;oh, i can't leave, but i can't be in this place

it was hard for anthony to fully let go of his anxiety, but he was trying. he was still worried about what was going to happen next, what that anonymous psycho has in store for them, but he was doing his best to put on a brave face for wren. the man had just gotten out of jail after being falsely accused of murder, after all. anthony wanted to make sure he at least had a moment of peace before he started piling on more shit.

“sabrina has disney plus, and i have her login. so, in a way, i do have finding nemo,” he explains with a soft, easy grin as he leans into wren’s touch, “but let’s finish these muffins first.”

a light laugh shakes anthony’s shoulders, his nose bumping gently against wren’s with the motion. “well, my favorite color is red, and my favorite food is scrambled eggs. but, like, not plain obviously. they have to be covered in salt and pepper and cheese,” he answers before nudging wren’s nose with his own, “your turn.”

it took everything in him not to scrunch his nose at the mention of disney plus. they were in a good moment. dare he say a sweet moment. something he could think about later when shit got bad. there was no reason to get on his soap box about terrible corporations or the indoctrination of capitalism. so, he just smiled softly, planning on having the convo at some later date. being fresh boyfriends and having to battle some anonymous asshole was good enough for the next few months for sure.

quietly, he made a mental check list as a soft smile tugged at his lips with the nose nudge. red, scrambled eggs with fixings. he could remember that. “green, but like nature greens. the whole spectrum of them then… food… i would say fry bread with greens and beans topped with hot sauce,” this time he returned the nudge given to him, watching ant grab his muffin and following suit with his own, his hands may have left the other man, but wren’s body still leaned into him.

quietly, he just popped pieces in his mouth while anthony went over the various things that happened. a sip or two of his coffee helping to soothe it down. fucking crazy shit. from blood like carrie, to putting him in fucking jail, only to continue onto some random ass surprise party for eliza. the strange humor in it wasn’t lost on him, but whatever funny he saw in it was lost the moment he mentioned paige dazey.

　　♡　　despite her earlier statement, georgia moved in closer as wren shifted .  mostly for warmth, but also partly ( the bit that she might admit out loud in the unlikely event he pushed ) that she had missed him. it was no secret that georgia was quick to get attached. wren had been no exception. especially back when georgia hadn’t understood why he had made his jarring exit from her life.

different now, as she nodded at his question. “ yeah, ” she confirmed, teeth dragging delicately on her bottom lip as she debated wether or not to voice her concerns. on the one hand, the fear of being the cause sat heavy on her chest. that this would be speaking it into existence.

still, the words tumbled faster than she could stop them. “ i’m worried that with all that, i can’t protect you. that we — ” a vague gesture around, as if any of their friends were around. “ can’t protect you. ” technically, it didn’t seem like they could protect anyone. at least not from physical harm. or reputation assassination. but landing wren in jail ? that was something entirely different.

tag might not have kept him locked away this time, nor did it strike at the party it threw for eliza, but that didn’t mean it would be scares forever. “ what if it just wakes up and decides it wants to put you back there ? ” maybe for amelia, maybe a more intense framing for another one of them murdered. by tag, obviously. but not to the townsfolk.

something in him eased at the thought that she still got it. it wasn’t some hallucination just because he remembered how much she had meant to him with just two conversations. tension he hadn’t noticed he was holding eased in him as he needed along with her, allowing her to move into his space and use him as a heater.

wren quietly munched on a fry or two. not because he didn’t worry about similar things that she did, but because he had decided he wasn’t going to let that anonymous fuck dictate his life. sighing softly, he shook his head, “i think that,” he paused to make sure he wasn’t talking with his mouth full before continuing, “ – that fuck is going to do what they want to do no matter. it’s just an illusion of choice…”

it was something he had been thinking about since getting out of the jail. after talking with anthony, then to sarah, although brief. the list continued with nic, even liza, and now georgia. “whatever their plan is – is going to happen. i think it’s a psychological tactic to make us think it was our faults in the aftermath,” setting the fried down next to him, he turned slightly, so he was semi facing the other while still allowing her to lean into him for warmth. “amara is an example of that. after anthony told me i couldn’t help but think that no one made a choice with that. it was an unknown rule, provided to us as a consequence, but without communication….”

chewing the inside of his cheek for a moment, wren finally offered a shrug, “did you hear about the recorders that nic found?” he paused his semi rant as he looked into georgia’s eyes. “that piece of shit has been watching us and listening to us for spirit knows how fucking long,” slowly his words got more angry, more affronted in a way that spoke of all the pain he had endured in life, and the actions of tag was just added to the list. “i’m not going to let that fucker dictate my life. my choices.”

a simple question required a simple answer. and for anthony, he knew that answer was written all over his face. in the way his grin spread and his eyes sparkled in the dim light of his kitchenette. there were probably a dozen reasons why ant should say no-- wren just got out of jail, someone was actively terrorizing them, there was still so much they didn't know about each other-- but none of it mattered. he didn't care about any of those, the things that caused anxiety to ripple through him like a second heartbeat. he only cared about the fingers tangled in his hair and the warm skin under his own fingertips.

