oh calamity

Everything about this is a masterpiece: the girl that says “wow” and the girl that says “hi” shyly and bill awkwardly lifting his hand to say hi to them I’m cracking THE FUCK UP

when you can hear a singers accent in a song (◕‿◕✿)

BUT AYE WOOD WALK FAYVE HUNDRED MAYLES AND AYE WOOD WALK FAYVE HUNDRED MORE JUST TA BEE THA MAN HOO WALKED A THOOSAND MAYLES TA FALL DAWN AT YER DOOR

and when Persephone was in the underworld she ate just one bite of avocado toast and so, from thence forth, was cursed to never own a home

that was a religious experience

me

I’ve never seen a butt-mounted camera, but damn, this dog knows where he wants to go, and goes there fast.

His little ears flopping in he wind

THIS IS THE QUALITY CONTENT I WANT TO SEE

there’s just something better about sitting on the kitchen counter I can’t explain it

bro, i dont even care anymore. fuck it! *continues to try very hard*

new york to haiti

greenland is right out

ummm no offense but new york to haiti should be measured as the area between the two latitudes, not the longitudes. this graph is incorrect and vastly underestimates the total region of the earth in which Jason Derulo knows what the girls want

Even measuring that way, Greenland remains right out, as does the entirity of Brazil.

Have we considered measuring by neither latitude nor longitude but in all area that would extend perpendicular from the diagonal of the two places? There are many different interpretations of the data, and until more is available, we ought not conclude anything at this point.

Perhaps Jason Derulo’s intention was never to proclaim to be omnipotent to the interests of the female gender. Perhaps he was instead expressing his humanity, or the limits of his knowledge. I applaud Jason Derulo. Jason Derulo is not just another 2 dimensional character. Jason Derulo has depth.Jason Derulo has limitations and has come to terms with them. Jason Derulo knows Jason Derulo. Thats why he makes it a point to say his name so much.

But again, Greenland is right out

my skills include reading an entire page of an academic text without absorbing a single word

me n the boys 

I’m not your average skateboarder. I don’t “dress like a stoner.” I don’t “know how to skateboard.” I don’t “disrespect authority.” I’ve never “been on a skateboard.”

my long term strategy is to die before i pay off my student loans

we’re literally floating on a tiny planet in fucking space why are we surrounded by hatred and misery. why can’t everyone just calm the fuck down and lay on some grass. the sun is a GIANT BURNING ORB why does money exist. fuck everything