the gods were never on our side

Travis Kelce is dumb jokes will never not be funny to me. I don't even hate the guy or anything but I love joking about how stupid he is because it's true.

every spelunker should go in with a cyanide tooth capsule so if they get stuck they can take the gentle way out instead of being tortured by the earth for 72 hours and then dying anyway

They should do a sad ant with bindle emoji. one of my more frequent emotions for sure

ice water is awesome because you get more water in your water

everything so scary & forever .

had a dream i walked up to a food stall and they tried to sell me 3 takoyaki for $130 and i was so mad that i woke myself up before completing the transaction. idiot lost their customer to the waking world lol. charge less next time.

Stealing this from twitter but I liked the concept: put in the tags where were your 8 great-grandparents from (given modern borders) ?

top gun is great because tony scott was like “i want to make a movie about sunsets” and the us navy was like “No you’re gonna make recruitment propanganda for the navy” and val kilmer was like “the studio has tricked me, juilliard trained val kilmer, into being here, so i’m going to portray a closeted homosexual” and tom cruise was like “i’m in a ray bans commercial!”