Unrequited
(Hanahaki-Byou fic)
@musiclover2732 you’re in luck cuz I’ve had this in my drafts >D<
this is not at all done—
putting it under a cut cuz it’s long
please note that Reiji is terribly ooc—
Shun woke up with a tightness in his chest. Knowing what it was he rushed to the bathroom and kneeled over the toilet before vomiting clumps of flowers and petals covered in blood and saliva.
A hand went to his stomach softly coaxing him to get rid of all the flora. Another went to Shun’s side, supporting his body.
When Shun finally stopped throwing up, the person crouched beside him, letting Shun fall into his chest.
“It’s been aggravated." The low voice commented, continuing to stroke Shun’s side. “You’ve started puking fully bloomed flowers in addition to some buds. There’s gardenia, yellow tulips and fritillania in addition to the bluebells, pansies and erica.”
“Thanks for the reminder. It’s not like I just spent 2 minutes puking my guts.” Shun couldn’t make his voice sound harsh, it was already raspy from his vomit session.
The other person grabbed some tissue and began wiping away the blood on his companion’s face.
Shun turned to look at him, why couldn’t he have fallen in love with him instead? He was a beautiful man, silvery hair like a grey hawk’s feathers and sharp violet eyes with expert precision.
Reiji chuckled softly, “Careful now, Shun. You might start giving me Hanakahi-Byou.” At the confusion on the other man’s face, he elaborated, “You were talking aloud. I’m very flattered.”
Shun blushed and looked away, "Sorry about that. But honestly, it would be much easier if I just got with you instead.” He scoffed, biting his lip to keep from crying.
Reiji went silent, “I’m sorry Shun. You know Ruri would rather you stay alive than date Yuto.”
Shun didn’t answer him because he knew if he did, his voice would tremble and shake, just as his body was currently.
“And… if you were to fall in love with me. Your love would still be unrequited, you’ve known that I don’t feel romantically or sexually for people.”
He hated Reiji’s dismissal, “But you still care. You let me come over whenever, never asking why or getting annoyed at me. You hold me. You-you comfort me when I’m selfish and on the verge of death. You–” He stopped himself abruptly as tears were let loose.
“I make you feel seen, cared for.” He completed Shun’s thought. He discarded the bloody tissue and grabbed another, patting away the tears.
“Even unrequited, I could die happy.”
“I understand.” Reiji handed him a tissue to blow his nose, Shun accepted.
Another moment of silence went by as Reiji threw the tissues away and flushing away the flowers. Shun spoke up, “It wouldn’t work.”
Reiji raised a brow, “What won’t?”
“Telling Ruri. Yuto doesn’t like men, he’s said so himself.”
“Ah yes, this is such a wonderful world where no one could ever do something as heinous as tell a little white lie to seem normal.”
Shun looked back up at Reiji whose face was dead serious. “Even if he did love me back, I risk Ruri getting hanahaki.”
“Ever heard of polyamory?”
Shun rolled his eyes, “We already talked about that, if I don’t feel the love is truly requited, the Hanahaki-Byou won’t go away. In the worst case, it’d make my symptoms worse.”
Reiji sighed, “Well, since you’re starting to mope, how about we get some food?”
“Yeah, that’d be good.” Shun lifted himself off the floor with Reiji’s help. He stood for a moment.
“Are y–” He was abruptly cut off by Shun pressing their lips together, putting his hands on Reiji’s face as they kissed. Shun had bouts of this occasionally, nothing really surprised Reiji. Shun pulled away. “Did you feel anything this time?”
Shun shook his head, “No. But of course, you expected that, didn’t you?”
“Unfortunately. Where would you like to eat?”
His remark caught Shun off guard, “We’re eating out?”
“Why not, maybe it’ll help stir some romanticism.”
“...Was that a joke?”
“Yes. However, I think it will be good for you. Besides, it’s almost dinner time.”
Shun nodded, “I don’t have a preference. You can choose.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ END CHAPTER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Ice cream?” Shun questioned.
“Yeah, did you have another place in mind?” Reiji pulled in a parking space in front of the establishment?
“No, I’ve been here before with Ruri.” And Yuto. Shun shrugged, ignoring the cramping in his diaphragm.
“With all honesty, I searched for places to eat while you were getting ready.”
Shun snorted, “Of course you did. Your diet is primarily instant ramen and take out.”
Reiji rolled his eyes, “Stop with the slander, Shun, you know you aren’t any better.” He smirked, turning off the engine and unstrapping.
They walked in, it was bright, white and baby blue seemed to be the color palette. It hadn’t changed much, if at all, from when he last came here.
(I skipped a ton of crap here, it’ll be fixed in the actual fic)
“You know, I meant it when I said you’re beautiful.”
Reiji poked fun at Shun, “So are you falling for me? I didn’t know I was that captivating.”
Shun scoffed, taking a bite of his ice cream, “Shut up, I’m just trying to be nice.”
