mari

my absence will never haunt anyone because my presence never mattered

you know the thoughts are winning when you log back onto tumblr

sometimes suffering is just suffering it doesn’t make you stronger it just hurts

If I ever kill myself just know I tried my fucking best and please forgive me

I hope when death finds me it feels like my father carrying me to bed from the car while I'm asleep.

While everyone else is full of life, here I am waiting for my death.

Feeling like you're too much is honestly one of the worst feelings to possibly exist. It just feels like you need to stop being yourself and existing all together. It's like you crawl out of your own skin and laugh in disgust at what remains, it's pathetic. And so saddening.

sorry i never responded to your text, i've been busy being paralyzed by my own inability to do basic tasks that are piling up.

at some point depression is just embarrassing like hey yeah I've wanted to kill myself since I was Seven Years Old idk I guess I'm procrastinating yes I am Still Depressed god just put me down like a sick dog why don't you

passive suicidal thoughts are the worst.. i'm not even trying to kill myself but still wishing all the time whether something happens and i just vanish away from this world.. maybe being hit while crossing road or getting a life threatening disease.. inside, it keeps eating me alive

I wish depression were an emergency. I wish someone could take one look at how sick I am and go “oh my god, we need to get you to a hospital!” and then when we get there I get rushed into surgery and the surgeons say “it’s a good thing you brought her here when you did, this is a seriously advanced case” and then they put me under and spend the next ten hours pulling metres of long, sticky black strands of gunk out of my body, throwing it immediately into an incinerator so that it can’t infect anyone else. And then they could stitch me back up and I could rest a few days, and when I leave the hospital everyone can see how much better I am and they congratulate me saying “well done, you’ve been so brave, I’m so glad you’re ok. I love you.”