"yes, i will be your boyfriend, wren poe," ant mused softly before bringing his lips to wren's again. he kept the kiss chaste, something soft and light, before he pulled away. a small huff of air escapes him as he drops his forehead down to wren's shoulder, his own shoulders shaking in a breathless laugh. "what an insane past twelve hours," he mumbled into the fabric beneath him.

a smile stretched over his lips just hearing the yes. yes, was a simple word with a basic definition but this one, this one made his heart soar. answering the soft kiss was instinctive, easy, better than riding a bike. wren leaned his head against anthony’s on his shoulder and found his shoulders shaking at the mention of a crazy 12 hours. “it really fucking has,” he murmured back but there was humor in his words.

for him, he had been let free from jail, but he did find himself curious about what the last twelve hours had held for ant. his had still rested on his boyfriend’s neck, fingers still gently playing the curls there before he hummed again, “oh, we’re going to finish these muffins and i am definitely going to finish my coffee,” his words were strong in their conviction because damn him if he let good muffins go to waste. wren’s own form of blasphemy.

moving their eyes to meet when the other man looked at him, he nodded, “if you have finding nemo, i’m game. then when that’s over, you can tell me all about your last twelve hours. or you can tell me over these muffins and coffee first. whatever you like best,” his fingers tugged gently on the soft curls he couldn’t get enough of as if he was trying to drill the point home.

　　♡　　for a long time, the idea of meeting up with wren had been nothing beyond an optimistic wish .  then, recently, only as necessity. an update on william in the hospital, assistance when anthony was potentially in danger at the dance, feeding the strays while wren was incarcerated.

the idea that they were once again hanging out just to hang out ? well, it was worth every chill that ran down her spine as she made her way towards the lake.

especially with the lingering thought in the back of her head pointing out how fleeting the moment could be. there was a very real possibility that grace had come as a favour to anthony. a sacrifice made to have the other man in his life. like knowing that he’d be seeing much more of anthony ( some was still more than none ) had been part of things when william had started seeing georgia. was it so unbelievable to think that wren was just gritting his teeth and making the best of a bad deal ? what happened when it was no longer an obligation ?

she hadn’t expected anthony and william to be getting lunch by the lake. probably couldn’t even force them ! as it seems, would probably never get the chance to test that. wouldn’t need to anymore. wren and georgia, however, were. that had to be a good sign. they had history, but it all just felt delicate now.

“ no, no, ” georgia jumped in, shaking her head at wren’s apology. “ no, i like it. this sweater is sooo cozy. ” and admittedly she has been hugging the warm bag of food on the walk over. “ that bug in his rug has got nothin’ on me. ” and she would continue to say that ( even if her teeth began to chatter ) because she was grateful just to be spending time with him once again.

his eyes narrowed for a moment as he looked georgia over when she acted like she wouldn’t be bothered by the cold. he wasn’t sure if he believed her, but times changed people and it was entirely possible that she had grown to be able to handle cold temperatures. so, instead of saying anything more about it, he just nodded and moved to sit next to her, his thing of fries in his lap.

wren on the other hand had always had the blood for the cold. it didn’t matter that his nation was in arizona, growing up in the four seasons had always done him well. shifting so she could siphon his heat if she needed to, he flipped open the container and put a few fries in his mouth. chewing and nodding at the same time when she spoke. “hi,” he offered with his mouth unoccupied with his gaze at a lake that haunted his dreams.

now that he was sitting with her, he didn’t really know what to talk about. at the dance, it was about ant. looking for him and being worried about him. in the jail, it was asking for a favor and explaining how worried he was about it all. but sitting in a spot they used to hang out at as kids, was an odd moment in his mind. the spot was no longer a good memory, not because of georgia – other things haunted his memory.

