Darth Tittious 🏴‍☠️🏳️‍🌈

No offense but *coughs into a white cloth, then dramatically unfolds it to reveal that it is spotted with blood, foreshadowing my tragic death by tuberculosis at the ending of the film*

Look, guys, I get that people have opinions on Spider-Man but the American president just insinuated that the vast majority of American Jews are traitors, and the Amazon Rainforest has been burning for over two weeks, this is not as big a deal as people are acting like. 

bastard’s degree

bastard of sciences

any group of children between ages 7 and 14 will, if left unattended for over 40 seconds, begin to form weird cults

seriously you go into another room to get a band-aid and you come back to find a quartet of ten year-olds prostrating themselves around a dirty baby sock they found on the floor and chanting “speak to us, master” and that’s just life

I am a teacher and my students formed an unhealthy obsession with a can of unopened sprite I had on my shelf. They called it their god. One day I found them holding rulers in the form of a cross singing Kumbaya, so I hid the Sprite as it was becoming a distraction. So the students made a change.org petition to find it.

biden straight up said “poor kids are just as bright as white kids” and the news keeps referring to it as a “gaffe” instead of “incredibly revealing racist moment”