“Mmh, you’re very handsome as well. If I were a “normal person” I would definitely be attracted to you.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask about that. Is there any reason in particular why you’re aroace? Did something happen or did you just know that you didn’t like people?”
“No reason. People are definitely interesting but I'd rather study them from afar than be part of a social experiment.”
“Relationships aren’t social experiments.”
“They practically are. Are we seriously going to argue about this?” Reiji prompted, taking a sip of his drink.
Shun scowled, “It’s pointless to argue with you.” He leaned back and closed his eyes.
“Mmh, ‘course it is. If I may, why are you so invested in Yuto? I get that he’s one heck of a guy; no record, not much conflict, volunteers regularly, I can’t even find— as you’d colloquially say— dirt on him.”
Shun chuckled, “Yeah, his idea of a ‘deep dark secret’ would be that he stepped on a ladybug.”
Reiji nodded, “I don’t believe you’re wrong. However, is that truly his deep dark secret? I’d expect you to know at least something because you’ve been his best friend when both of you were younger.”
Shun opened his eyes, “No, Yuto does have secrets, things he’s confided in me. He does have a darker side. I just…” he froze, remembering what he would consider Yuto’s biggest secret.
“Yuto!” Shun yelled, running towards his friend who stood in front of another boy of his age.
“Shun! I-I don’t know what happened, something just came over me and–” Yuto panted, tears welling in his eyes as he covered his mouth with his hands. “They’re going to expel me…”
Shun looked at the kid passed out on the ground, he turned back to his friend, “Did you knock him out?”
Yuto nodded, sobbing.
The taller man made a split second decision and kneeled by the kid, smearing the blood from the kid's nose on his knuckles.
“Shun what are y–”
“You can’t afford to get in trouble, I can. I’m not letting them send you back to the orphanage.” He pulled the kid up by his collar and whispered, “You will go along with what I say. If you tell anyone about this, I’ll make sure I’m the one who beats you up next time.”
The kid whined quietly. As Shun dropped the kid on the ground, a hall monitor came around the corner.
“What is going on here?!” She demanded.
Shun stood up and looked at her defiantly, “He was bad mouthing my friend here. I taught him not to. Besides, he tried hitting me first.”
“Shun.”
“Shun.”
“Hey!”
He snapped out of his trance, aware of Reiji who was standing beside his chair, leaning on the table. “I thought you died.”
“Joke?”
“Yeah. Seriously though, what were you thinking?”
“I’ll… tell you when we go back to your place.”
“Oh? Already making plans with me?”
His face twitched. Frowning, he snarked, "Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re genuinely kidding or not. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re in love with me.”
“Scowl any more and you’ll get frown lines, that’s not very pleasing to the ladies,” Reiji pouted, batting his eyes.
Shun grinned while chuckling, “God, you’re such a dick. Besides, I’m gay.” He stared Reiji straight in his eyes, “You get off on this, don’t you?”
Reiji sat back down, legs crossed, “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying our little outing.”
“Are all aroace people like this?”
“Hmh. You’ve made a fatal error: assuming I interact with anyone else.”
“How depressing. Are you going to give me your tragic backstory?”
“You already know how it goes. After all, it’s practically the same as yours.”
Shun tensed.
“Young kid, rich parents, rocky marriage, parents drowning themselves in work. Would you like me to skip to the part where they all die and we’re left as orphans and inherit the family fortune because we’re adults?”
“No. I’d rather you didn’t.”
Reiji studied Shun’s face. The other man’s lips were pursed, he’d struck a nerve. “Sorry.”
Shun shook his head, “Don’t be. I don’t want you to pity me either. I have enough pity to last three lifetimes.”
“Do you believe in reincarnation?”
“How did we get to religion?”
“Well you–”
“Joke. It was a joke, Reiji.”
“Right.” Reiji crossed his arms on the table and placed his head on them. “Do you believe in it?”
“I couldn’t care less for religion. Besides, if there's a hell, I’m going there.”
“You’re not a bad man, Shun.” Reiji blinked slowly, “What makes you so sure?”
“Okay, I didn’t know this was a therapy session.” Shun snapped defensively, crossing his arms, “I’m not baring my soul in a friggin ice cream parlor.”
“Then how about we go home?”
Shun twitched, the softness in Reiji’s voice surprised him. Especially with how he referred to it as home. “Sure, why not.”
(they pay and leave, also skipped lmao.)
Reiji drove on the way back as well. Shun turned on the radio, scrolling through the pre-made playlists. “What are all of these for?”
“Music, or do you not know what a radio is?”
“Why are you being such an asshole today? What did I do to piss His Majesty off?”
“Nothing, but it's working, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Apart from talking about Yuto’s secret, you haven’t thought about him at all, have you?”
“I–” Reiji wasn’t wrong, he’d been more focused on all of Reiji’s sarcasm and comments.
“I believe this is an appropriate time to say “told you so.””
Shun rolled his eyes and clicked a random playlist. He wasn’t in the mood for debate. Besides, now that he’d mentioned it, Shun’s chest was hurting again.