“do you think it’s crazy that we’re sitting together right now?” he questioned softly, wondering if she was feeling the same thing. “two months ago, i would have left a room if you were in it,” was added without malice but fact. it was true. wren would have changed what side of the street he was walking on if he had spotted her for all those years between then and now.

a part of anthony was still terrified. neither of them had any idea what else their friendly neighborhood psycho had in store for them and the rest of the group. whoever it was had already hurt so many people, wren included, and there was no telling who was next on their list. but, like wren said, ant didn’t want this threat looming over them to keep him from going after the things he wants, which, right now, is the man in front of him.

he closes his eyes when their foreheads touch, a small sigh of relief escaping his lips at the contact. for someone who was so affectionate, it had been hard for ant not to have someone to share it with since him and amelia had broken up. no one he had been with since then had ever seemed truly receptive to how much he just wanted to touch them, especially when it wasn’t in a sexual manner. but with wren, it feels like he can finally be himself— at least in that sense.

maybe he was being hasty. maybe he wasn’t thinking of potential issues or complications. but for most of his life, wren thought of consequences simply because they always seemed to find him without him doing any action to get them. it was the what if? that was moving him forward instead of running away. what if this was good? what if they could be happy? what if life didn’t have to be a constant state of fear or loneliness? what if, what if, what if.

he breathed softly when anthony leaned his forehead into his. for the briefest moment, they simply breathed the same air. this, this was worth every worry and any fear that may have come to his mind. the simple moment of being close to someone. physical or bathed in basic honesty. worth every worry. worth every dumbfounded look he might receive. with any luck, they had plenty of time to dig deep and know every secret the other held but until then… soft moments… were good enough for him.

anthony lets his head be lifted, meeting wren’s gaze reluctantly. he didn’t know what he was expecting once he put all of his cards on the table when it came to blythe, but it wasn’t… this. but he was grateful for the kind of understanding from wren that he was receiving, that he definitely did not deserve.

“is that what we’re doing?” he asks, tilting his head to the side just slightly. “jumping into something? together?”

though ant knew his own answer the question, he didn’t want to assume wren’s. all of this talking they were doing was all well and good, but that didn’t mean that wren was ready to do or be anything more than just what they are right now. especially when wren had just been held accused for murder not even twenty four hours ago. but wren was right. it wasn’t fair to himself to let whatever fuck-ass mind games this tag person was playing with them get in the way of what he really wants— which is the man standing in his kitchen, holding his hand and being so goddamn understanding that it physically made ant’s heart ache.

as a force of habit, anthony uses his free hand to grab at the chain around his neck. he rubs his thumb and forefinger along it as he sighs. it’s not ideal, having to tell musa everything when there’s a bigger threat looming over them, but he doesn’t want to risk it coming from someone else. “i think you’re right,” he agrees, “it’s better he hears it from me, right?”

did it feel like jumping? to him, maybe. it wasn’t as if the ground had fallen out from under him. anthony was something, someone he was willing to take the leap for. for so long in his life he had yearned for connection he either never let himself have or found himself injured, mostly in heart, any time he tried to reach out. most recently, that had been proven to him, but this, him – he was still going to go for. for once in his fucking life.

“the kind of leap i’m ready for,” he answered honestly with the hand in his he gave it a gentle squeeze thinking of the fact that they had already had something of this conversation before. when they were dancing, before he was arrested.

nodding his head along with anthony saying it was important for musa to hear it from him. “he’s your friend, so treat him that way..” was all he had to add to it because yes, it was. probably more important than most people would think but honesty meant a lot to people that were being hurt. even if they didn’t want to hear it at first. at least, he would have in his position.

but whatever else he was going to say left him when the other man didn’t think him ridiculous for admitting he was a virgin. not that wren thought he would but it was nice to hear it out loud. humming softly, wren leaned his head into the hand that cupped his cheek and looked into those green eyes, he was really beginning to like love. “yeah?” he murmured softly, leaning his head towards ant’s so their foreheads could touch just like they had the week before.

anthony lets out a relaxed breath when wren pulls his knuckles to his lips. even though he had just dropped this bomb of the fact that he’d slept with his best friend’s ex-girlfriend, wren wasn’t getting angry or walking away. he was staying. and isn’t that what anthony had been looking for all along? for someone to stay?

"they are broken up, yeah. have been for a while, actually," he confirms with a nod. regardless, the thought of having kept this secret from his best friend for so long makes him sick to his stomach. he can’t even begin to count the times that he’d imagine what would happen once musa finds out. at best, anthony would get a much deserved punch in the face and they’d leave it at all. at worst… he loses his best friend. and he doesn’t think he has it in him to lose any more people right now.

