Noah Kahan
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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@stainlesssteellocust

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This show is for outcastsβ¦ and by outcasts heh, well letβs justr sayβ¦ straight white men who like DND π
all of dropout
I lost followers on Bluesky when I crossposted my sokoban fuck riddle proposal, which tells you basically everything you need to know about the difference in culture between the two sites.
Imagine writing porn about something bizarre and horrible happening to your favourite character in full confidence that it's a crack scenario that would never happen in the source material, and then it happens exactly like that and you just have to live with the knowledge that your boner is better at media analysis than you are.

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Getting the player characters in my Dungeons & Dragons campaign entangled in an extraplanar racing circuit with events sponsored by various cities throughout the Lower Planes and seeing how long I can keep it going before they realise the entire exercise was an excuse to have a major campaign event called "the Dis course".
I want a video game with realistic dick and balls physics not for any prurient reason, but... okay, so you know how in some games with boob physics, there's a palpable delay after a character model is instantiated before physics start to apply to the boobs, so it's like *pop* ... *FWOMP*? I want to see the cock version of that. Penis-having character spawns in, there's a beat, then the physics engine tries to play catch-up and applies a full second of gravitational acceleration to their junk all at once and they just randomly start helicoptering.
#wasnt that conan game basically this #idk i never played it (via @piedbirb)
Nah, Conan: Exiles saves on development costs there by applying the same physics simulation it uses for clothing to penises. It's basically treating the cock and balls as a bit of cloth hanging off your character's groin, which produces a totally different (albeit no less entertaining) set of failure modes.
(For those saying this is making them picture a character's penis flapping in the breeze like a flag on a pole or laundry on a line, that was actually, literally happening at launch. I'm not sure if they ever fixed it.)
Once, playing Conan Exiles with friends, we watched in wonder and horror as one guy's dong went zooming across the map. While still attached. The rest of the model remained in place at spawn while his camera followed the tip of an impossibly long weiner, racing across the desert.
As I understand it, there was a specific recurring bug where the tip of a character's penis (and only the tip) could become locked to world origin (i.e, coordinates 0,0,0) without affecting the rest of the model, and it took them a surprisingly long time to figure out why that was happening.
Elite mecha pilot from a gritty, fucked up Real Robot milieu goes up against nth-dimensional alien invaders and promptly gets their ass kicked until discovering quite by chance that shouting the names of your attacks actually makes them more effective against these things.
Deltarune fanfic is in the odd position where the source material has basically exactly the same sense of humour as mainstream fanfic culture, but does it better. You'll read a fic where the author is clearly doing their best to have a particular character come off as a wacky caricature, and meanwhile in the actual source material there's some random optional interaction where they say or do something ten times as unhinged as anything in the fic and it just never gets brought up again.
this is why hellsing abridged doesnβt hit as well as dbz abridged because there was frankly nothing Team Four Star could do that was as crazy as the original work
like oh you reimagined rip as a classic tumblrina? You made a Texas joke? Hirano was off having his guys have opinions on the Troubles, shrieking the Konami Code at people, random sexualised blood-drinking yuri scenes, a nazi cat boy in bootyshorts is there. So was Bruce Willis for some reason. Every actor was off chewing the scenery like meatloaf in one of those Jim steimman monologue songs tfs made a decent go of things but there was just no way to top that
Upon reflection, I think the unifying factor in my taste in erotica is premises that can reasonably be characterised as "overengineered". Forty thousand words of geopolitcal worldbuilding to contextualise one sex scene? Check. Nuanced exploration of what a magic system revolving around the author's odd fetish implies for civil engineering best practices? Yes, please. Deep dive into what evolutionary pressures could conceivably produce a cock that does that? Don't mind if I do.
(In some cases it can even elevate kinks that are kind of nothing for me otherwise. Like, I'm not super into hyper cum, but when I can tell from how it's written that the author has actually done the math on their OC's fluid output? That's hot.)
I'm not going to Google it because I don't want to see the results, but is that in fact the community's consensus term for it? Were "ultra" and "mega" in the running in the Usenet days, or did everyone land on hyper early on? Is there a het/queer split on name? What's the threshold for being "hyper?"
"Hyper" is pretty settled nomenclature, at least in English-speaking fandom spaces, and has been since at least the early 2000s, but in my experience there's no consensus whatsoever on what the threshold is. With respect to ejaculation, for example, some folks will call pretty much anything in excess of realistically plausible output "hyper cum" (so, e.g., a character producing enough to fill a coffee cup would qualify), while others will be very insistent that it's not proper hyper cum unless there's mass property damage involved.