A calming song came on, the title reading “rises the moon”.
(author’s note here: this is probably going to be cut from the actual fic, I am cringing lol—)
Days seem sometimes as if they’ll never end
Sun digs its heels to taunt you
But after sunlit days,
One thing stays the same
Rises the moon
(moon)
“What’s this playlist for?”
“When… I’m not feeling well.” Reiji gave only a clipped answer in response.
Memories swim, and haunt you
But look into the lake
Shimmering like smoke
Rises the moon
Reiji started to sing quietly with the lyrics.
Oh, oh
Close your weary eyes
I promise you
That soon the autumn comes to darken fading summer skies
Breathe,
Breathe,
Breathe
Shun didn’t pry any farther. He was slightly mesmerized by Reiji’s singing. He assumed the other man didn’t have any vocal lessons, he didn’t seem the type to take them, but he knew the lyrics by heart. Shun had noticed a similar thing in Ruri, she would probably like this song.
Days pull you down just like a sinking ship
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Floating is getting harder
Reiji’s voice was deep, as it had always been. He seemed… sad when singing it. As he’d seen with his sister, there was a look in his eyes that told Shun that there must’ve been a deeper meaning to why he liked the song.
But tread the water, child
And know that meanwhile,
Rises the moon…
Days pull you up just like a daffodil
Uprooted from its garden
They’ll tell you what you owe,
But even so,
Rises the moon
You’ll be, visited by sleep
I promise that soon the autumn comes to steal each dream you keep
Breathe,
Breathe,
Breathe
The song ended as gently as it had started.
Reiji switched off the radio, his finger tapping the steering wheel, “You never answered my question.”
He had done it so abruptly, Shun had to take a moment to process what he had said. “Which question?”
“Are you religious?”
“Why are you bringing that up now?”
“I’m curious. You seem to be the type that doesn’t believe in anything but themself.
“Well you’re right about that. Faith is comforting. Ruri has still kept our parents faith but I never really believed. I feel it’s fair for me to ask a question about you.”
“Sure, an eye for an eye.”
Shun scoffed at the idiom, “My question isn’t even that bad. (Author’s note: have a few questions I wanna put here)
Sometime later:
“There’s also another question of mine you haven’t answered, why do you love Yuto?”
~at home~ (AGAIN, STUFF WAS SKIPPED)
“It’s still pretty early. I’m gonna get some work done, you can go to sleep.” (Reiji).
“No you aren’t.”
Reiji blinked in confusion, “I will get work done? I don’t tend to procrastinate.”
“What I mean is that you aren’t going to work.”
“Well what am I supposed to do then? I do have a company to run.”
“You need to take a break. I swear, everytime I see you, you’re on your damn computer or trying to help me. Just take a break and do something for yourself.”
Reiji held Shun’s gaze, thinking over what he had said. “Then what do you suggest we do?”
“I dunno, watch a movie, play a game, something fun, y’know?”
Reiji tapped his foot, “There is this movie I’ve been meaning to watch.”
Shun smiled, “There you go, see, I knew you could be normal!” He joked.
“You’re… smiling?” Reiji’s face scrunched.
“Is there something wrong with that?”
“You haven’t smiled much. The last time you did was when you called me a dick.”
“I didn't mean it, I hope you didn’t take it the wrong way.”
“No, your jokes are typically easy to understand.” He shrugged, “Let’s go.”
~~~~~~~~~~
“The Imitation Game?” Shun read the title of the movie Reiji had chosen.
“It’s an older movie but the synopsis is a group trying to solve the Engima Code. It takes place during a war, thought that might interest you as well.”
Shun nodded, “Sounds cool. Want anything before we start?” Shun got comfortable, leaning back with his legs spread, an arm draped over the back of the couch and the other on the armrest.
Reiji shook his head and laid on his side, leaning slightly on Shun.
Reiji seemed quite calm and focused on the movie. He’d been quiet for the most part except some back and forth about certain aspects. Shun got an unnamable urge to touch Reiji’s hair. It always looked so soft, and he’d felt it once before. He doubted Reiji would mind. At most, he’d make an off-handed comment. Or ignore it completely.
Shun placed his hand on Reiji’s head, feeling his hair. It was extremely soft.
Reiji flinched, pushing Shun’s hand off and sitting straight. He moved away from Shun slightly, one of his hands opening and closing while the other was trying to get it to stop.
Shun realized he might’ve crossed a boundary, “S-sorry, are you alright?”
Reiji nodded a bit quick, “Just… don’t do that.” He didn’t sound angry at all. More anxious and shakey, disembodied, in a way.
Author’s note: the imitation game is actually a really good movie. It’s been awhile since I watched it tho lol. It’s during World War II, the Enigma being a cipher device to encode messages.
I am gonna rewrite so much of this lmao. Shun also needs to throw up more (this is non-negotiable)
#WHEN I CATCH YOU#WHEN I CATCH YOU KOORI
@starblazerrules
W-what did I do 😰
THE ANGSTTTT
