Soul Connections & Twin Flames

When I look at you, I see that you’re already in your coffin.

You did not make it; someone else made it for you.

You chose to step in, you choose to stay in, although you are unaware.

Your mother started its construction the moment you were born.

She needed to control every single thing around her.

Whether she controlled through being mean or nice or crying or lying, control was her currency.

 She started the construction of the box, step by step.

She said you were not good enough. You agreed.

She said you would only get the things you needed if you served her and her needs. You agreed.

She said you would only be loved if you stayed in your coffin and suppressed the real you. You agreed.

She said you had no value. You agreed.

And so the construction of your coffin began.

 At times when you felt bold enough to step out of your confines, she inflicted enormous guilt on you.

That got you back in…

 Then your wife saw you. She saw a man with so much to offer (her).

Then she saw the coffin you were in.

It was half finished; you were happily lying in it without question.

Most of the hard work had been done – your self-worth had already gone.

She had hit the jackpot.

 She eagerly took over the role of coffin-maker.

Because you MUST be contained. You cannot be allowed free will or growth.

She cannot control you and everyone else around her if those things happen.

So, she added extra security features to it: mutual assets; children.

And she added more of the most crucial aspect of the coffin: guilt.

 Guilt is the ingredient that keeps you permanently in your coffin.

She knows you will avoid it at all costs.

Guilt is the key to your demise.

 She said many things to you; some in words, some in inference.

She said if you leave her, she will make sure you feel overwhelming guilt. You were afraid so you stayed in the coffin.

She said if you leave her, she will turn the kids against you. You were afraid so you stayed in your coffin.

She said if you leave her, you will be responsible for HER demise. She will not be able to handle it, she says with her tears if not her words. You were afraid so you stayed in your coffin.

 You do not see that guilt has been placed on you like a noose.

It is not rightfully yours, but it is now yours to overcome.

And overcome it you must, to take off the noose and step outside your prison…

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You’ve met a soul connection/twin flame* because you have work to do.

There are things that you need to change and overcome. You need to break free from old habits and learn new ways. You need to get your energy flowing. Basically, you need to a) get a reading on what your lesson is, then b) learn to balance your energy which will help you transcend the lesson.

Q. “Why do I still feel connected to my twin flame?”

Because you still haven’t transcended those lessons. Get a reading on your KARMA/LESSON and find out exactly what you need to do.

Once you have done this, you will still care for them but you will no longer be at their mercy. Ie your happiness will not depend on them! You will be able to take or leave a relationship with them.

Q. “But there’s nothing wrong with me, I don’t need to change – it’s my twin flame who is the problem and who is running”

Look again. BOTH of you need to transcend some big lessons. And if you still feel like you need/want to be with them, you have not learnt the lesson. Once the lesson is learnt you won’t care if they learn their lesson and accept the connection or not.

Q. I want to cut the cord between us so I can be free.

Learn your lesson, then you won’t feel the connection any more. You will feel free and powerful instead. Which is much better than being dependent on someone else for your happiness.

Q. I’ve done all the work but I still feel the connection with my twin.

If that’s the case then you HAVEN’T done all the work. When you do the work, you won’t feel them any more. You will be free and have peace. Who knows… they might even come back! The ONLY connections I have heard of where the runner comes back is when the stayer does energy work, learns their lessons and no longer needs them…

Q. I have been working on my spirituality for years and I am still feeling the connection.

Length of time does NOT equal success. You can transcend your lessons, and the connection, within a few weeks, even days! with the right techniques. The key is to do the RIGHT work. And the right work will be the work you’ve been avoiding. It won’t be in your comfort zone. SO you’ll do it last when you’ve been around the merry-go-round a few thousand times.If you want to get off the hamster wheel and get your power back, I recommend doing energy work with Steve Gunn (http://stevegunn.net/wp_blog/), who helped me through my three huge connections.

* I have used the term twin flame so that you know that yes I am talking to you, but here is my view on the twin flame label.

You might remember me posting briefly about the entrance of major soul mate number three.

