GOOD NEWS.

 still, it was good to know that sarah and ant hadn’t thought he should go on the podcast specifically. it soothed a piece of him that had been terrified he was, once again, placing trust in people he shouldn’t be. it was nice to be wrong for once. nice to have his insecurities squashed by the simple fact that the worst had not come to pass. the squeeze on his shoulder and the apology just made him shake his head,

“it’s okay. you didn’t. neither of you did,” he looked between anthony and sarah before focusing back on anthony. his hand moved to touch the other man’s that had been on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. "thanks for wanting clarity, i guess. most people would just - not believe me..."

she believed him, of course. but, she'd believed justice too. justice was in the wrong, but what she'd told them wasn't untrue. so what did that mean for the future of her relationships with both justice and wren? it felt like there was a line drawn between the two of them, and she needed to figure out which side of it she would be on.

if tag's goal was to torture them, it seemed like he could probably take a step back for a while. they were doing a fine job at it without his interference.

ultimately, though, it was tag's actions that put them all in the position they were in. wren never would've been arrested if it weren't for their anonymous stalker, after all. from what she'd seen thus far, it seemed that he was trying to drive a wedge between them. asking wren to choose between her and ant, having her throw a drink on amara... they seemed to be things to insight discourse between them. this just seemed like the most effective version so far.

tag always brought the fuel, he had done it on more than one occasion. all it took was for someone else to light the match. unfortunately, that had been justice.

sarah's biggest desire was to go home to her apartment, and not reemerge until absolutely necessary. she was already trying to remember if she had any sick time accrued at work. perhaps by the time she came back out, things would have righted themselves.

"this is... it's a lot, you know?"

“if there’s one thing leona has taught me, it’s that you should always hear both sides of the story,” ant offers with a small shrug, taking the squeeze of his hand from wren in stride, “everyone has their own truth, right?”

ant could tell that sarah was trying to process all of this new information. and she was right, it was a lot. everything about their lives had gotten ten times more complicated in the past few months, and it was extremely hard to keep up with everything. he wasn’t even really sure that he’d fully processed amelia’s death yet, but here he was, soldiering on because he didn’t have a choice. he figured, maybe, that was what sarah had been doing too.

“do you want to hang out for a bit, sarah? we were about to watch a movie,” he offers before looking down at wren, “that’s okay, right?”

"venmo request me." he nods, rising from the booth. musa walks outside, leaning against the hood of his car. he checks his phone, remembers he turned it off — a habit he's gotten into lately. he keeps it off when he doesn't need it since the party. he powers it on to check for any missed notifications.

the look on musa’s face sends a rushing wave of guilt through anthony. the voiced concern for him and liza, followed by tell me how i can help just made ant want to go back into the diner and act like nothing was wrong. he wished he could act as if he wasn’t about to drop the biggest bomb on his friend. his best friend.

a smile stretched over his lips just hearing the yes. yes, was a simple word with a basic definition but this one, this one made his heart soar. answering the soft kiss was instinctive, easy, better than riding a bike. wren leaned his head against anthony’s on his shoulder and found his shoulders shaking at the mention of a crazy 12 hours. “it really fucking has,” he murmured back but there was humor in his words.

for him, he had been let free from jail, but he did find himself curious about what the last twelve hours had held for ant. his had still rested on his boyfriend’s neck, fingers still gently playing the curls there before he hummed again, “oh, we’re going to finish these muffins and i am definitely going to finish my coffee,” his words were strong in their conviction because damn him if he let good muffins go to waste. wren’s own form of blasphemy.

moving their eyes to meet when the other man looked at him, he nodded, “if you have finding nemo, i’m game. then when that’s over, you can tell me all about your last twelve hours. or you can tell me over these muffins and coffee first. whatever you like best,” his fingers tugged gently on the soft curls he couldn’t get enough of as if he was trying to drill the point home.

it was hard for anthony to fully let go of his anxiety, but he was trying. he was still worried about what was going to happen next, what that anonymous psycho has in store for them, but he was doing his best to put on a brave face for wren. the man had just gotten out of jail after being falsely accused of murder, after all. anthony wanted to make sure he at least had a moment of peace before he started piling on more shit.

