I think the funniest possible modern textual adaptation of Dracula would be Jonathan as a part time recipe blogger and you have to scroll through 10 paragraphs of the most harrowing thing you’ve ever read in your life just to get the recipe for paprika hendl

there's too much going on that i don't understand. russia. euphoria. figure skating. wordle.

i want to be a mousewife and do the mousework. yes i do the cooking yes i do the squeaking etc

no offense but like…. more saving…… more doing…… that’s the power of home depot

I got my septum pierced less than a week ago but the ring feels way too tight and I want to call a parlor tomorrow to see if they’ll change it to a barbell since the place I pierced it at is 3 hours away and it’s not remotely healed. I just can’t wait to get this thing changed and the quickest way to get to tomorrow is to sleep but I can’t sleep because my nose is being squeezed to death!! Why must I suffer!!!

Update I went to a very small slightly suspect place but the ladies there were SO nice and I feel like I got punched in the face over and over because it took 30 minutes to change my jewelry but I am experiencing sweet sweet relief!!!

I intend for my hot girl summer to cause a religious schism in Europe.

ya i can be your housewifey *burns the hellofresh meal i was making bc i was looking at my own ass for 5 minutes

MILV (museums I'd like to visit)

concept: i am a monkey in a zoo. my zookeeper loves me and provides me with bananas and enrichment. i scream whenever i want. i fling poop at people i don’t like. i am prospering