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The real problem with D&D's contemporary culture of play is that it's basically a worse version of what Paranoia was doing forty years ago. It's a faux pas for players to display knowledge of the mechanics and the GM is expected to maintain an elaborate kayfabe where they merely pretend to be moderating a game with rules while actually doing something completely different, and they're not even allowed to kill players with orbital laser strikes for talking back.
Like, I'm not keen on any framing of play where the GM is expected to do literally 100% of the work of making the game happen, but it seems to me that if you're going to do that anyway, the GM being both allowed and encouraged to kill you with lasers whenever they want is only fair compensation.
@danwhat replied:
The number of people willing to accept players who won't read the rules even though they come back week after week is bizarre - you wouldn't accept it for any other game, and RPGs are just a kind of game! If the rules of one game are 'too complex' just switch to a different game! If they claim they 'don't have time' - cancel one session. That 3 hour block is now dedicated game-learning time, and 3 hours is plenty. Easy.
See, "RPGs are [...] a kind of game" is where the disconnect lies. There's a large chunk of the present D&D fandom who don't think of tabletop RPGs as games; they think of them as performances being put on by the GM for the audience of the players, who β like any audience β are obliged only to be physically present. In this understanding, the "game-ness" of the activity is part of the performance β i.e., the GM is merely pretending to moderate a game with rules as an act of kayfabe; there's no point learning the rules because there aren't "really" rules to learn.
(Partly this is a product of folks coming to the hobby whose sole prior experience is with high-production-value podcasts, where the GM actually is an entertainer putting on a show for an audience, and often a professional actor to boot; partly it's a product of Hasbro attempting to market D&D as a zero-entry-barrier hobby by framing the GM not as a fellow player with special responsibilities, but as a volunteer service provider whose job is to facilitate other people playing D&D.)
The observation I'm gesturing toward here is that Paranoia is a game that actually, textually works this way β i.e., the GM is a performer putting on a show for the players, and the rules are fake and don't matter β but it does so within a narrative frame where the GM is both allowed and encouraged to demand that the players dance for their amusement, so at least the fuckery flows both ways. Contemporary D&D's culture of play doesn't even offer that (indeed, in many circles a GM who expresses any preferences at all regarding what kind of game they want to run would be regarded as an odious gatekeeper!), then has nerve to wonder why rapid GM burnout is such a massive problem.
There's a very funny thing that happens in transhuman science fiction where sometimes an author will turn out to be a reactionary conservative who thought he was writing dystopian fiction and intended all the sickass radical body modification stuff to be scary, but he assumed that was obvious and forgot to put it in the actual text.
It's like the literary version of those breathless propaganda thinkpieces where they accidentally make their political opponents sound cool as hell because they have no idea how it reads to anyone whose brain hasn't spent the last thirty years being pickled in fear juice.
There's probably fruitful analysis to be done drawing a line between porn RPGs where you have to play badly on purpose to unlock the sex scenes and those shitty FMV games from the 1990s where the game is kind of nothing if you do everything right, but every single thing you can do wrong has its own unique death animation.
Like, I'm not suggesting that Brain Dead 13's target audience is actually people who are into instant-loss snuff porn, but it wouldn't take much to put it over that line, is what I mean to say.
Both "het is only cool if the guy's getting pegged" and "het is only cool if the guy's dick is like three feet long" are kind of nothing stances by themselves, but holding both of those positions at the same time? Honestly, that's almost respectable.
[Image ID: screenshot of two tags, #like go on girl, #make that thing bounce like a drinky bird. end ID]
I love in science fiction when somethingβs an array. The sensor array. The navigational array. Weapons array. Goddamn, yes. Get that shit in an array.

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Realistically I know the reason conservative politics is dominated by people who are so old they're making campaign speeches while actively dying is because they don't value or believe in anything other than personal power and thus won't cede even a millimetre of influence as long as they're alive to wield it, but sometimes I like to imagine that part of it is that they're legitimately running out of people who are big enough assholes to replace them.
The thing about the Culture is that the Minds will act like they're so far beyond using humans as living weapons that the very idea is laughable and snidely mock your angst for feeling like one, and then there's a little epilogue where it's revealed that they totally cultivated that guy as a living weapon.
All "well, we didn't grow them in a tube or anything, we merely identified one of our quadrillions of citizens whose circumstances just randomly happened to be conducive to weaponisation and subtly manipulated every aspect of their life to bring that potential to fruition, so technically it doesn't count".
The Chairmaker is one of the wildest rides in a series full of depravity. He fucked me up good with that one