“sabrina has disney plus, and i have her login. so, in a way, i do have finding nemo,” he explains with a soft, easy grin as he leans into wren’s touch, “but let’s finish these muffins first.”

a light laugh shakes anthony’s shoulders, his nose bumping gently against wren’s with the motion. “well, my favorite color is red, and my favorite food is scrambled eggs. but, like, not plain obviously. they have to be covered in salt and pepper and cheese,” he answers before nudging wren’s nose with his own, “your turn.”

　　♡　　“ i don’t understand why you guys keep saying that . ”  perhaps it was something they had been telling each other this past year. maybe they spoke about it beyond the subtle jabs that had gone over georgia’s head at eliza’s. how many conversations would she find it in if she started to dissect the past ? “ there’s nothing wrong with either of you. ” even their dishonesty had somehow circled back to being something wrong with her. “ you’re both amazing. you’re so amazing. you were my best friends. ” first, spoken like it was a good thing. a glowing review of the people she held close to her heart. another bullet point on the list of reasons why she couldn’t imagine either of them being ashamed of the other.

then again, hurt creeping into her words. “ you were my best friends. ” to someone that didn’t know georgia, the title probably didn’t hold any weight. she was a friend to all. walls covered in bright paint, posters, and art were still walls. even if she dressed it up pretty, georgia was more closed off than she seemed. “ and there were times that i needed you guys. i’d be worried about dad and then i can’t just call you both to come or just have a group chat because i have to worry about you guys bickering because i thought you didn’t like each other. ” wrong in the case of they climbed into bed together more than once. maybe technically correct in the way they both seemed to make it sound like that was the bad part, not everything that followed. “ but hey ! it’s fine now, problem solved. ”

the admission of planning to tell musa, though it should have been a relief, was another twist of the knife. she isn’t sure what she hates more — how small her voice sounded when she asked, or the fact that she even did. “ when were you planning to tell me ? ”

there’s nothing wrong with either of you. even as georgia’s words echoed in anthony’s head, he couldn’t help but feel like that wasn’t true for him. maybe it was true for blythe because, well, it was blythe after all. but anthony? the whole reason he was back in wrensted was because there was something wrong with him. he didn’t need mandatory therapy to tell him that much. he had felt it since he twelve years old, waking up to find out that whispered i love you from his mom was really a goodbye. the feeling had only grown deeper, digging roots into every fiber of his being, since then. but he couldn’t explain that to georgia, not now. he’d be shifting the attention to his pain, like he always does, and this moment is about hers.

georgia’s use of the past tense, not just once but twice, is a cut deeper than anthony's ever felt before. there weren’t many people that he let into the most intimate parts of himself, but with georgia, it had always been so easy. he never felt judged or weak. she had been a pillar for anthony to lean on when he needed strength. he had hoped he’d done a good job at reciprocating that for his friend, but now he wasn’t so sure.

“we don’t like each other,” he says limply, knowing it’s futile. what kind of sane person sleeps with someone you don’t like? not just once, but twice. it didn’t make any fucking sense, despite the reality that it was.

anthony can feel himself sinking now, especially at the sound of georgia’s voice, how small and betrayed she sounded. he wanted to tear himself open, show her that he was still the same ant that she knew and loved but had just made a mistake. a pretty fucking big mistake. one that was apparently costing him one of the best friendships he’s ever had.

“i wanted to tell you.” his voice is quiet, weak. “but anytime i might’ve thought about it, i just felt… kinda like how i do now. ashamed and pathetic.” his grip on the chain around his neck tightens for a second, his breathing becoming more shaky. “it wasn’t even supposed to happen. but then it did, and it was so much easier to act like it didn’t. plus, with me and blythe… it felt like an unspoken agreement to just never talk about it again. i-i didn’t think… god, musa is gonna hate me, isn’t he?”

a small, half-hearted laugh escapes ant’s lips as he finishes up the rest of his meal. “yeah, everyone is physically fine,” he concedes, shaking his head, “but mentally? we’re all a little more fucked up than we were before.” anthony wipes his hands on his napkin before pushing himself up from the booth. “i’ll go pay and meet you outside?”

he doesn’t wait for an answer from musa before he’s making his way towards the cash register sitting on the far end of the bar. anthony fumbles with his wallet, his hands shaking from nerves as he taps his card and stuffs a few bills in the tip jar.

the cold air is enough to shake a little of the nerves anthony feels once he steps outside. fuck, he needs to get this over with before he completely chickens out or has a panic attack. or both.

