do you really think it’s going to maintain connexions that aren’t in use?
Most cases of Alzheimer’s are sporadic, meaning no family history. Family history of a first-degree relative with Alzheimer’s starting before they were 80yo increases your risk in 2-3x on average.
TLDR: Yes. From the knowledge we have today, AI will increase the number and severity of dementia cases.
Alex Dimitrov, “Poem Written in a Cab”, Love and Other Poems
thinking about a soon to be unemployed 55 year old divorcee: i could be her second divorce
German Summer Gothic
The weather forecast says a heat wave is coming. It’s never been this hot before, you feel like taking off your entire skin. The Thermostat says it’s 23 °C. The basic rules of modesty do not apply anymore. You get as naked as you can possibly afford at all times. Can you wear a bikini top and boxer shorts to university? Your professor does. Flip Flop. Flip Flop. Flip Flop. You turn around to see if someone is following you. No one in sight. You walk a little faster. Flip Flop. Flip Flop. They’re almost here. You sit next to a stranger on the bus. Your thighs are touching. When you try to get up for your stop, you cannot move. The stranger is staring out of the window, but you can’t see their face in the reflection. Your upper legs have fused together and it will only be a matter of time before one of you consumes the other. It’s 36° and it’s getting heißer. Life doesn’t feel hard at all. It’s getting heißer and heißer. You try to turn off the radio, but as soon as you turn your back to it, it’s 36° again and it’s getting heißer. The Klimaanlage in the Deutsche Bahn is broken. It’s always been broken. You’ve heard people say there is a single car where it works, but it’s never the one you’re in. The doors of the Tram open and 50 hungry lungs breathe in in unison. You don’t hear anything but the rattling over the Weichen until the next stop. You didn’t know you could hold your breath this long. You come home to find all of your shoes have been replaced with Flip Flops. Even the Sandalen you put on your own feet this morning have transformed while you were out, it seems. Or did you put them on? You can’t remember. There’s no answers. You wake up to the sun shining in your face. It’s 4 am and your window is on the north side of the house. Mom asks you to mäh the Rasen. You are sure you did it yesterday, but you also feel your nostrils longing for the smell of frischgeschnittnem Gras. How long has it been since you’ve eaten anything? The Flutschfinger at the Kiosk is 4,50€ now.

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must become perfect in 1 week. must defeat the self
Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals