None of us have the braincell

a baby at work the other day gave me the meanest look i've ever seen as it got lifted out of a cesarean. 1 second old and already hating. you can't teach that.

oh man. oh golly. oh lord oh geez oh man i sure fucked up my skyrim so badly

the most “cocomelon shit” i’ve ever experienced in my life was the time i was in calculus II and some girl in front of me was googling "assorted animals" and scrolling through pictures of clipart pigs and horses and shit on her laptop completely focused like it was her tax form

Remember when if you wanted to play Tetris you could just download an app called Tetris and the entire game was there and it didn't have any ads or login bonuses or in-app purchases to make the game easier, no logging in or making an account, it didn't want access to your contacts or to send you push notifications. It was just Tetris, the whole Tetris and nothing but the Tetris. That was a better time.

This poem is not a tweet to me

I see there's been misunderstanding.That's the lawyers assistant.The actual lawyer is the one being carried in the briefcase.

a common mistake your honor

i think trans milf is a contender for top gender. trans milfs i hope ur all having a good day being sexy and fun

only cowards won't reblog this, why are you resisting trans milfs??