sparklingmallow

The first time I went to Georgia, I stepped out of the car, walked to the porch, immediately had a fat fucking roach scuttle past my foot, said “This place has roaches.” only for my father to respond “Nah. It’s just a palmetto bug. 😌” and that was how I found out about the costal southeastern cultural tradition of lying to yourself by pretending all the roaches are native wildlife and not visibly a winged cockroach of the pest variety.

i think shouto is one of those boyfriends who likes to have a little task. he likes when you assign him veggie chopping at dinner time and likes being asked to hold your purse when you’re out.

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

the holy trinity: the father (fuck it we ball) the son (it is what it is) the holy spirit (to be cringe is to be free)

“Of course we’re in love, that’s why i tried to shoot you” “if you really loved me you wouldn’t have missed” is such a raw ass line you would think it comes from Goncharov (1973) and you would be right

Also people being obsessed with Greek mythology as kids wasn’t invented by Percy Jackson. My dad read the Iliad and the odyssey in high school because one of his friends was super obsessed with Ancient Greek lit and he was like “well I can’t let him be smarter and more well read than I am I’ve gotta catch up”

catholic guilt vs protestant belief in your own inherent superiority, fight

wait no I just remembered a few hundred years of history I take this post back

"unbecoming" is such a great word. bro that shit was so rude you no longer Are