I met him a few months ago now, and since then I have been working with energy worker Steve Gunn to work through my lesson. Because I have learnt that if I meet a soul mate, it’s time to do some work and there’s a big lesson to be learnt!

I have to say that the bigger the soul mate, the bigger the lesson. This is my strongest soul connection yet, and this lesson has been so much harder than the previous ones. It just goes to show that we are constantly growing and being tested, and that even when we think we can’t grow any more… yep we can!

The lesson this time was ‘don’t give away your power’, and I had to work on something that I have been doing since I was about 3. Since I was a child, I have been toning down my energy for certain people who I felt were ‘important’ or who I wanted to please. This was a habit taught to me by my dad, who I looked up to and very much wanted to please. This began the trend of me dialing down my power with certain people… and it has done me no favours over the years.

But no more! I brought up all those old triggers and did some work on my energy, and the karma to this soul connection has gone.

I still care for him but I don’t need him in any way. Reverse back to a few months ago when I felt the world was going to end if we couldn’t be together…

So, I want all you readers to be aware that you DON’T have to wait for your soul connection to come back. Maybe they’ve run? Maybe they deny the connection? Maybe they’re going back and forwards like a yo-yo? Whatever is happening, you need to look at yourself and be brutally honest. What is MY issue? What am I supposed to learn from this? Often we can easily see the problems of our soul partner… but it is harder to see our own issues. And if you have met a connection, there WILL be issues. Connections are never one-sided.

Beware of self-diagnosing though… we often can’t clearly see our own lessons, so it is best to get an energy worker to READ YOUR KARMA/LESSON and you can go from there. I could not have seen my lesson if not for Steve… I am forever grateful for his help.

Most of you will say that love is painful. And I would have agreed with you a few years ago.

The soul-wrenching pain that occurs when you separate from a soul mate seems to point to that correlation.

BUT it is actually not true.

Love and pain do not go together – NEED and pain go hand in hand,

When you NEED someone, that’s where the pain is… because need is a two-way street. You need the other person to reciprocate. However, when you love someone (minus that need), it is just love… there is actually no pain involved.

Emotions are our soul... they are the energy that lives on after our body dies. And they are the universe's way of guiding us. Have you ever heard the term "gut feeling"? Well that's your emotions/energy/soul, and sometimes it is the universe guiding us through these feelings.

So, feeling each emotion fully is vital to emotional health, and indeed spiritual evolution. If we are balanced and are listening to our inner instincts, we will progress quicker through what we need to learn.

We cannot avoid emotions. They are part of us. Instead, we must learn to ride the emotional waves and not get drowned.

And to do that, we need to learn energy work techniques.

Well, they just keep getting bigger and better (and more challenging!)

I was so happy being single and independent. I had peace in my life.

Now karma is back again to bite me on the bum.

I wonder what lessons I have to learn this time?

I once met a guy online. On the surface, he seemed “enlightened”. He was a Buddhist and helped people for a living. We got chatting and we got along. We arranged to meet for coffee, but the only time we could meet was two weeks later due to conflicting schedules.

Once we’d set the date, I went along with life, looking forward to our coffee. He sent me “hey how’s your day been” messages twice a day, which was fine to begin with… I love a conversation but it has to have a point to it. I would answer by dropping some ‘conversation starters’, but he wouldn’t take the bait. The conversation was to stay at the ultra-superficial “hey was your day” level. His answer to me was usually “yeah, pretty good”. I wasn’t able to take the conversation any further despite my own carefully crafted questions.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt for a few days, but this trend continued. There was no actual ‘getting to know each other’. It was just checking in. Twice a day. Same cycle.

I realised that he was actually very ‘needy’ and he needed to keep letting me know that he was still around. Because the date was so far in the future, he was ‘keeping his foot in the door’.

But his neediness drove me away. I ended up dreading his messages because they were just stroking his ego. He needed to be needed.

In the end, I realised I had a choice: I could either let him carry on this tedious check-in twice a day or I could maintain my boundaries by telling him that I wasn’t enjoying the check-in and that by all means, I would love to move the conversation to something more ‘real’.

