perpetually sad

im just not convinced humans were ever meant to be this busy

every day i am surrounded by people who need more naptime, and more playtime, and more storytime, and more playdates and parties and sleepovers. when it comes to worktime, however

If I was a deer I would also stand in the middle of the road staring into the headlights. this is because It's my destiny.

me when im in an Area

That's a guy alright

he's so fucking over there

google show me men whimpering in pain please

welcome to my new app, UberFeats. i will send heroes to your house to commit great Feats of strength and cunning

Will they do my dishes?

they will Slay your dishes

What about the laundry?

they will Slay your laundry

what about the minotaur harassing my cows

they will Have Sex with the minotaur

Ever since i was a little girl i knew i never wanted to be pregnant

first we do a Lego sesh then we do each other

sleeping positions that fuck up your spine feel so good for no reason it’s literally the devil’s deepest temptation

having a cat is so miraculous. this little guy wants to sleep in my bed with me and purr on my chest. it’s his favorite hobby. no one told him to do that he just Loves His Mommy

nevermind he’s extremely naughty and has terrorized multiple people this morning

i think im just not worth getting close to