　　♡　　it was strange listening to him describe his relationship with blythe for what it actually was . it wasn’t that everything else went away, but it was like a filter had been placed over all her memories of the two. more accurately, a filter had been removed. if blythe hadn’t said worse, maybe she would have felt that protective flame ignite in her chest. maybe if she felt anything other that numb, she would have parroted blythe’s excuse of it being the worst thing she’d ever done. even now, georgia couldn’t bring herself to rub salt in a wound. she didn’t hate them.

above all else, she was just sad. perhaps rage would have been easier. she wouldn’t be left lingering, waiting for anthony to pull out a magical solution that she just hadn’t thought of. wouldn’t care about lining up their stories to see what matched, what differed. maybe she wouldn’t have even noticed where they overlapped in opinion beyond fact.

“ no, you didn’t, ” georgia argued, though it was honestly more of a personal opinion than fact. “ because it’s not true. ” the whine was grating even to her own ears as anthony’s excuse mirrored the one blythe gave. “ this, ” she mirrored anthony’s gesture between the two of them. “ was not some inevitable thing. i don’t care what you guys did. it’s secrets and lying, we don’t do that. it wouldn’t be happening if you just talked to me. ” apparently, neither of them had believed that. just once, there was some room to argue that maybe it was as much of blythe thing as it was about georgia. that she was just saying whatever she could when she was drunk. now a second time from a sober anthony, there was nowhere to hide from the truth.

that was just how they thought about georgia.

both of them, but individually. there was enough difference in their explanations, and shock in anthony’s reaction to finding out she knew, that it didn’t seem like they had sat together and crafted their responses together. “ you’re losing me, but i don’t know if i ever really had you. ” of course, there were things that anthony had undeniably told georgia. the reason he was back in town, for one. something about the memory was tainted in a way she couldn’t quite explain. like the grand friendship had been built up in georgia’s mind, whereas anthony only gave her the rundown because of that ache in your chest when you need to tell someone — and she might’ve been one of the only to know he had gone to the guidance counselor in high school. less backstory explaining, less of a blow to the reputation.

a part of anthony knew that georgia had a point. that maybe it wasn't the indiscretion itself that was hurting her, but the fact that he'd kept it from her. but there's also an inkling in the back of his mind telling him that this would have happened anyway. even if he had told georgia a year ago, after the first time it happened, they would still be having this same conversation. he would still be losing a friend. one of his closest friends. because of a stupid fucking mistake that he made when he was drunk and grieving.

"i was ashamed and embarrassed," he says, his voice small and defeated. even though it was true, ant knew that it wouldn't lessen the blow for georgia. the damage was already done, anthony could see it written all over her face. when they walked out of this room, he knew they were no longer friends. it hurt, but there was nothing he could do about it now. even as he flinched at the weight of her words, assumed that georgia was now doubting everything about their friendship, he knew anything he said now was pointless, an echo in a void where her trust in him had been.

"i'm sorry. you did have me. and i'm really fucking sorry that this is ruining that. that my actions are the cause of it."

ant slumps further against the table he had been leaning on at the mention of his best friend. maybe this was why he hadn't told georgia yet-- because she would keep him honest, would make him tell musa even if it was the last thing he wanted to. which, for the record, it was.

maybe he was being hasty. maybe he wasn’t thinking of potential issues or complications. but for most of his life, wren thought of consequences simply because they always seemed to find him without him doing any action to get them. it was the what if? that was moving him forward instead of running away. what if this was good? what if they could be happy? what if life didn’t have to be a constant state of fear or loneliness? what if, what if, what if.

he breathed softly when anthony leaned his forehead into his. for the briefest moment, they simply breathed the same air. this, this was worth every worry and any fear that may have come to his mind. the simple moment of being close to someone. physical or bathed in basic honesty. worth every worry. worth every dumbfounded look he might receive. with any luck, they had plenty of time to dig deep and know every secret the other held but until then… soft moments… were good enough for him.

a simple question required a simple answer. and for anthony, he knew that answer was written all over his face. in the way his grin spread and his eyes sparkled in the dim light of his kitchenette. there were probably a dozen reasons why ant should say no-- wren just got out of jail, someone was actively terrorizing them, there was still so much they didn't know about each other-- but none of it mattered. he didn't care about any of those, the things that caused anxiety to ripple through him like a second heartbeat. he only cared about the fingers tangled in his hair and the warm skin under his own fingertips.