"i don’t know if it’s a bro code thing. me and musa aren’t really like that. at least, i don’t think we are. but him and blythe… they have so much history. if he found out, he’d hate me. especially since i kept it from him."

was one of those recent?

it was a tricky question for anthony to answer, especially considering the timeline of it all. he keeps his gaze trained on their hands as he responds. "the first time was over a year ago, after amelia broke up with me. and the second time…" he pauses, takes a shaky breath. "it was right after new years." he lets the revelation hang in their air between them before he continues: "i don’t want you to think that moment between us at randy’s party didn’t matter to me. because it did. it was before anything really happened between us, i promise. i told blythe that i couldn’t keep doing it once i realized something was happening between us. which is probably why she was weird at the dance."

was he meant to be angrier about anthony hooking up with blythe some in the past? like he had been telling himself and even telling the other man, relationships weren’t his strong suit. if they weren’t pursuing something together already then what right would he have to be mad about it? then again, he didn’t exactly have any strong connections with any of the people mentioned in the situation. blythe had been a friend once. when he was young, they had been children and she had been new to school. all the other kids were assholes and wren hadn’t been. that was about as much to the story as there would ever be.

well, except now she had hooked up with someone he was romantically interested in before they had started anything at all. “look i don’t think either of us were in the right place to just be jumping into something around new year’s. fuck, someone might say we aren’t now,” he countered gently, knowing that maybe getting together with someone he was just getting to really know all the while they are being stalked by an obvious psycho. his free hand going to nudge ant’s chin so he would look at him, “but we also only live one life and i’m not going to let some anonymous asshole rule mine.”

the words were said with conviction because he damn well wasn’t going to let anyone stop them unless it was the two of them deciding that they weren’t going to do the… together thing…

“i think you should tell him when you can. rip off the band aid because if we’ve proven anything in the last two or so months… shit doesn’t stay a secret. if you're best friends, maybe he can find it in himself to forgive you..,” that had him biting the inside of his lip as he thought it over, one of his own secrets maybe. not really a secret per say but something maybe…

"you've got to let them soak with a stain remover," the words are gentle and her head nods toward a big jar of the powder, labeled '50 cents a scoop' with a smaller jar next to it for change. an honor system for one of tio's concoctions, the stuff had never failed her before, "there's a soak cycle on the washer. i usually do that and then spot treat afterwards if i need to. just don't put it through the dryer until everything's out."

it was out of pure spite, now towards a man that was dead but before it was towards a man that was alive. handling shit on his own was wren’s thing. it always had been in the long run. but he was more than willing to take a little help offered, “thanks,” he murmured, going to the jar and placing a dollar in the money jar. taking two scoops and placing it in the water he had the clothes from the dance soaking in. the rest of the laundry got tossed in the washer, he never separated just cause he wore dark colors anyway. his own homemade detergent tossed in before paying and starting.

“do you know what’s in the mix?” he questioned softly, a hand gesturing to the jar. “or is it a family secret?”

in the case of wren, she nodded along to show that she was listening intently. she didn't want to interrupt, so she focused on taking in all the details as he went on. justice had mentioned the text message from tag as well. she did understand the difficult situation justice was in when it came to their job. rollaways was surely not irreplacable, but they lived in a small town. if everyone thought they'd vandalized the place, who would hire them?

there had to be someone that could see through the smoke and mirrors of it all. blythe, at the very least, who had just as much experience with all of this chaos as the rest of them. if not, she was sure they could help one another out. ward could use a midday walk while sarah was at work, and sarah would be happy to pay justice to take him. she was confident that at least some of the others could come up with similar jobs for them until they could be proven innocent. regardless, both parties had agreed that justice wasn't willing to trade her job for wren's freedom, so that part was beside the point.

"justice's main argument to us," meaning herself and ant. "was that tag could discredit the alibi, then they'd end up in trouble for obstruction of justice or falsifying information or whatever. which i guess is possible..." sarah added. she wasn't coming to their defense, just sharing what she had been told. to make sure he understood she wasn't defending it, she continued. "but unless they're in that police station somehow, either because they are a cop, or through a bug. i don't see how that would be possible. how could tag even know they were there to provide an alibi versus just being there to visit you? if tag was... busy." busy killing sarah's best friend. "how would they even know where you were at that time, to know that justice could provide an alibi?" sarah knew the decision she would've made in justice's shoes. everything was so convoluted, but sarah was sure she'd do the right thing and say she'd seen wren at rollaways that day, even if it meant going down with him. even if she barely knew him at that time. perhaps it would lead the officers to talk to freddie, or check security cameras of nearby witnesses to see if he'd gone in that day.

sarah, and justice among many others, had done that for liza, hadn't they? stuck by her regardless of the consequences, ending up banned from her best friend's funeral and becoming town pariahs in the process.

there was definitely a gray area in the way justice had worded things... justice hadn't used the word blackmail necessarily. but, if it was worded how wren said, there was definitely an air of manipulation behind it. a 'if i do this for you, the least you can do is do this for me.' sort of undertone. wrong, regardless.

