aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

“kill them with kindness” WRONG. GET RECLAIMED BY THE EARTH🌱🌺🌷🌹🌲☘️🍃🌼🌳🌱🍀🌿🌷🌹🌳🌲🌿🍀🌿🌲🌿☘️🌱🌸🌼🌲☘️🌻🍄🌿🌳🍀🍀🌱🌺🌷🌹🍄🌲☘️🍃🌼🌳🌱🍀🌿🌷🌹🌳🌲🌿🍀🌿🪻🌲🌿☘️🌱🌸🌼🌲☘️🌻🌿🌳🍀🌱🌺🌷🌹🌲☘️🍃🌼🌳🌱🍀🌿🌷🌹🌳🌲🌿🍀🎍🌿🌲🌿☘️🌱🌸🍀🪻🌾🌿🌸🌼🌲☘️🌻🌿🌳🍀🍄🌱🌺🌷🌹🌲☘️🍃🌼🌳🌱🍀🌿🌷🌹🌳🌲🌿🍀🌿🌲🌿☘️🌱🌸🌼🌲☘️🌻🌿🌳🍀🪻🍀🌱🌺🌷🌹🌲☘️🍃🌼🌳🌱🍀🌿🌷🌹🌳🌲🌿🍀🌿🌲🌿☘️🌱🌸🪻🌼🌲☘️🌻🌿🌳🍀🌱🌺🌿🍀🍄🍀🍂🍃🌷🌹🌲☘️🍃🌼🍄🌳🌱🍀🌿🌷🌹🌳🌲🌿🍀🍃🌿🌲🌿☘️🌱🌸🪻🌼🌲☘️🌻🌿🌳🍀🌱🍄🌺🌷🌹🌲☘️🍄🍃🌼🌳🌱🍀🌿🌷🌹🌳🌲🌿🍀🌲🌿🌲🌿☘️🌱🌸🌼🌲☘️🌻🌿🌳🍀🍀🌱🌺🌷🌹🌲☘️🍃🌼🌳🌱🍀🌿🌷🌹🌳🌲🌿🍀🎍🌿🌲🌿☘️🌱🌸🪻🌼🌲☘️🌻🌿🍄🌳🍀🌱🌺🌷🌹🌲☘️🍃🌼🌳🌱🍀🌿🌷🌹🌳🌲🌿🍀🌺🌿🌲🌿☘️🌱🌸🌼🌲☘️🌻🌿🌳🍀🌱🌻🌳🍄🌳🌿🌱🍄🌺🌸🌹🌳🌻🌲🌿🪻

the thing about job searching is i see all these job postings and im like i dont wanna do any of this for any of you

At the sex shop asking if I can buy a regular sized dildo I can put in my unremarkable asshole but they recognize me as the hero of legend regardless

they just added sparkledogs to the kennel club registry

This show is an accurate portrayal of how artists are hopeless dumbasses and we need a producer type to bring us back to earth to get anything meaningful done and I’m here for it

letting family members sit in for dead senators is just monarchy logic im appalled that this has even happened before

An unelected individual getting grandfathered into a real political position due to their blood or legal relationship with a deceased elected official is not pretty good actually

I have a bisexual guppy and its funny as hell to watch because it seems like he’s only bi out of desperation. Like all of the female guppies are unimpressed by him, and dont accept his mating displays, and every time he fails, he goes over to a SPECIFIC male guppy (the prettiest male guppy in the tank) like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE and that male guppy always lets him????

i would read that fanfic ngl

About my fish??

FUJOSHI FISH????

sometimes you see Takes™ that make you go "mmmhmmm okay yeah i see we both interpreted that differently based on what the show gave us, but i see how you arrived at your ideas even if they're different from mine," and then sometimes you see Takes™ that make you go "brother what show did you even fucking watch"

Does anyone know what to do about the temperature and also the prices