i need to killl myself but like nonchalantly

Love Begins

⁂
Acquired Stardust
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
almost home

@theartofmadeline

roma★

Andulka
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Misplaced Lens Cap
Three Goblin Art
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if i look back, i am lost
Today's Document
Keni
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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@echoesofsaturn
i need to killl myself but like nonchalantly

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"whats your 5 year plan?" buddy I nearly go insane thinking about what I should have for dinner
somewhere between idgaf and vomiting from anxiety
and suddenly, again, I feel really tired, as if the world is draining me of everything i ever had
I don't want my life to be a perpetual load of trying to recover from something after something and someone after someone. I don't want recovery to be all that I am.

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If I ever lose my battle to mental health, just know you're the reason I stayed longer.
as my final act of love, I will swallow every "please stay" and turn it into silence so you don't feel trapped by my ache
People think I overreact, but they don’t understand that even silence feels like abandonment when you’ve been left too many times.
when the "i don’t need anyone anyway“ act wears off and all i want is for someone to hold me in their arms and tell me their biggest fear is losing me.
And when you grow up in a burning house, it becomes harder to tell the difference between love that warms you gently and resentment that scorches everything in its path because you are always on fire, and sometimes you mistake the flames for home. The person who breaks you often feels like home because pain is the first language you ever learned. You learn to find comfort in the chaos, to see tenderness in destruction, to call survival devotion. The smoke becomes your perfume, the heat your second skin, and when someone finally offers you calm, you flinch—because peace feels foreign when you’ve only ever known how to burn.
-vesper

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— Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin
I'm losing all my reasons to stay but I'll be alright.
“My life is whatever the other person in the room wants it to be. Therefore, when I am alone, my life is nothing.”
— The secret Diary of Laura Palmer (1990), by Jennifer Lynch
I'm slowly going insane, there something wrong with my fucking mental state
my suicidal ideations are slowly growing onto me

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I can't be a giver anymore. I want to be loved, nourished, taken care of, spoiled & prioritized. Not just by words, but by actions too.
I hate having an internal monologue. Girl shut the fuck up.