"yes, i will be your boyfriend, wren poe," ant mused softly before bringing his lips to wren's again. he kept the kiss chaste, something soft and light, before he pulled away. a small huff of air escapes him as he drops his forehead down to wren's shoulder, his own shoulders shaking in a breathless laugh. "what an insane past twelve hours," he mumbled into the fabric beneath him.

in an even more hushed tone, she added. "according to wpd, wren having a knife, and a knife being at the valentine's dance, was enough." the knife at the crime scene, pinning the pig's heart to the wall, was not wren's knife. but, that part apparently didn't matter. jordan leaned back in her seat, then smiled a bit sadly. "i just thought he deserved to know," she doubted the wrensted police department could set their pride aside for long enough to admit that they had been wrong. "could you tell him?"

"a knife?" ant inquired incredulously, shaking his head. "sabrina has a bunch of knives back in the kitchen. are they gonna arrest her next?" he knew what he was saying was ridiculous, but it only further proved his point. arresting someone off of little to no evidence and just coincidences was shoddy police work-- and wren had to suffer because of it.

"i'll let him know," he assures jordan with a nod, "thank you for telling me. um-- how are you doing? did you enjoy that weird-ass party?"

did it feel like jumping? to him, maybe. it wasn’t as if the ground had fallen out from under him. anthony was something, someone he was willing to take the leap for. for so long in his life he had yearned for connection he either never let himself have or found himself injured, mostly in heart, any time he tried to reach out. most recently, that had been proven to him, but this, him – he was still going to go for. for once in his fucking life.

“the kind of leap i’m ready for,” he answered honestly with the hand in his he gave it a gentle squeeze thinking of the fact that they had already had something of this conversation before. when they were dancing, before he was arrested.

nodding his head along with anthony saying it was important for musa to hear it from him. “he’s your friend, so treat him that way..” was all he had to add to it because yes, it was. probably more important than most people would think but honesty meant a lot to people that were being hurt. even if they didn’t want to hear it at first. at least, he would have in his position.

but whatever else he was going to say left him when the other man didn’t think him ridiculous for admitting he was a virgin. not that wren thought he would but it was nice to hear it out loud. humming softly, wren leaned his head into the hand that cupped his cheek and looked into those green eyes, he was really beginning to like love. “yeah?” he murmured softly, leaning his head towards ant’s so their foreheads could touch just like they had the week before.

a part of anthony was still terrified. neither of them had any idea what else their friendly neighborhood psycho had in store for them and the rest of the group. whoever it was had already hurt so many people, wren included, and there was no telling who was next on their list. but, like wren said, ant didn’t want this threat looming over them to keep him from going after the things he wants, which, right now, is the man in front of him.

he closes his eyes when their foreheads touch, a small sigh of relief escaping his lips at the contact. for someone who was so affectionate, it had been hard for ant not to have someone to share it with since him and amelia had broken up. no one he had been with since then had ever seemed truly receptive to how much he just wanted to touch them, especially when it wasn’t in a sexual manner. but with wren, it feels like he can finally be himself— at least in that sense.

was he meant to be angrier about anthony hooking up with some blythe in the past? like he had been telling himself and even telling the other man, relationships weren’t his strong suit. if they weren’t pursuing something together already then what did he right would he have to be mad about it? then again, he didn’t exactly have any strong connections with any of the people mentioned in the situation. blythe had been a friend once. when he was young, they had been children and she had been new to school. all the other kids were assholes and wren hadn’t been. that was about as much to the story as there would ever be.

well, except now she had hooked up with someone he was romantically interested in before they had started anything at all. “look i don’t think either of us were in the right place to just be jumping into something around new year’s. fuck, someone might say we aren’t now,” he countered gently, knowing that maybe getting together with someone he was just getting to really know all the while they are being stalked by an obvious psycho. his free hand going to nudge ant’s chin so he would look at him, “but we also only live one life and i’m not going to let some anonymous asshole rule mine.”

the words were said with conviction because he damn well wasn’t going to let anyone stop them unless it was the two of them deciding that they weren’t going to do the… together thing…

“i think you should tell him when you can. rip off the band aid because if we’ve proven anything in the last two or so months… shit doesn’t stay a secret. if you're best friends, maybe he can find it in himself to forgive you..,” that had him biting the inside of his lip as he thought it over, one of his own secrets maybe. not really a secret per say but something maybe…

anthony lets his head be lifted, meeting wren’s gaze reluctantly. he didn’t know what he was expecting once he put all of his cards on the table when it came to blythe, but it wasn’t… this. but he was grateful for the kind of understanding from wren that he was receiving, that he definitely did not deserve.

