Spooky Scrapbook

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I'm So Tired & Utterly Sick of This 💩

Am I not allowed to ever wake up in a good mood at this point? Because once again, the rare good vibes I woke up with this morning were instantly lit on FIRE 🔥 the moment I got out of bed 🫠...

I never stop pushing, I don't give up, I've always been the resilient one, no matter how hard life hit me, I always stood back up! Since 2023, life decided to throw me in a damn blender & hits the pulse button so frequently it has been feeling like I've been living in a FML TORNADO 🌪!

I've been fighting so hard, doing gig work online, working my ass off trying to fundraise for my medical debt & medical costs for my severe chronic illnesses, genetic mutations, rare liver disease that have disabled me. I had to leave my job back in September of 2025 because at that point, after 2 years of being so damn debilitated by my diseases & disabilities, fighting tooth & nail to keep my job, try to stabilize, yet continuing to physically & mentally push like that led to my health to decline at an accelerated speed. Left me with even more permanent damage to my body.

This current administration is making it impossible for people like me who are disabled, who are housebound to recieve any assistance! I never like to speak about being housebound because I have had people judge me, bully me & mock me for it. I have been completely housebound since September 2025. I am in dire need of further medical testing to figure out why my body spasms consistently all damn day, a convulsing I cannot control! But I do not currently have proper Healthcare. The state insurance I was provided is the bottom of the barrel, it has the most minimum coverage & I haven't been able to get them to pay for the majority of my medical care or medications every month.

I have been so stressed out! I feel like I'm losing my mind. My online community has been what's been keeping me going, giving me hope & allowing me to express myself. I have genuinely lost myself, since the rapid decline began in 2023 after I lost my Grandmother after caring for her on hospice with my Mom, returning to my old job that I despised as I got sicker & sicker. I completely lost myself.

Being housebound is extremely lonely, often boring, frequently depressing. Especially when your closest friends for many years don't stop by to visit, don't call or text. Per usual, as the sick disabled friend, I shouldn't be surprised by now, it's the same cycle over & over again... I have come to terms that it's simply human nature to associate one's self with the strong & not the weak. I noticed as I got sicker, the friends I had made that I was sure wouldn't be like the others that left me once I hit a decline, began to pull away, become distant & even at times became cold.

This morning I was finally waking up in a good mood, I sat up to cuddle with my dogs, say good morning & ate a cup of yogurt while my pug Nola kept trying to convince me to give her some. It was so cute, it put a smile on my face. I even woke up hungry & I haven't had an appetite in months! If I even have it in me to eat that day, I usually only eat once & don't even finish my food. I haven't felt hungry & I've been having a big problem with holding food down. But I ate, I woke up in a good mood & I was managing with the amount of pain I was in instead of it being the usual unbearable kind like it has been lately. I was feeling like today was going to be a damn good day.

Then, ten minutes later when letting my dogs outside, there was paperwork left on the ground on my front porch... I had been "served", I saynit in quotations because it was just left there... which I always thought was illegal, but I'm not a lawyer. I am being sued for $5,245.86 for one of my unpaid medical bills... They're now taking me to court, because I lost my job because I was too sick to work anymore, I was no longer making payments. I called & told them what happened, but apparently not good enough.

When i initially told them I was sick, I couldn't work anymore & I had lost my job because of it their response was "oh that's too bad, you're going to need to find someone else to pay for it then." Like what?! When I told then I didn't have anyone that could pay for it, they said I should start trying to find someone who could, otherwise they'd tack on interest & too many missed scheduled payments & they'd send it to the debt collectors.

I can't afford an attorney, I can't even afford to pay that medical debt right now. I don't have an income of my own at the moment, the US government wants to act like I don't exist, refusing to help me by providing me any kind of assistance & my poor father has been working his damn ass off! Just trying to care for my mother & I. My Mom's dementia is getting worse, we've all been leaning on each other, scrapping the bottom of the barrel just trying not to drown in this BS!

My head feels like it's going to combust... I'm so sick & tired, I am exhausted from keeping my mouth shut pretending like everything is AOK & I will be just fine... For once in my life, I would really appreciate not having to be the strong one, to be able to admit I hurt, to say out loud that im stressed & struggling, to admit I need help & not be judged or ghosted by the people that were supposedly my "friends & family". I'm breaking down, I just really needed to get this off of my chest. It builds up & my mind simply fades out.

I don't know what to do about this lawsuit, I don't know what to do to help my family, I dont even know what to do to help myself anymore. Im hoping for a miracle.

- Salem

My GoFundMe Link

Does anyone else feel like everything is collapsing? How is everyone else doing considering the current state of the world 🫠?

The world may be on fire 🔥, yet having access to reach the masses through social media, to build communities, establish connections, inspire creativity & support one another from anywhere on the globe 🌎 has been getting me through these brutal times.

As I battle debilitating chronic illnesses, genetic mutations & a rare liver disease, doing what I can for my own care & for my family, taking everything day by day as my stubborn butt keeps on fighting.

My gofundme link is in my bio & I will include it below as well. Even if you're not able to donate, reblogs help more than you know. Interacting on this post also helps me to continue to push this information out to help my family & I. All is so deeply appreciated 💜!