"there was some talk about the podcast. but that it would be a good idea if you wanted to do it." sarah knew she had told him that already, at the police station, but she felt the need to reiterate it. knowing wren though, she had assumed even then that he wouldn't be interested in being on the podcast. nor was she. "thank you for telling us."

the more that anthony listens, the more he recognizes that it was probably hard for justice to make this decision. or, at least, why they might have struggled with it. but knowing what wren went through... it should've been an easy decision, right? giving the police the alibi and saving wren from experiencing whatever hell the wrensted cops unleashed on him. ant knew how much influence the castros had in town, had apparent it had been even back in high school. if the cops really believed that wren had killed amelia, then... he couldn't imagine what it would've been like for wren in there.

he nodded when sarah thanked wren, the small gesture echoing his own thanks, but he squeezed wren's shoulder again-- the touch an added bonus.

"justice made it seem like tag had the power to put both of you in jail. which they didn't want to risk, i guess," he adds, sighing, "but it also seemed like a really shitty situation to be selfish during too."

the podcast. anthony knows it was partly his idea, but he never intended for it to go like this-- and he wants to make sure wren knows this.

"when i brought up the podcast, i thought justice would use it to talk about how the cops were wrong about you. i didn't think..." he trails off, gaze dropping to the coffee mug in his hand. "i wouldn't have suggested it if i had known all of this would happen. i'm sorry."

 still, it was good to know that sarah and ant hadn’t thought he should go on the podcast specifically. it soothed a piece of him that had been terrified he was, once again, placing trust in people he shouldn’t be. it was nice to be wrong for once. nice to have his insecurities squashed by the simple fact that the worst had not come to pass. the squeeze on his shoulder and the apology just made him shake his head,

“it’s okay. you didn’t. neither of you did,” he looked between anthony and sarah before focusing back on anthony. his hand moved to touch the other man’s that had been on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. "thanks for wanting clarity, i guess. most people would just - not believe me..."

anthony welcomed the tangle of fingers warmly, squeezing wren’s hand once. in comfort or thanks, he wasn’t quite sure. it was always hard for ant to talk about his anxiety and panic attacks. only really his sisters and georgia and musa knew how bad they could get, had watched him struggle with their increasing frequency throughout the years until they all came to a head a few months ago. even now, he still struggles to open up in therapy about it all. despite having a few appointments under his belt, they still haven’t breached the topic of what landed him there in the first place. it still felt too fresh, and he wasn’t sure he could verbalize it again. he almost wished he had recorded his confession to liza so that he could just play that for everyone whenever the topic arose.

while wren speaks, anthony rubs his thumb gently along the other man’s knuckles. he remembers their brief interactions through the tinted glass of the aftermath of his panic attacks. he knew the rumors wren was talking about, had heard them echoed from amelia in passing every now and then, but ant had never paid much mind to them. back then, he tried to form his own opinion on people despite how easily he could be influenced by the people around him. amelia especially. but wren… he was always a mystery. it felt like a dream to be able to learn this much about him now.

“at least you had people that cared,” anthony offers, looking down at their entwined hands, “even if it was really fucking frustrating. people were checking in to make sure you were okay. which, i’ll be honest, sometimes it didn’t seem like you were okay when we’d cross paths back then.”

amelia. it all came back to her, didn’t it? even though anthony didn’t really believe it himself at the time, he was never angry at wren for saying what he did. he knew how cruel amelia could be, especially in high school, but those rose-tinted glasses were practically embedded into his eyes back then. it’s why their breakup was so hard for him, even though he knew, deep down, that they wouldn’t last.

