Starbeanz

the random Russian nouns as pet names, obviously

turning to Anya to arbitrate who won the race/loads the dishwasher correctly/scored a sexier goal etc

Ilya. Ilyusha. Ilyushenka. Ilyushenkechka.

and who won Rookie of the Year????

"I have never said this in my life"

threatening to tell Yuna

"pass me the remote?" — "come and get it" — [wrestling]

butt slapping. at every opportunity.

"we will have to shoot you like lame horse" when one of them gets so much as a papercut

idioms translated literally into the wrong language

"this is not hall of fame behaviour"

"SWEET CAROLINE. BUM BUM BUM." - Eleven highly inebriated hockey players and David Hollander, who's having great memories of his own wedding where they played the same song.

"Good times never seemed so good..." - Ilya Rozanov, whisper-singing to himself and completely unaware of it as he rails his husband into next Tuesday.

ilya: reaching a hand out to help

He wines and Ilya smirks and slides his hand down Shane’s spine, from his lower back to his shoulder blades and Shane whimpers and then the phone rings a third time and Ilya growls a little and Shane turns his head and says “Ilya really it could be urgent” and his cheeks are all red and his voice is all stuttery because Ilya is still fucking into him deep and hard.

“Urgent they will call a fourth time” Ilya reasons and Shane huffs and says “just a sec” and starts crawling away from Ilya and it’s fucking hot, the shape of Shane on his knees crawling and Ilya watched his cock pull out of Shane and that’s hot too but then he pouts hard and Shane is starting to reach for the phone when Ilya’s hands are finding Shane’s waist and pulling him back hard. Shane lets out a squeak and Ilya plays himself overtop of Shane to pin him to the bed and pushing himself back into the heat of Shane, wet and slick.

Ilya uses his long arm and their movement up the bed and way he’s laid over Shane to reach for the phone on the beside table he flips it over and of course, it’s Hayden. Ilya mutes the phone and tosses it to the floor and Shane is all “Ilya don-“ but then he’s cut off with a moan as Ilya shifts his hips to find that spot inside him that makes him go lax and hot and and all lovely and soft.

“shane hollander? sorry, i don’t know the names of all assistant coaches.”

“shane hollander? the zamboni driver for montreal? does good job, sure, but i have seen smoother ice.”

“shane hollander? who is that? does he sell popcorn during the games so that he can at least watch from afar?”

“shane hollander? you mean the guy who has coffee cart outside the arena because selling iced drinks is the closest he will get to hockey?”

“shane hollander? of course i remember him. he is park guide now, did you know? yes that is the closest he will get to sticks.”

(to the journalist) “shane hollander? is that the name of your son? does he want my autograph?”

And Ilya responds with a shrug and, "Maybe. Maybe I don't like to be alone with the knives too much."

And Ilya means it as a joke, Shane knows he does, but there's something hollow and scraped raw in Ilya's usual shit-eating grin that makes Shane's blood run cold. He immediately strides across the kitchen to pull Ilya into his arms. And Ilya tries to scoff at first, says that Shane's being so over-dramatic about a joke, but Shane just holds tighter, until Ilya's breathing goes funny against his chest in that way that tells him he's trying not to cry.

Shane doesn't trust himself to speak right now. The weight of what it would mean to lose this man is too much for him to talk about again, so instead he just holds him and hopes that this is enough to tell Ilya what he means. And when he eventually feels Ilya let go and sob against him, Shane guides both of them to the floor, pulls him into his arms, buries a hand in the back of his curls and just lets him cry until he's had enough.

When Ilya's tears finally stop, Shane presses a kiss to his forehead, trying to soothe down the crease that's etched between his eyebrows. As much as Ilya needed that release, Shane can see by the panic and embarrassment on his face that he needs a way back out of it now.

Shane rolls his eyes dramatically. "Fine, jesus, we'll get takeout then."

Give me Shane "hates clubbing and bars" Hollander not minding Kingfisher in the afternoon but refusing to go at night. Give me Shane never understanding the slang (he's never online) and being overstimulated by drag brunch (it's so LOUD and nothing fits his diet even once he loosens it a little and brunch as a concept throws off his entire routine) and utterly bored by any TV show that isn't the latest game replay (is this reality TV? Is it a drama? He can't remember and he can't tell the difference but honestly he'd rather be watching hockey) and unable to remember the difference between Lady Gaga and Cher (he never listens to music anyway) and completely disinterested in changing his wardrobe (for fancy events he wears whatever his stylist tells him to but not anything adventurous, because he just wants to look acceptable not make a statement).

Give me Shane feeling alienated from gay culture the way he sometimes feels alienated from Japanese culture and being so frustrated that being himself, exactly as he is, still isn't good enough for anyone.

Give me a Shane Hollander who doesn't want to be "the gay hockey player" the same way he doesn't want to be "the Asian hockey player" but he'll suck it up because he's such an inspiration, don't you know how many kids look up to you? Don't you know how much it matters to them to see you out there loud and proud?

Give me Shane finally snapping at Ilya that clearly he's not "super gay" if he's so bad at it, because he's sick and tired of everyone being disappointed that he's not up on whatever the latest queer culture trend is and he does not want to be a "gay icon," he just wants to play hockey and love his husband, and he's not magically a different person now that everyone knows he's gay.

Give me Ilya reckoning with how coming out has only put more expectations on Shane's shoulders and noticing the roles Shane is always forced into - the Asian player, the gay player - and understanding a bit more why privacy seemed like a better guarantee of freedom to Shane than openness.