So I told him, in the nicest, warmest, politest way possible. And he blocked me.

Which in the end, was fine… it was a blessing… it saved me from a date which would probably have gone nowhere. And I learnt something from it, and perhaps he did too.

I’ve just rewatched the movie Sleepless in Seattle for the first time since it came out in 1993. When I first watched it I was in high school and I had not yet experienced a soul connection, so for me this was the first time I had watched it since having experienced some powerful connections of my own.

I was stunned at how accurate the portrayal of a soul connection (twin flame, whatever you want to label it) was.

It portrayed all the synchronicities (those “meaningful coincidences”) that showed Sam and Annie that they were dealing with something extraordinary.

It portrayed how they loved each other before they had even met.

It portrayed how even though they had not met, they were obsessed with each other. They couldn’t stop thinking about each other! They thought they were crazy.

It portrayed how even Sam’s son was instrumental in them meeting (which happened to me with my own son).

It portrayed how when they finally did meet face to face, no words were needed – they just started at each other in awe. Yep, been there…

But the movie finishes as soon as they meet for the first time. So, what would have happened next?

Based on what usually happens with these connections – and remembering that we only meet soul connections/twin flames when it is time to CHANGE because we’ve got serious lessons to learn –  this is how Sleepless in Seattle 2 would have gone down:

Sam and Annie would have had a blissful few months together. They would have realised they just “knew” each other. They would have felt like “home” for each other. The sex would have been out of this world.

They also would have triggered each other. All their fears would have come up. It would have been like looking in a mirror, and maybe sometimes they wouldn’t like what they saw.

Just when things were going SO WELL, just when the love was growing stronger and stronger (despite them feeling it couldn’t possibly get any more wonderful/passionate), BOOM! One of them would have freaked out and RAN AWAY.

Let’s say it was Sam who ran. All his fears would have come up – his fear of abandonment (his wife had died, after all), his feeling that he was not good enough for Annie… that she deserved more (because he feels he’s not worthy of her), his feeling of loss of control (this is the big one!!) Sam feels like he cannot control his emotions – they are so huge. So he DOES A RUNNER.

Annie is left shocked. What was wrong with Sam? Didn’t he love her?? Did he just lie about his feelings all this time?

His actions said he didn’t care, but in her heart she knew he did.

So she tries to pull him… tries to get him to come back. He comes back for a time, but the same thing happens again. He freaks out and RUNS. This time for good… he won’t answer any of Annie’s calls.

Months have gone by. Sam has not said a word. So Annie starts to go a little crazy. Her heart says Sam loves her but her head says “but he has gone!” Annie begins to consult psychics and fortune tellers, hoping that she can gain some control over the situation. And trying to get to the bottom of Sam’s behaviour. One fortune teller will say “oh he loves you, he is coming back!” The next fortune teller says “he doesn’t care about you”. What???

Then Annie makes a discovery – she finds out that Sam is dating another woman and has asked her to marry him!

Annie finally falls into a big pit of despair. She hits rock bottom. Everything she has ever dreamt of has been ripped away from her. Her chance to be happy with her one and only twin flame/soul mate is gone. Everything she thought she needed had been taken away from her.

She continues to seek out fortune tellers. They keep giving her mixed messages. She is finding it hard to function. She is not really “living”, just existing.

Sleepless in Seattle 2 can span YEARS if Annie doesn’t do what she needs to do (that is, learn her lesson). It can turn into Groundhog Day if she’s not careful. If Annie doesn’t find out what HER problem is (because both sides of the connection will have BIG LESSONS to learn – that’s why they met), she will be stuck and will be spending her time in spiritual forums, forever seeking answers…

However, we can progress on to the next movie, Sleepless in Seattle 3, if she seeks REAL help and makes some big changes.

Annie can consult someone who can read energy and tell her what her KARMA or LESSON is! She can then learn some energy techniques to transcend her issues. Then she will be happy and free!

