𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨

“no, no, i’m fine. liza’s fine,” anthony reassures musa quickly, shaking his head, “nobody’s hurt. what i need to tell you, it happened a while ago, and i want you to hear it from me before this psycho uses it against us.” he pauses, takes a deep breath. fuck, his hands were shaking. ant quickly stuffs them into his pockets. here goes nothing, the secret he thought he would take to his grave. “last year, after me and amelia broke up, i hooked up with blythe. and again, after amelia died.”

musa freezes, an uneasiness creepy over him. it's not anger yet, it's an ugly, crawling feeling creating a pit in his stomach. he shakes his head, "man, that's not fucking funny, okay? don't bullshit me like that." he says, standing up from the hood of the car. he lets out a sharp breath, "is tag putting you up to this? is this one of the fucking 'challenges?'" but from the look on his best friend's face, he's not entirely sure. but the anthony he knows wouldn't do this to him, right? not his best friend who knows what blythe means to him, what that relationship was for him. he falls back a step, "tell me you're joking right now."

So much had happened since graduation, since the Peyton incident, and they wondered what Musa's involvement could possibly have been. He was too kind to have done anything like that, and he didn't seem to be under the same spell that Ant and Sarah had fallen for - the admiration of one Amelia Castro was hardly on his radar when he had Blythe. Maybe it was for Blythe, then, that he'd participated? Or Ant, as a comforting friend. Maybe he hadn't even been involved directly, had only done something like provide an alibi or hold onto someone's phone. Thinking of which, they picked theirs up off the ground and turned it off, making a show of it to Musa. "Well, can't listen now," they joked wryly, wishing that were the case. Their mind drifted back to the cabin, where they'd called out to Tag and assured it they weren't trying to escape the trap of a party they'd all "set up". Tossing the phone back into the cold wood chips and dirt, they leaned into the seat fully and started swinging, enjoying a minute of silence with an old friend. "We're probably safer out here than in our own places," she said sadly, glancing over. A disturbing thought: Anthony could have told Musa about Wren. Musa would certainly understand, Justice thought, that she was trying to keep everyone else out of jail, too. And on the topic of Anthony telling people things - "Have you, um... Has anyone told you my little theory yet?"

"Mine too." He patted his pocket where his powered down phone lay safely, not to be turned on until he was safe back at home. And even then, what exactly was considered safe now? At least at home he was alone, no conversations being had. He watched their phone land in the mulch before his eyes flicked back to them, "You're probably right." He tried not to think about it when trying to fall asleep at night. Musa shook his head, "Nah, haven't done much theory talk lately," Out of self-preservation, mostly; he knew he needed to stay informed, but things hadn't been so straightforward lately, "Tell me about it?" He asked, swinging creaking quietly as he shifted his feet. Despite everything, he felt as if he could trust Justice. Maybe it was the fact that it felt like she was more on the outside, like she was someone he could show more of himself to. He had, long ago, but they were both different now. Different and yet, so much of who they once were permeated the air the between them, the memory of their childhood sitting heavy upon Musa's shoulders. Justice, who knew his childhood secrets and played with him when no one else had, and Justice who sat next to him now, the one he hadn't had a real conversation with in over a decade — the same but different.

“i have something i need to tell you.”

when anthony comes out of the restaurant, he can feel the energy coming off of him, followed by words you almost never want to hear. musa's brow creases, concern flooding his face, "okay... what's goin' on? are you alright? is liza alright?" his mind runs through every issue that could be looming. and lately? there are a lot of options. he fixes his gaze on his best friend, "tell me how i can help."

ant swirls one of his now semi-cold fries in the ketchup on his plate. "so," he starts, popping the fry into his mouthing before he continues, "that party was crazy, right?" okay, definitely not the topic he was intending to broach right now, but maybe anthony could find a way to segue into what he really wanted to say. "i can't believe it was just that-- a party. can you?"

musa nods, humming, "it's kind of insane. i'm still waiting to figure out what the catch is..." he hopes there isn't one, but he also knows better by now. he takes a sip of his dwindling soda, leaning back in his seat with a small smile, "for now... i'll just be glad no one got killed or maimed. that's maybe the best we can ask for, huh?" he lets a soft snort leave his lips, shaking his head, "if i would've known it was a party, i would've brought liza's present with me." he keeps his eyes on ant. the energy between them is a little weird, but he doesn't question it. everything's been pretty fucking weird lately.

