Space Gremlins

If you can, always be Green Arrow.

Natural doesn’t necessarily mean good.

If you ever feel an urge to game, don’t.

Pillows. Put ‘em under your head. Put ‘em under your other bits. 

The credit card: history’s greatest monster.

Human’s die so easily!

Don’t eat meat a bird gives you. Pretty sure that’s in The Anarchists Cookbook.

Was it called Xena: The Warrior Princess simply because it had a nice ring to it? 

If something claims to cure everything it probably cures nothing.

Be nice to words. Don’t use them all willy-nilly. Also? Don’t use the words “willy-nilly”

Dogs are unreal.

Always be regular.

Utter nonsense is the best kind of nonsense.

Don’t buy anything from a guy whose nickname has to remind you that he’s totally not a crook.

Having someone to do coke with is the best, deepest relationship you can have with a person.

Make old people less hideous whether they want to be or not!

As long as your diarrhea isn’t severe, keep eating junk. You have my permission.