“it’s fine,” he says softly, looking back up with wren with eyes just as soft. “i know she didn’t treat others the best, but… i still loved her.” a pause, followed by a sip of his coffee, then a sigh. “i think our breakup was the first crack. when she broke up with me, then got with liza right away, it hurt. it made me feel like i wasn’t good enough. i’ve made a lot of mistakes since then.”

ant pauses again, unsure of how many of these mistakes he wants to divulge. he shakes his head slightly. full transparency, right?

the issue for him had always been if he could trust that someone actually cared. were they asking if he was okay because they truly wanted to know? or was it so the school could say that they had tried but when he inevitably crashed and burned? but that feeling was something he still struggled with. wren had to tell himself every day that he was worth caring about. worth having someone hold his hand to comfort him while he talked about things that still hurt. that he was worth the air he breathed.

answering ant’s comforting movements with some of his own, he squeezed his hand in return when he started to talk about amelia. oh amelia. someone wren, honestly, did his best not to think about most days. ships passing in the night style. hoping and praying he didn’t need to have a conversation with her. ever. his dislike for her stemmed from something he never spoke of and with any luck, would never need to. but hearing anthony speak of her, he couldn’t help but want to wrap his arms around the other man.

he had a feeling there was more to his statement, something lingering in the pain of the memory of how amelia broke up with him, only because there was always something more to that woman. yet, it wasn’t his to dig into. not even those mistakes the man illuded to. not until he brought up blythe. blinking somewhat bird like for a moment, wren’s own thoughts paused and rewound to the last time he saw blythe…

“first, you are good enough. our mistakes don’t always make us who we are if we can learn and grow from them. do better next time,” it’s something he always had to tell himself. just like his worth, he was good enough too. as if he was trying to drive his point home, he tugged on ant’s hand so he could place a kiss on his knuckles.

“second, i mean, aren’t they broken up? or is that a bro code thing cause he’s your best friend,” this questioned was murmured against his knuckles before wren moved away and thought about it. he didn’t have many bros that would matter to a code, but he had seen mention of it in media. friends not fucking or dating friend’s exes? really, he had never known if it was a real thing.

it was even surprising to nic how desperately she needed this hug. there wasn't going to be any tears shed, but wren had become someone of a staple in nic's life. somewhat friends in high school, two outcasts who found company in being together. he was one of the first person they trusted after being tossed away by peyton. the first person they came out to - granted it was in response to wren confessing his feelings towards them, but still - and one of the only people nic had opened to about their feelings towards peyton.

it was hard not to build a bond with someone in that way. and while for years nic struggled to use the term, out of past trauma and shit, they'd accepted wren was probably their best friend.

so yeah, it was fucking good to see him.

once he pulled back from the hug, nic sheepishly looked back towards the door. "i did the best i could, but im not exactly mr. fix it." they had never had to time to learn about cars and tools and all that shit from their dad before he went away. "but i figured it'd stop people from coming in."

free of the hug, he raised the smoke to his lips and gave it a light, slipping the lighter in the pocket of the pants ant had borrowed him, and he was definitely planning on taking forever. taking in a deep breath, he could practically feel the nicotine soothe his nerves and suddenly, he knew he had to quit. but not in the moment, that was for future wren to worry about. “don’t worry about it, i’m the mr. fix it,” he murmured good naturedly, looking over the mess.

“i came to get some clothes ‘cause i’m gonna hide at ant’s for a few days,” was added between another drag of smoke in, looking at nic. “but you’re right though, probably should clean it up.” wren added it as an after thought while he bent to look through the contents of the junk drawer the cigarettes had come from.

most of it was trash, his actual tools were in the toolbox that was in the small shed. he knew they probably tore apart too. moving to grab a trash bag or two from under the kitchen counter, he just tossed one at nic’s head before grabbing things he had no intention of keeping anymore and tossing them into his own. his cigarette being puffed on periodically until it was finished and he stamped it out.

despite knowing that this conversation is not going to be an easy one, ant doesn’t feel worried. that familiar twinge of panic that always lay under the surface for him isn’t threatening to break through, not when the warmth of wren’s body is a steady presence next to him. and a part of him knows that it doesn’t fully make sense, how quickly he’s seemed to relax around someone who was practically a stranger two months ago. liza’s sentiment about how the sudden closeness seemed suspicious echoes in his brain for a moment, but he quickly shoves it away. even though he didn’t know wren well, he felt a connection to the other man, maybe even going back to high school when they were just two ships passing in the guidance office with never anything more than a nod (except for that one time, of course!).

before anthony knows it, he's already halfway done with the muffin he’d chose before he finally gets up the courage to answer wren’s question. “there’s so much i want to know,” he says earnestly, setting his muffin down and finally looking up at wren, “so much that i don’t even know where to start.”

he pauses, unsure of what to say next. he knows better than to follow it up with something about how they’re practically strangers. that probably wouldn’t be the best way to start this conversation when, deep down, ant is sure that he actually wants wren to be his boyfriend when it’s over. but he needed to get over this hump, a terrifyingly small speed bump that stood between him and what he really wanted.

