Squee went the Fangirl

Medium post:

Eddie: “Yes Venom, Hannibal Lecter is a hu-”

Venom: “No, that is a human, ON YOUR PLATE.”

Eddie:

Venom:

Eddie: “…nope. Nope. Nu-uh. V, eat him and I’ll buy you McDonald’s.”

Venom: *gets up and throws the whole table to tackle Lecter:

When Caleb was knocked out in an early episode and woke up screaming “Take them out!”

- just, a really wacky elf

- an elf & a hobbit had a baby

- an elf & a hobbit & a dwarf had a three-way baby somehow (explains beard)

- Gandalf in disguise (you ever see them in the same place at the same time? thought not.)

- hobbits got super stoned in the old forest and imagined the whole thing

- he’s actually gil galad somehow

- he’s actually Frodo’s dad somehow

- he’s actually Pippin somehow

Tom is Feanor being eternally punished for all his arrogance by putting him in a form that’s almost impossible to take seriously

Tom is a pony but Goldberry makes him a not-pony sometimes

Tom is the last of the entwives

Tom is Bilbo

Tom is every dwarf that died in The Hobbit all stuck in one form

Tom is a tree who Escaped

Tom is a dragon but squishier

Tom is the not-evil twin of the nightly noises

Tom is Farmer Maggot

Tom is Farmer Maggot’s carrots

Tom is the One Ring who decided he was sick of Sauron, the one Frodo takes to Mt. Doom is a fake, and Tom just kinda self destructs at the same moment Frodo drops the ring into the fire. This is solely just to mess with them because he thinks it’s funny.

Tom is John Mulaney who ended up in Middle Earth during the first age and went “this might as well happen”

Tom is that one hobbit who invented golf

Tom is Beorn

Tom is one of Beorn’s bees

Tom is a greek god who ended up in Middle Earth and Goldberry has him captive because she knows exactly what that means

Tom shares one brain cell with Goldberry and all those times Tom just is gone for a while it’s because he’s trying to convince Goldberry that it’s his turn for the brain cell

Tom is the result of a valar or maiar getting frisky with a mortal race

Tom was an attempt at making life by one of the Valar (like Aule and dwarves) and gets shoved in the forest when Eru checks on them like a kid at night hiding a their DS under the blankets and pretending to be asleep

Alternatively, Tom was immediately shoved in the forest because one of the Valar was like “WTF MAN PUT IT BACK”

Tom was Melkor’s first attempt at turning elves into orcs but instead of going all crazy and evil he just ended up like That.

Tom is Eru’s absentee father

Tom is Eru’s ex boyfriend

Tom is Aslan when he’s not in Narnia for years and years. Even Jesus Lion needs a vacation sometimes

Tom is actually Goldberry. Goldberry is actually Tom. Sometimes they’ll satirize or overemphasize certain parts of the personality they’re impersonating just to annoy the other.

Tom is the middleman for Gandalf’s fireworks

Tom IS Gandalf’s fireworks

Tom is a college student who is still giddy that their student debt doesn’t carry over to middle earth and possibly high

Tom is a different person every day. They just randomly vanish from their homes, appear as Tom in his house, mess around for a bit, and then appear back in their homes the next day. One time Melkor got picked and it was awkward trying to explain why the evil being trapped in chains forever and ever in the darkness suddenly was not there for about 24 hours.

Tom is Beren’s hand