they should invent a secret second weekend so that you can see friends and do fun things while still having enough time to do errands and sleep in without dying of exhaustion all the time

you were born in 2006? what are you? a Honda Civic?

can i fucking help you?

I sure hope so, I need to get to 3rd and Broadway in fifteen minutes, step on it.

aww Sammy

hello Aesop; how's the underworld been?

Every day I wake up and Hades kicks me in the nuts.

the thing that really cheeses my cake about flies getting in my house is they clearly don't want to be there anyway. like at least the ants trying to steal cereal from my pantry had a goal and a plan. you are just here because you're too stupid to use a window twice