“the guidance office, back in high school,” he starts, finally, his voice more steady than he feels, “i was going there to hide my panic attacks. ms. richards would always leave her office open for me when i needed it, and i needed it a lot back then. honestly, i still do.” anthony knows he’s fully word-vomiting now, but he can’t bring himself to stop, not until it’s all out. “that’s why i’m back home. i had a really bad one, and now i’m on a leave of absence from the team for the season and in therapy for it. which is helping. especially after amelia…”

he trails off then, picking up a piece of muffin and crumbling it in between his fingers. after a moment, he lets out a heavy sigh. “sorry, that was a lot. um— why were you always in there? the guidance office, i mean.”

for a few minutes, there was silence. the two of them were leaning and quietly nibbling on muffins. anthony’s warmth seeping into him like it had always meant to be there. one of those moments that wren didn’t feel the need to break up the quiet. it seemed important to have it. like this wasn’t just a time when they would talk about favorite colors or random movies. the moment seemed full. like an edge of a cliff that you had to jump from. if you didn’t jump, you would miss something that was key to what came next.

so, he didn’t interrupt it. just allowed it to rest between them as he ate and sipped his coffee. this kind of quiet didn’t feel like he had to be scared of it. only when he had finished taking the muffin apart and devoured it, did ant finally break the little bubble around them.

listening it took everything in him not to hug the other man. in his mind, he couldn’t help but think that maybe therapy wasn’t a bad idea in general. but that was a thought for another time. hearing that all of it went as far back as high school, explained a lot and made him worry. thinking about how long the other had to raw dog life. then again, pot meet kettle.

watching the piece of muffin crumble, he slid his hand over the counter to lace their fingers together, crumbs and all. “don’t be sorry,” he retorted softly, knowing full well that anthony probably needed to say it and wren himself needed to hear it. “we should be able to be honest with each other, if we want to still be something… together.” wren didn’t want to assume ant still wanted to talk about the boyfriend thing they mentioned the night he was arrested. cause they never got that second date…. yet.

“but, um – my time there was used a little differently and mostly unwilling,” was how he started to explain his own reasons for the guidance office. “at first, when i was in elementary school it was about when my mom left. checking in or whatever,” he stopped looking at ant so he could recall the various things. “then it turned into making sure i had the opportunities i needed, how are you grades? blah blah. they were great, by the way.”

taking a deep breath for the next bit he sighed it out slowly before continuing, “middle school and high school though, things changed. that’s when the rumors about me started. they were about my family, about where i lived, about who i hung out with. about all the terrible things i was doing that i didn’t fucking do. i was just a quiet kid. who was poor through no choices of my own and had a father that drank more than he spoke to me.”

anthony watched wren's movements for a moment, tracking the way his fingers fiddled with the muffin, before turning back towards the coffee. he reaches up into the cabinet directly above the machine, pulling out two mugs (mismatched, like everything else in anthony's tiny, borrowed apartment). he fills them both with the dark liquid, but leaves room in the red one so he can add a small splash of oat milk to his. once he's finished, he slides the cup of black coffee towards wren across the counter and picks up his own to take a sip.

"you can steal them, if you want," ant says finally, using his mug to hide the blush that was surely rising in his cheeks, "they look good on you."

he's suddenly nervous again, gripping his mug tightly to give his hands something to do. after a week of only seeing wren on the other side of a cold, metal table, he's finally free. he's here, in ant's apartment, in his clothes. it feels... domestic. in a way that anthony hasn't experienced in a long time.

after a beat, ant puts down his mug and reaches for one of the banana muffins. he leans his elbows on the counter as he starts to pick it apart, eyes very pointedly not looking at wren as he speaks again.

there was no way to stop the smile that tugged at his lips behind the muffin before he took a bite. he could have them. he looked good in them. wren wasn't well first in potential relationship but there was no doubt just the littlest things about anthony made wren's heart flutter.

it was like he was a teenager again. passing by him in the guidance office hall. maybe catching a soccer game… to think he was here in the apartment he was staying in. it was the only reason wren had even been willing to speak to him that random day. he called amelia terrible then. that she was a bitch. look how all that turned out…

he wanted this, he wanted him and even the anxiety that filled him at them having some kind of talk couldn't erase that giddy feeling. he knew anthony deserved honesty so wren was going to make sure he provided it.

