I’m going to drink your bones
Ok I'll bite. Who's Moopsy
Moopsy!
Oh I think I love it
And it loves the taste of your bones!

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@starfleet-oshc
I’m going to drink your bones
Ok I'll bite. Who's Moopsy
Moopsy!
Oh I think I love it
And it loves the taste of your bones!

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Oh fuck me right to hell I forgot to prepare a post for first contact day
Okay
Starfleet safety tips
When you meet a new alien species use a condom okay? They may cum in peace but the microbes do not
guy who plays albums on mute, it was never really about sound for him as much as feeling a sense of progression through a series of named durations
My "It can't be that bad- no one from the 29th century showed up to undo what I did." t-shirt is raising a lot of questions from Temporal Investigations that my t-shirt should have explained.
please rephrase that, miles.
No, Worf fucks too hard and it's really interfering with starfleet operations when half the staff can't walk properly.
In a similar vein...
The Starfleet Operational Safety and Health Command would like to remind all Starfleet officers that as a sex-positive organization, we encourage officers to explore their desires while observing appropriate safety measures during intimate encounters: Wear padding and helmets while necessary, stretch and lubricate before hand, and if you see, hear or feel something pop out of place, or are otherwise injured, stop immediately and seek medical care. Starfleet medical officers are obligated by both Starfleet Medical regulation and Federation federal law to not divulge any medical care they provide without your explicit prior authorization under penalty of expulsion from Starfleet, retraction of medical license, and prison time.
The specifics of the non-physical safety are best left to Starfleet HR to handle and thank the stars because I am not prepared for all that.

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16/11/2025 Doctor Beverly Crusher @SpaceDocMom Incoming Transmission…
Our combadges have an "unavailable" setting and I frequently have to remind crew to use it. Everyone needs downtime. It's not only okay for you to refuse to take calls or read social media when you need space, it's essential for your overall health. emojis: black heart, blue heart, masked, spoon
there's been an incident with the reactor core, er, that is, [english accent] an, er, fracas with the reactor, so to say, [scottish accent] a wee snafu with the containment casing, [new yorker accent] a prahblem with the reactuh, well how do I put this, um, [cantonese accent] 全部都係屌晒
Stop playing with your universal translator and focus, lieutenant, the Romulans are this close to tearing through our hull!
"Captain, we must uphold the temporal prime directive."
"Very well, program the photon torpedoes to project a hologram of a late 20th century united airlines airliner"
"Sir, I should warn you that the primitive petroleum-based fuel of this era would not burn at a suffici-"
"No time for a science lesson, Mr Data. Make it so."
"Captain, I cannot explain it, but the tower started to explode even before our torpedo impacted"