When nothing felt safe, the risk of going out in the night and maybe getting conked by a masked nightmare weighed out evenly with the risk of the aforementioned nightmare inviting itself into their apartment while they slept. So, instead of spending more time restlessly categorizing items from bed, they hopped on their bike and rode to the park. After locking their bike to the side of the swingset, Justice took a middle swing (the one that, if she were still a kid, would be the best one because then people were on either side) and backed into the seat. Leaning against the seat, the blonde tossed their phone to the ground and properly sat. For years, swingsets were prime real estate that Justice never quite had access to. She was slow, and she didn't have friends to "hold her place", and some kids got more time on the swings even though they were supposed to be taking turns. As they all grew up, less of her peers were interested in the swings, and she found herself at some point alone on the set in the playground for those 15 minutes. Defiant as ever, she'd kick and pull and kick and pull and swing until she was out of breath. She wanted to swing so high she made a full loop, and then people would notice her. Then they'd wish they were her friend, and she'd get to play with whomever she wanted. Now 25, Justice felt a sense of calm on a lonely swingset. They'd have been perfectly content in the silence only disturbed by the occasional creaks, but then they noticed someone else. Narrowing their eyes, Justice finally recognized who it was. "Y'know," they called out, "there's two empty swings here if you wanted to join."

Musa sighed, shoe digging gently into the dirt below his swing. His legs were too long for it now, knees nearly to his chest fully seated. "Think they're watching us right now?" He asked, voice lifting in a teasing way, though he wasn't really joking, "Seems to have eyes and ears everywhere." Even in private conversations in the comfort of their own homes.

“ so  what  you’re  saying, ”  her  fingers,  which  were now intertwined  behind  his  back,  began  to  trace  idle  patterns  against  the  fabric  of  his  shirt. “ is  that  i’ve  completely  and  irrevocably  ruined  you  for  everyone  else ?  that  i’ve  set  the  bar  so  impossibly  high  that  no  one  else  will  ever  compare ? ”  she  tilted  her  head  back  to  look  up  at  him,  grin  wide.  “ i  think i might just want  that  on  my  tombstone. ”

his eyes flicked over her face, searching for something, he wasn't sure what exactly. maybe a trace of what they used to be, of how she used to look at him. he forced his eyes back into the darkness beyond the fire, "and this... i want us to be okay. i want us to be on the same side. because we can't do this shit alone. whatever's happening and whatever comes next? i need you."

that’s the problem with being the strong one. no one offers you a hand.. – m.t.

a  beat  of  silence  stretched,  taut  and  humming,  filled  only  by  the  crackling  of  burning logs  and  the  distant  whisper  of  wind  through  the  trees.  then,  the  smile  returned  to  her  lips.  she  leaned  in  just  a  fraction,  reaching  out  to  give  his  arm  a  gentle  squeeze.  “ it’s  stupid,  i  know.  but  my  brain  is  a  mushy  mess  right  now. ”  she  took  a  small  step  closer,  sighing  heavily.  “ i  just don’t  think  my  nerves  could  take  it  if  i  saw  you  looking  at  eliza the  way  you  used  to  look  at  me. ”

"it's not stupid." when she moved closer and squeezed his arm, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders — first of all, she was probably pretty cold in just her pajamas. "i don't think i've ever looked at anyone the way i looked at you." musa murmured, "our relationship is... it's the only serious romantic relationship i've ever been in. i don't know what love even feels like outside of a what we had." it was his only point of reference. and even if he fell in love again, he knew it would be different than his relationship with blythe. you never forget your first love, that much was true, but it was especially hard to forget when your first love was blythe gonçalves. "and, for what it's worth, a relationship is the last thing on my mind right now," he admitted, "too much other bullshit keeps comin' our way."