liza still isn't sure what to believe... or who. the text she'd gotten the morning after the 'party', if it could be called that, was unsettling at best. it made her feel like exactly what their anonymous stalker had called her, a pawn in their game. she can't help but wonder if she'd fallen directly into their trap, if getting her to point the finger at wren was all part of the strategy. the motivation behind the push is probably something she should have thought through more, but it wasn't like she'd directly said wren did anything. just that she wasn't convinced he didn't, that it was odd to her that he was suddenly getting close with amelia's best friend and ex-boyfriend.

she'd heard about wren's release through the grapevine, but she still hadn't expected to see him out and about, especially not smack dab in the middle of her family's business. of course he would come on the day eliza was covering while mateo and tomas were off at business meeting, it was just her luck!

her eyes fall on him for a brief moment, heart sinking a little at his beaten and bruised appearance. it's a conflicting feeling, the juxtaposition between the person who had comforted her at the dance and the one she suspected might have had something to do with her girlfriend's murder. it keeps her from saying anything, so she just turns her head and goes back to folding t-shirts from one of their regular drop-offs.

but the people of wrensted never cared about who he actually was. not when he was a shy but bright kid nor when he was a haunted young adult. the same story but a different chapter, he supposed. wren refused to let them claim his life. make him hide. he had enough with a fucking stalker. one that was toying with him and some people he cared about. tossing his smoke in his ashtray, he slipped his mask up and finally got out of his car.

grabbing his laundry from the back, he walked into the soft spin only to be greeted by a face he hadn’t expected to see. eliza medina. the woman who didn’t deserve the shit she was being put through. for a brief moment, he just moved his mask slightly, so she saw his face and decided he didn’t want to talk to her. not because he didn’t want to. but she probably didn’t want to speak with him. he was no stranger to silence. taking his small bag of laundry, he moved to get about his business quickly.

as quietly as possible, wren made himself seem as small as he could while he went to one of the washing sinks. he was going to get the damn blood and grim out of his sweetheart dance outfit, damn it. or at least end up with raw hands for his efforts before tossing it in the dryer. using his own homemade detergent, he started scrubbing like he had a vendetta against the clothes… maybe he did…

“i think sabrina has a few options,” anthony says with a small smile. he can feel his body relaxing slightly at the contact on his waist, despite knowing how ridiculous it is that just one small point of contact can pull him back from the edge of his anxiety. he doesn’t say you’re welcome because he knows that he’s doing this because he wants to not because he has to. instead, he pulls wren back to him gently when he starts to walk away, quickly bringing their lips together in the briefest of kisses before he finally, reluctantly, lets wren go.

anthony waits until the bathroom door shuts before he finally gets his feet to work, to carry him back down to the bakery. sabrina asks him if there’s anything she can do to help almost immediately, to which he quickly brushes her off to ask about the muffins she baked this morning. he loves his sister, so much, but he doesn’t want or need her overbearing hover right now. not when he wants to get back upstairs to wren as quickly as possible.

after being given a carefully curated box of muffins from sabrina, anthony is finally making his way back upstairs. he sets the muffins down on the counter in his kitchenette before he sets to work on the coffee. the brew is almost finished when he hears the bathroom door click open.

at first the shock of cold was a jolt, then it slowly warmed to a temperature he could handle. but he never put it on too hot. lukewarm was his game. a habit he had to keep the bill down. letting his muscles relax a little, and he finally started looking through the soap and shampoo available. hoping ant wouldn’t mind, he took a little of this and a little of that to wash the correct areas, enjoying the way it took away the sweat away, not to mention the blood and grime.

at most it was ten minutes, in and out. wren was drying himself off and putting the soft clothes anthony provided with a gentle sniff to the fabric. definitely smelled like him. it was nice. a little smile tugged on his lips as he gave his growing out hair a squeeze in the towel before hanging the towel to dry and picking up the dirty clothes. folding them quietly, he made a mental note to ask for a bag to carry them, he would try to save them the best he could. damn it.

placing his folded clothes by his shoes he had shuffled off on the way in, he looked up and spotted ant in the little catch, the scent of coffee filling him with more happiness than he was sure he could put words to. “that smells so fucking good,” he murmured as he padded his way over and eyed the muffin options. everything sounded amazing. “it’s boring but, i like my coffee black. the bitter taste prepares me for my life,” chuckling a little, he plucked up one of the blueberry and leaned on the counter in anthony’s general vicinity.