“is that what we’re doing?” he asks, tilting his head to the side just slightly. “jumping into something? together?”

though ant knew his own answer the question, he didn’t want to assume wren’s. all of this talking they were doing was all well and good, but that didn’t mean that wren was ready to do or be anything more than just what they are right now. especially when wren had just been held accused for murder not even twenty four hours ago. but wren was right. it wasn’t fair to himself to let whatever fuck-ass mind games this tag person was playing with them get in the way of what he really wants— which is the man standing in his kitchen, holding his hand and being so goddamn understanding that it physically made ant’s heart ache.

as a force of habit, anthony uses his free hand to grab at the chain around his neck. he rubs his thumb and forefinger along it as he sighs. it’s not ideal, having to tell musa everything when there’s a bigger threat looming over them, but he doesn’t want to risk it coming from someone else. “i think you’re right,” he agrees, “it’s better he hears it from me, right?”

　　♡　　“ that is so . . . ”  georgia started, but she couldn’t find the word. a sharp, bitter laugh pushed past her lips. bullshit probably. “ i don’t even care anymore. ” hearing blythe’s reasoning for keeping it from her had just been another wound. “ because you know what ? i realised there’s nothing you could you could say. ” not for a lack of trying, georgia had already had this conversation multiple times in her head. the perfect, idealistic art of pretending they would say exactly what you wanted to hear. no matter what, the numb feeling she had woken up with the next morning had never gone away.

perhaps one could argue it was because that wasn’t real, but georgia had crafted many people’s apologies that way. accepted some poor excuse or nothing at all in exchange for a second, third, hundredth chance. they weren’t blythe or anthony. weren’t the people who held a piece of her that she rarely ever shared.

each word felt like an arrow aimed at anthony’s heart. he can’t remember ever hearing georgia this upset, this angry, especially with him. in a way, he’s almost glad that she told him there was nothing he could say because, right now, he’s speechless. when he ended his weird dalliance with blythe, he just assumed it was something that would never come up again, that it was a secret he could take to the grave if he really needed to. because it was one that was shrouded in so much shame— not just for the pain it would cause some of the most important people in his life, but also for how he probably treated blythe throughout it all. each time, it had either been clouded with alcohol or grief, and no one deserved that, to be treated like they were only a method of distraction.

it’s not what he deserves from georgia, this opening to explain himself. he’s honestly surprised that she’s still in the room. and maybe, in some deluded way, ant can convince himself that this is a testament to their friendship. she’s not walking away just yet, not until he at least tries to fix it.

"a year? shit, okay," he mumbles, heading spinning. the walls definitely felt like they were closing in on him now. "the first time was after amelia and i broke up. which, as you know, i didn’t handle very well. i was drunk at a party, and blythe was just, you know, there. i felt awful afterwards. i mean, i was afraid blythe would think i was just using her as a rebound— which, i guess, in a way i was. but that was… it was supposed to be a one time thing."

that part, at least, anthony knows is the truth. he never planned on it happening again, but everything had just been so fucking weird since he came back to wrensted.

the issue for him had always been if he could trust that someone actually cared. were they asking if he was okay because they truly wanted to know? or was it so the school could say that they had tried but when he inevitably crashed and burned? but that feeling was something he still struggled with. wren had to tell himself every day that he was worth caring about. worth having someone hold his hand to comfort him while he talked about things that still hurt. that he was worth the air he breathed.

answering ant’s comforting movements with some of his own, he squeezed his hand in return when he started to talk about amelia. oh amelia. someone wren, honestly, did his best not to think about most days. ships passing in the night style. hoping and praying he didn’t need to have a conversation with her. ever. his dislike for her stemmed from something he never spoke of and with any luck, would never need to. but hearing anthony speak of her, he couldn’t help but want to wrap his arms around the other man.

he had a feeling there was more to his statement, something lingering in the pain of the memory of how amelia broke up with him, only because there was always something more to that woman. yet, it wasn’t his to dig into. not even those mistakes the man illuded to. not until he brought up blythe. blinking somewhat bird like for a moment, wren’s own thoughts paused and rewound to the last time he saw blythe…

“first, you are good enough. our mistakes don’t always make us who we are if we can learn and grow from them. do better next time,” it’s something he always had to tell himself. just like his worth, he was good enough too. as if he was trying to drive his point home, he tugged on ant’s hand so he could place a kiss on his knuckles.