“ yeah, she’s . . . ” georgia should know better. she should’ve known on valentine’s day. maybe it could have been a non issue by now. “ she’s okay. with tilly right now. ” at least, last time georgia saw her. “ i’ll take her home tonight. let her blow off some steam now. ”

"we talked at the dance, danced together a little bit," musa explained, "then we saw each other at liza and will's for a little." before he had gone to bed with liza ( platonically, of course ). "then," he paused, letting out a sigh, "i got a text from her tonight, but not actually her, y'know? the fake text to get me here was 'from her.'" which, anyone would know, would be enough to send him out into the woods. "i'll find her later, talk to her." clear the air? there wasn't even air to clear, really, at least not if you asked musa, but he wanted to make sure she was okay — that they were okay. whatever okay meant between the two of them these days. "are you doing alright?" he asked georgia. it seemed like she was doing a lot of making sure other people were doing well tonight, he wanted to check in with her too.

ant looks around for a moment, taking in the group that had accrued inside the cabin. his gaze snaps back to musa, brow furrowed, and shakes his head. "don't worry about it. thank god it was a party, right? but you should know-- blythe was not happy about you guys holding hands."

he nods at anthony, trying to keep the casual grin on his face, practiced and measured, so that no one thinks anything is out of the ordinary. musa clicks his tongue, "yeah... i need to talk to her later." he looks at anthony, "nothing is happening between liza and me, for the record." and that's true, even if things feel a little different lately, "we're friends."

her  attention  remained  fixed  on  the  flames  and  the  smile  that  had  been  a  fragile  shield  dissolved  completely,  leaving  behind  only  the  raw,  unvarnished  landscape  of  her  bitterness.  “ you  know,  i  wish  you  wouldn't  treat  me  like  i'm  stupid.  you're  totally  adding  to  my  cortisol  levels, babe. ”

musa frowned and furrowed his brow then, shaking his head, "i don't think you're stupid, blythe, why would you say that?" her tone made him stand up straighter, shoulders tensing. he relented just a little, not outing what he knew or how, but acting as if he was simply picking up on context clues, "if this is about... me holding liza's hand, we're just friends." though, the words somehow felt wrong on his tongue, "we thought we were about to get murdered or something inside. wouldn't be the craziest twist."

the  fire  in  their  view  crackled,  a  living  thing  breathing  sparks  into  the  velvet  dark  sky,  and  she  watched  it  for  a  long  moment,  trying  to  ignore  the  presence  behind  her,  a  gravitational  pull  she  both  resented  and  craved.  finally,  she  turned  and  a  wry  smile  touched  her  lips.  she  raised  her  gaze  to  meet  his,  and  one  brow  arched  in  a  curve  of  disbelief.  “ i'm  surprised  you  made  the  trip  out...  i  would  have  thought  your  hands  were  full. ”

"hands full? with what?" he played dumb, having told liza that he wouldn't let slip that she told him about blythe's feelings about their friendship as of late, "like work...? i would call off work for you, if you needed me." he would do a lot for blythe if she needed him. even all these years later, there hadn't been a romantic relationship that had come close to what he'd shared with her. still, among everyone he surrounded himself with now, she knew the most about him — his brother's death, his family's inability to process things related to his brother, his crippling self-doubt and self-consciousness, some of the lies he told to climb the social strata. it scared him how much she knew about him, how much of himself he had trusted her with. those weren't things he had taken lightly and her feelings weren't something he would ever take lightly. he just hadn't anticipated that she still cared enough to be upset over the idea that he could have something going on with liza. "what's going on, blythe? are you alright?" he repeated, head tilting a little.