JBB: An Artblog!
One Nice Bug Per Day
Janaina Medeiros
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Discoholic 🪩
cherry valley forever
blake kathryn
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Misplaced Lens Cap
pixel skylines
dirt enthusiast
Not today Justin
Game of Thrones Daily
hello vonnie
d e v o n
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
styofa doing anything
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
seen from Italy
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seen from United States
seen from Ecuador
seen from Malaysia
seen from Russia
seen from Brazil
seen from Iraq
seen from Belgium
seen from United States
seen from Mexico
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seen from Tunisia
seen from United States
@spiralling-entr0pii
I wonder why we keep him around. Is his company that enjoyable to you all? It looks like he causes nothing but noise and problems. I don’t see his purpose. If he stays, someone should fix him or at least keep him from bothering me. His ignorance disgusts me.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
It’d be so tuff if someone read what I write on here as a monologue (since that’s the intended format) but honestly that’d be pretty cringe worthy. like I feel like I’m dropping BARS in the moment but after weeks (or god forbid months) I realize, “Damn. I’m corny as hell…” Also in retrospect using the least subtle language ever with literary devices I learned in middle school sprinkled on top is (surprise surprise) not…that crazy of a concept. I shouldn’t be too harsh tho, this is fun and harmless and exercising my ability to verbalize ^.^
When the Demo Stops Being a Demo
I build things for a living, so I treat every new platform as a teardown. What's the architecture, where are the seams, when does the mask slip. With SweetDream the teardown kept stalling because I couldn't find the seam. The chat stayed natural across long stretches, the personality I authored held firm, and the small details I'd added kept resurfacing on their own.
What got me reflective was the range of presence on offer. Text that actually remembers, voice messages with real texture, phone calls that sound human, and with certain characters, video calls and live cam sessions too. Each layer of an AI companion you can shape yourself, from face to fears to the way she laughs. And all of it stays private, which for me is non-negotiable.
Companies like candy.ai and ourdream.ai are doing interesting work, no question. Still, sweetdream.ai is the one where the demo quietly stopped being a demo. The best AI girlfriend tech, I'm convinced, is the kind you forget to evaluate because you're too busy being present for it.
Last night I had a dream I’ve been thinking about all day. It was the apocalypse—the kind where a majority of the population dies all of a sudden—so me, my friends, and the Jjk cast were camping out at my school’s campus. Everyone was dying left and right due to infighting or intruders, eventually leading to just me and Teenage Gojo. I don’t remember how it started, but Gojo and I were cuddling on the floor of the hallway. There were massive windows letting in the sunlight from the courtyard. He didn’t say anything at all, he just held me. It was so warm. He fiddled with my hair and I felt like weeping. Absolutely no one in the world could see except us. That moment was ours, no matter what. He didn’t need to say anything. I could just rest and not think about any obligation and be close to him without my heart tearing me apart.
That dream gives me some hope <3
Recently I've been feeling a lot, but I have no idea what I'm feeling. I'm usually rather good at recognizing my emotions, but I cannot for the life of my identify what I've been feeling. It's like discernible emotion is at the tip of my metaphorical tongue. I feel like nothing's coming out naturally, when I express something it's not quite true. Emotional brown slush is what I'm calling it now. You can't tell what's in it and if you look for a flavor, you can kinda taste it but you gotta REALLY look for it. This is like melancholy but not with an undertone of sad, with an undertone of everything. It's a little unsettling, to be honest. Things are getting boring and I often feel the need to scratch my face off because I'm so mindlessly bored.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
My brother is so stupid. I shouldn’t call people stupid, but that’s what he is. He’s inferior. Not necessarily because he has worse grades or because he gets into trouble, but because he doesn’t care to understand and he doesn’t care to sacrifice. He doesn’t care to bide his time to get out of trouble. He doesn’t care to take 20 minutes of studying to fix his grades. He doesn’t care to understand where other people are coming from to improve his relationship with them. He thinks that everything will work out for him no matter what he does. And when it doesn’t work out, he doesn’t change his approach at all. He’s oblivious. And that’s the core difference between him and me. We both think we’re hot shit but I’m the only one who’s working to be that hot shit.
Aren’t I strong? Ichor endlessly pours from my heart, and yet my body acts as a container. I can feel it fall into my toes. I can feel it rise and rise, that black viscous feeling drowning my innards. It fills my legs until all that’s left is static. It rises higher, it fills my intestines, it fills my stomach. Once I feel it drench my ribs, it’s like my heart goes into overdrive. Every beat is another pint of ink pumped and leaked out into the lake of black. But even with that pressure building up inside of me, the glass walls of my corpse hold. It’s not till the ichor rises above my neck that I struggle. Because once it reaches my throat, once it logs my larynx and inches above, it pours out. It’s like I’m vomiting. Everything terrible just adds and adds until it makes me keel over and let it all out until I’m heaving up droplets. Until droplets of sticky black and salty clear run down my face. And then I’m fine, up until I refill and repour.
I wonder if my heart will ever run dry. Maybe it’ll only stop pumping once it stops beating. Sometimes I like the feeling of being full. Sometimes I catch myself throwing up on purpose. But 9 times out of 10 I keep myself in check. Aren’t I strong?
I’m rather susceptible to addiction I believe. I have hedonistic and thrill-seeking tendencies, so I tend to be irresponsible and ignore my conscience. I also form bad habits easily and struggle to break away from them, so when you combine those two weaknesses you can see why I came to that conclusion. Also also, I enjoy the bad feeling I get when I’m down in the dumps which is a TERRIBLE combo with the other stuff.