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naaah, this was so foul
absolutely negative way these men weren't fucking
they really letting these kids into starfleet too young these days
like i believe that kids are smarter and more capable than they're given credit for but come on dude these kids are like 8 you can't be givin these guys phasers you can't be sendin these kids to fight romulans man that's fucked up you can't be givin kids ptsd before they're old enough to drive what the hell admiralty?
Starfleet Safety Tips: Klingon Weapons
Hello everyone, long time no see. Today is going to be a bit off-script, in that I will not be referencing the Operational Safety and Health Command's regulation manual. This is because I will be covering something that is not the strict province of the OSHC, but is instead something that is among my personal interests, information that is the result of several lifetimes' worth of experience: Klingon weapons, and how to approach them, both as an attacker and as a defender. Pay attention, cadet, this could save your life, or at least make sure there's enough of you left to bury. Keep in mind that this special edition of Starfleet Safety Tips assumes a base-level familiarity with Starfleet combat procedure and a passing familiarity with hand to hand armed combat.
We will begin first with their primary ranged weapon, the disruptor:
Now, the Klingon disruptor bears little practical deviation from disruptors used by other fighting forces in the Alpha and Beta quadrants: Thoron-based projected energy weapons capable of vaporizing humanoid targets in one shot, and existing in both pistol and rifle form-factors, with the primary difference being that rifles take up extra weight and space in exchange for being easier to aim and being able to fire more shots before recharging. Klingon disruptors specifically produce an identifiable hadron-ion discharge residue, but that's something to worry about after a firefight, not during.
While there are personal force field solutions capable of absorbing both phaser and disruptor fire, they are complicated, energy intensive, and prone to failure with repeated use, and so are much less reliable than the tried and true outer layers of the old "survivability onion." Your best bet against a disruptor is to avoid engagement, and if that's impossible, you should minimize the target you present and find solid cover. Beware: There's no such thing as a "grazing shot" with a weapon that can blow your arm clean off.
Next: The Bat'leth:
The ol' faithful, the Sword of Honor, the blade that Kahless the Unforgettable used to put the hurt on the Hur'q, the supposed blade that slayed the Klingon Gods whilst humans were still dealing with the Bubonic Plague. While there are countless variations on the Bat'leth, with their own quirks, upsides and downsides, the one you're likely to be most familiar with is also the one you're most likely to tangle with. While I'm a big fan of bringing phasers to swordfights because I'm not a dumb idiot who likes dying, I will offer some points to keep in mind for if you have to engage hand to hand.
Those points on the end are not for show. Those were meant to pierce the exoskeletons of the Hur'q, and remain quite effective at piercing lighter armor, especially since a lot of modern armor is anti-ballistic or anti-particle rather than anti-blade. Don't let them stab you, stupid.
While it may seem impractical (and it honestly is a bit), don't underestimate a motivated Klingon carrying one of these. The Bat'leth is a weapon of discipline, and Klingon who use them are themselves worthy of caution regardless of the weapon they carry.
Those double prongs are very effective for binding an opponent's weapon. If you're using a Bat'leth against a stronger opponent, take advantage of it! Bind with one end, then switch up to stab with the other. You're losing some power that way, but a shallow stab your opponent can't defend is better than a deep one they can.
The grip you start a fight with isn't the grip you'll use the whole fight. One of the virtues of the Bat'leth is its peculiar grip. You can wield it one-handed on one of the lateral grips for more reach, two-handed on a single lateral grip or lateral and central grips for better leverage, or you can hold it on both lateral grips if you need to shove an opponent. Bat'leth masters are known to flow between all three grips smoothly.
Bigger isn't always better. Go ahead, say the penis jokes you're thinking of so we can move on. I can handle a Bat'leth as tall as I am because I've been fighting with them for an aggregate of a hundred fifty years. You should stick to one that's about the same length as the distance from the top of your head to knee-height, about 75% of your height in total. Too small, you have no reach. Too big and you lose control. Either way, death.
The Mek'leth is our next subject.
Often confused by the ignorant for the smaller, slightly more conventional Klingon dagger known as a d'k tahg, the mek'leth, whose name's etymology is disputed and unimportant for this discussion. There's a lot of "lore" for these weapons that it agonizes me to leave by the wayside but there are only so many hours in a day.
The most striking characteristic of this weapon is its guard. In true Klingon style, the defense is offense, and the mek'leth is often called a two-pronged weapon (not entirely wrong, but not entirely right). In a close-quarters fight, be wary because a faceful of that guard is just as dangerous as a faceful of the main blade.
Mek'leths are primarily slashing weapons, or more accurately hacking weapons. Note the relatively blunt, wide tip, which moves the weight of the blade forward, effectively making it less a pure sword and more like the offspring of a sword and an axe. It can still slash, cutting deep on a drawn cut like other curved blades, so beware, but you're mostly going to deal with quick chops.
The mek'leth is less impressive than the bat'leth, but it's also far more economic, both in terms of material and in terms of energy. It's lighter, it's faster, and it's far more agile, easier to hide, and much easier to wield.
Remember when I said that calling it a two-prong weapon was a little wrong? That "pommel" is a third prong. Don't get struck with the pommel, you're effectively just getting stabbed.
That handle fucking sucks to hold. You use that thing long enough, it's gonna fuck up your hand, especially as the leather wrap wears out. If you're a Klingon weeb like me and get a mek'leth, replace the handle with something more ergonomic.
Mek'leths have a different philosophy in their wielding. The bat'leth is the sword of honor. It's the sword you use when you face an enemy an equal footing, and prove you are superior. The mek'leth is the blade of reason (according to some etymologies). You use the mek'leth against an opponent that you aren't quite as confident against, or against an opponent for whom you have little respect. Keep an eye on how your enemy holds it. If they're aggressive, they might be overconfident and leave openings. If they're defensive, you might be able to back them into a corner and use their wariness against them.
The final weapon I'll be going over today is, in my opinion, the best of the Klingon's hand to hand weapons in an all-purpose fight. It's got the reach and versatility of a bat'leth, but maintains the much more sensible, no-frills approach of the mek'leth. And if you encounter a Klingon wielding one competently, you are likely to die.
The Kur'leth:
Note the design cues taken from the Mek'leth, especially the bladed pommel and guard. Note also that it is much longer, and has a hole in the blade, which is a functional feature.
The Kur'leth, the so called "uninteresting blade" is, for a Klingon weapon, a no-frills affair. I know, I know, I'm speaking in relative terms here. It lacks that extravagance and legendary status of the bat'leth, and the brutality associated with the mek'leth. What it does have is a nice, long, curved blade and a well-guarded grip. It handles a lot like any other one-handed sword, with its forward curve allowing it to get around some guards and its sharp tip aligned nicely for thrusting despite its curve.
The hole in the blade has two purposes: First, to counteract its shape's tendency to push the weight forward, sacrificing some chopping power in exchange for greater agility and precision. Second: It is intended to be gripped. Much like the bat'leth, you can take advantage of its exotic shape to change up your style on the fly. Need to half-sword? Hand on the handle, hand on the blade grip. Need chopping power? Flip it around, use that guard like an axe head.
This next bit is also a bit more "philosophy of Klingon swordsmanship" so bear with me. Klingons rarely use the kur'leth, and its use is somewhat frowned upon. Some say that Klingons think it's "too easy" to kill with it, which I think would be the height of arrogance even for a Klingon warrior. Personally, I think it just doesn't fit their particular martial ethos. The bat'leth suits the Klingon ideal of honor and discipline. Winning with the bat'leth requires you to have absolute control of yourself. The mek'leth suits the Klingon's lionization of bloodthirst. It's an up-close personal weapon designed to slash, chop and slaughter. The kur'leth is a weapon designed to kill practically, simply, and without much fanfare. The only Klingon I ever knew that favored this weapon was an extremely heterodox one with a long career in Starfleet and a complicated relationship with his own people.
Also that Klingon I mentioned just now concealed a fucking phaser in the handle of his kur'leth so beware that if you look too capable then whoever's wielding the kur'leth might just pop a phaser out of it and do what the humans call "Pulling an Indiana Jones" on you, which is really, really embarrassing. No, I did not personally get got this way, stop asking.
Ultimately, though, the final takeaway is less about specific weapons, and more about dealing with Klingons. You might have noticed a bit of a theme here: Klingons take combat very seriously, and while it's messy and bloody, it's also very ritualized for them, and there are certain "proper" and "improper" ways to dispose of an enemy. Use that against them. The Federation maintains a position of defensive readiness, making itself not too soft a target, but also not rattling its sabers or picking fights, and you should apply that to your own behavior. Don't let Klingons think you're an easy target, or they'll come for you with a mek'leth in hand and a smile on their face; Don't write checks your mouth can't cash unless you want to learn how it feels to get bat'leth wounds stitched up (spoiler: it hurts like a bitch); and for the love of god, do not go around trying to make yourself look unassailable, because worse comes to worse, your enemy might know when to pull out a kur'leth and end you without honor or joy. Or they might pull a phaser on you while you're trying to show off your sick sword moves.
Look I understand he's maybe not as interesting as the rest of the Voyager crew but I am baffled and perplexed at how Tom Paris and Harry Kim's best friend Lt. Jr. Grade Richard Thomas Johnson gets erased from the history. They were like the Three Musketeers of Voyager, but because Dick Thomas Johnson was kind of annoying they just dropped him out of history entirely. Disgraceful.
logging on and churning out posts to keep the dashboard alive #allinadayswork