“second, i mean, aren’t they broken up? or is that a bro code thing cause he’s your best friend,” this questioned was murmured against his knuckles before wren moved away and thought about it. he didn’t have many bros that would matter to a code, but he had seen mention of it in media. friends not fucking or dating friend’s exes? really, he had never known if it was a real thing.

anthony lets out a relaxed breath when wren pulls his knuckles to his lips. even though he had just dropped this bomb of the fact that he’d slept with his best friend’s ex-girlfriend, wren wasn’t getting angry or walking away. he was staying. and isn’t that what anthony had been looking for all along? for someone to stay?

"they are broken up, yeah. have been for a while, actually," he confirms with a nod. regardless, the thought of having kept this secret from his best friend for so long makes him sick to his stomach. he can’t even begin to count the times that he’d imagine what would happen once musa finds out. at best, anthony would get a much deserved punch in the face and they’d leave it at all. at worst… he loses his best friend. and he doesn’t think he has it in him to lose any more people right now.

"i don’t know if it’s a bro code thing. me and musa aren’t really like that. at least, i don’t think we are. but him and blythe… they have so much history. if he found out, he’d hate me. especially since i kept it from him."

was one of those recent?

it was a tricky question for anthony to answer, especially considering the timeline of it all. he keeps his gaze trained on their hands as he responds. "the first time was over a year ago, after amelia broke up with me. and the second time…" he pauses, takes a shaky breath. "it was right after new years." he lets the revelation hang in their air between them before he continues: "i don’t want you to think that moment between us at randy’s party didn’t matter to me. because it did. it was before anything really happened between us, i promise. i told blythe that i couldn’t keep doing it once i realized something was happening between us. which is probably why she was weird at the dance."

"she’ll reach out, don’t worry."

when anthony said these words, he really did mean it. despite all of his qualms about justice, he wanted sarah to be happy and if justice was a part of that… then he’d just have to get over it. though, he was realizing now he had a bad habit of not being entirely favorable with the significant others of his friends. first georgia, and now sarah. maybe… was he the problem?

the thought is quickly shoved away at the mention of wren. after everything this morning, anthony feels obligated to share the frustration in regard to the podcast. but the way justice sounded now, he had to stop himself from stepping towards them and reaching out a hand of comfort.

　　♡　　as sabrina and bella walk away, georgia almost feels bad for not saying goodbye .  it would have been impossible to send all that time with anthony and not get even a little attached to the rest of his family. especially for someone like georgia. the thought is left in the hallway as anthony moved their conversation into a more private room.

so he had more ability to pace, it seemed. the accusation didn’t come out as fast as the wordless usher had made it seem like it would. she could’ve broken the silence first, but she didn’t. she sat down in strange offering he had provided and watched his small movements around the room.

it would have been easy to wiggle out of the question he had landed on. didn’t he listen to the average occupant of wrested ? georgia mei was a weird girl ! except she didn’t want to try and pry herself free anymore. draw out the inevitable. each excuse she had been giving herself had gone.

his feet come to an abrupt stop in their pacing, and his eyes stay trained very pointedly at his shoes on the linoleum. blythe had told georgia everything. which, anthony realizes, could only really mean one thing: that their hook-up was no longer a secret just between them. georgia knew. she knew what he had done, what both him and blythe had done. she knew that he kept it from her this whole time. no wonder georgia had been ignoring him. what else were you supposed to do when you found out one of your closest friends had been lying to you? and, with horror, anthony realizes that he probably would’ve kept lying about it, if given the chance. telling wren had been one thing; he wasn’t upset, mostly because there was no string holding him and blythe together. but with georgia? ant knew they were close, and yet, he’d done this anyway.

“fuck,” he mumbles, leaning back against the nearest table where he had stopped his pacing. he realizes then that it should feel like the walls are caving in around him. one of his secrets, something he’d done in the midst of drunkenness and grief, had made its way to one of his dearest friends. he should be horrified. but all he feels is… relief? but that couldn’t be right. he should feel crushed under this revelation, not like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.