more people have been to russia than i have

there should be a term like passenger princess but for when you’ve summoned your significant other or friend or family member to sit with a glass of wine and keep you company while you cook

Hand job vs manual labor

All good My Little Pony names sound either like euphenisms for gay people or euphenisms for hard drugs. You could've had a pony with a handlebar moustache named Fruit Garland and his energetic wife Sparkle Snow and nobody would've even blinked. Due to the sparkle snow.

You have no idea how much this is making me laugh.

it’s so crazy how nixon had to resign after watergate and now every single month 1 million watergates happen and no one cares

The zipper merge requires a level of cooperation and goodwill that the citizens of this great country have never once displayed

I'm sorry but vaccines are so fucking cool. You're telling me that I just need to drop by my doctor, feel a pinprick, maaaybe feel a bit off for a day and then I have statistically significant, incredible chances of either completely avoiding getting a certain illness or at the very least have a pretty string guarantee my body will kick its ass swiftly??? Fucking magic potion.

Listening to Hotel California on the store radio and they muted the word "kill" when he says "but they just can't kill the beast" like what are we doing here has humanity not suffered enough

Update: they played it again and also muted "stab" from the line "they stab it with their steely knives". Insane.

They fuck it with their steely knives but they just can't fuck the beast