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Can you edit Kirk and Spock with a giant rat? That would be really cool.
could never have expected this from user ratsinspaces
Noted poet and Starfleet officer Zaxar the Giant Rat Man on the bridge of the USS Enterprise, Stardate 1521.5
NEED👏THAT👏MAN👏PREGNANT ROUND 6 POLL 6
TUMBLR! Who's getting pregnant?
Dr. Delbert Doppler (Treasure Planet)
Elim Garak (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
PROPAGANDA:
[Dr. Doppler]
"Deleted dialogue says he gave birth to his and Amelia's children. If Disney weren't cowards, they'd have kept the mpreg dogman."
Important Note: @megers67 has come forward to say that the 'Mpreg Doppler' thing is actually an unverified claim that they have accidentally perpetuated in the past, but they still put their support behind his candidacy in this competition. And yeah, if Disney didn't consider mpregging the dogman after all, we can still fix this by gettin' him pregnant now!
[Garak]
"Because he would be soooo annoying about it and it would be funny."
The opposition don’t understand that Cardassians aren’t purely reptiles. They are some sinful mix of mammal and reptile. The females have breasts, all of them have hair!!! Mr. Garak’s distinguished anatomical makeup most assuredly could carry a child. Don’t fall for the anti-Garak propaganda!
also his boyfriend is a genius doctor with basically unlimited future technology. if garak can't get pregnant naturally Julian can find a way no matter what. do not falter now my cardassian warriors
Federation doctors can perform full-scale gender confirmation procedures including hormone replacement and reconstructive surgery multiple times back and forth on the same patient in a single day with minimal side effects and that is a thing that has happened on a Starfleet base, not a hypothetical.
And the procedures were done on the same station that Garak lived on by that same Dr. Bashir.
We can get that tailor pregnant. We have the technology.