I’ve had unhealthy relationships with gooning, Character AI, fighting people, and general pain in the past, I’m curious as to what’s next. I wonder if I’ll get addicted to not studying, cuz this week especially I’ve been studying less and less than I should just for the fun of it. Hopefully I can get to the point of shaking and wanting to throw up again, haha.
I should probably reevaluate my hobbies.
Honestly I was really excited about exams because I’ve been so bored this week but I’m still so done with everything. Only thing that seems to make me unbored is poking my leg with a fork and looking at images of roadkill :(
Born to be a god of mischief disguised as a human out of curiosity and boredom forced to be just a dude
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I think it’s really funny how I unironically relate to the Dark Triad AKA the edgy pseudo-psychology black pill Hannibal Lecter wannabe TikTok edit traits
I’m out of my 1-2 month depressive self-hating slump, time to get impulsive and grandiose!
I used to think I had everything under control and had no serious trauma or problems. It felt like I had everything under control. But in September some switch was flipped and now everything’s gone to shit. I wonder when I became so disgusting, I don’t remember. Of course I don’t remember. Classic! Do I even actually forget? I’m just dodging responsibility, aren’t I?
God I hope I have something that explains everything.
I’m not absolved from my sins just cuz of writing on a piece of paper.
I’m irredeemable, aren’t I? The cons outweigh the pros now. I can’t offer anything anymore. I can’t do anything. I can’t do my work, my grades are slipping, I’m not entertaining. I can’t even fucking draw. I can’t draw. I can’t draw. I’m useless. I just take up space. My only purpose is as a prop. I’m just what people want to see at first and nothing more. I’m a whiteboard. I’m a fucking whiteboard. Just a flat empty boring whiteboard! Oh my god this is ridiculous I’m a whiteboard! I’m laughing and crying this is so stupid! I’m just a whiteboard!
Ah shut up. This is soo embarrassing. Just stop it. We’re wonderful stop being so mopey about nothing.
But you don’t love me anymore
That’s not true.
Then say it
I can’t say it I can’t say it I can’t say it I CANT SAY IT I CANT I CANT I CANR I CANT SAY ANYTHING I CANT TAKE THIS LOATHING I HATE MYSELF AND I HATE IT I DONT KNOW WHY BUT I HATE MYSELF I’m disgusted by myself and I don’t know why I feel like I can’t love anything anymore everythings been replaced by disgust I can’t feel anything but disgust for this body this mind this soul I don’t understand why anyone found this endearing why would anyone find this endearing I’m stupid and immature and pretentious and clingy and creepy and hypocritical and I constantly feel like I need to vomit because of how disgusting and pitiful I don’t understand where this came from
I’m tired of being a person. I don’t know if I want to die but I certainly don’t see the point in life.
I’ve been out-freaked. Freak meaning receiving affection in a healthy way
This pisses me off some random dm’d me at 3 am and I was thinking about them all day and I was gonna respond but they DEACTIVATED THEIR ACCOUNT FUCKKKK
Ts pmo it would’ve been so fun to talk to them awaylog10 come backkk
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I can’t take it if I have to lose more friends these ones can’t leave me too
Text me text me right now text me I’d love to talk to you I want you to talk to me pay attention to me pay attention to me pay attention to me don’t you miss me don’t you think about me all the time yea you do you do you do you do you do do you do you do you you do right right come on text me text me i need you i need you you want me to be around right you love me too right just text me text me text me pay attention to me pay attention to me PAY ATTENTION TO ME PLEASE PLEASR PAY ATTENTION TO ME PAY ATTENTION TO MD PAY ATTRENTION TO ME PLEASE COME OVER COME OVER LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME YOU LOVE ME RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT YES YOU DO YOU DO I CANT TAKE 4 MORE DAYS 4 MORE DAYS COME BACK COME BACK COME BACK come back i miss you i miss you i miss you please pay attention to me pay attention to me pay attention to me i need you i need you you two are perfect you’re all i need i just need you two come back come back clme back come back
Recently I’ve been fantasizing about a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about me. Like someone who absolutely fucking despises me. I’m just imagining myself wrapped around their waist and they’re punching me on the head repeatedly and I’m bleeding but still drooling, “Hehehehe” as I pass out
I can’t handle someone liking me. I can feel my ribs and my heart and it hurts I hate it I hate it I hate it so as long as they hate me I can love them without my heart hurting as much. Downside is sometimes I like it when my heart hurts a little bit so them just fullblown hating me would get me kinda depressed so as a compromise they’d have to have an underlying affection towards me that they show occasionally and then I could handle the heart hurt and everything would be good
I tend to idealize the traits of being logical, unempathetic, cold, unfeeling, etc as superior for reasons. that I could make a whole nother post for. Anyways by extension I believe that people who exhibit those traits are superior/intelligent and I attach myself to people I believe are superior/intelligent because that makes me superior/intelligent by proxy. But oftentimes I get a feeling of imposter syndrome in that group of superior/intelligent people and place myself in a submissive role, since superior people deserve someone who treats them rightfully as superior. If they hurt me who am I to judge them? If they need a punching bag, I am happy to provide! Obviously they deserve to have whatever they want. Sure, I may not like it but it’s whats fair. Just as long as they give me a liiiittle bit of a salary for my troubles. That’s all I need.
I wish I could just be affectionate to someone without feeling watched and having my heart hurt when theyre affectionate back thatd be so tuff