Let’s say Annie’s lesson is that she has CONTROL issues. She has always been so controlling in every part of her life. Society will even tell us that this is a “good” thing, but this is not actually true. Annie controls to the extent that she needs to avoid many situations in order to maintain control, because otherwise she cannot handle the emotions that the lack of control brings up. If Annie does energy work that deals with those emotions, she won’t need to control (lesson learnt).

Suddenly, she doesn’t pine for Sam so much. Wow… she isn’t always thinking about him! Wow… she can’t feel him so much any more! Wow… she is living in the moment! Wow.. she doesn’t NEED him any more!!

So Annie has found happiness from within… which is often why we are sent these types of connections. The universe takes away what we think we need… until we discover that we didn’t need it after all.

After she has done the work, maybe Sam will come back declaring his undying love for her. Or maybe he won’t. Either way, Annie is happy and is whole within herself and no longer spends her time looking for answers, or hiding away in spiritual forums. She no longer needs answers… because the answer is herself.

I am going to be very honest here. I have a history of putting up with bad behaviour if the guy is hot.

*Gasp!*

Yes… it is true, and I have only just realised it and changed my ways!

Looking back, one of my soul connections a couple of years ago treated me badly (lying, having a wife and not telling me – heck, he had a pregnant wife and didn’t tell me). And I was still tempted to jump into his bed. Why? Because he was actually the hottest man I had ever seen.

In the end, sense and boundaries prevailed – I sent him packing and didn’t dally with him once I found out he had a wife. But oh man was I tempted…

Then, along came HUGE soul connection #2 (many would call him my twin flame but I don’t do labels), and it was clear that the feelings were HUGE between us… but he also treated me badly. He had a fiancee in the background and didn’t tell me. And it was SO tempting to let these things slide when you’re in the throes of NEED. Needing a relationship with them…

It’s only since I refreshed my energy work disciplines that I no longer need him, and can see what he was doing – keeping all his options open but at the same time, taking away the options of everyone else (myself and his fiancee) by not being honest about the situation.

Some unscrupulous hot guys (and girls) are used to getting what they want and they can often treat people poorly – because we let them! Our egos like being with someone attractive and sometimes we will bend the rules (and our boundaries) for them so we can lap up a bit more of it. The same goes for soul connections/twin flames/insert misleading label. We WANT to be with them so we put up with more… but in doing this, we GIVE OUR POWER AWAY. We become impotent and we slowly start to rely on them for our happiness. But happiness can only come from within, not from outside (eg relationship, job, situation, material things).

I have recently had a chance to assert my newly strengthened boundaries. I was chatting to a hot guy and it became clear he just wanted some gratification (“send me a pic”). Ummm NO thanks. I’m looking for something deeper.

Silence.

Silence.

And he’s gone…

Good 🙂

I am feeling so frustrated. I just visited a spiritual forum and read a few posts written by people who have experienced a big connection (call it what you will, twin flame etc). And they are still clinging to the connection and pining for the relationship. It made me frustrated, since it doesn’t have to be that way! Each of us is whole… each of us has everything we need inside ourselves to be happy and fulfilled. It’s just that sometimes the universe sends us someone who seems to be the answer to all our prayers… they give us the love and relationship we’ve been dreaming of, but then the universe takes them away (eg running). But it takes the person away for a very important reason – it makes us look deep inside ourselves to find those answers, to find that what we’ve been looking for all along has been inside us the whole time.

If you truly want to heal, this is what you can do:

1. Ditch the twin flame label – it’s not helpful and will only limit your experience.

2. Go out there and find someone who will teach you energy disciplines so you can balance yourself – you don’t need to depend on a healer for this as a matter of routine. That’s dependency and heck, animals don’t depend on others to remove their emotional junk. They self-heal! And so did we… until society taught us that we shouldn’t feel certain things… then we start to block…

For my recommendation, see here.

3. Stop reading spiritual material – it just feeds the ego and stops us from tapping into our instincts. Animals and kids don’t need to “understand” and neither does your energy.In fact, filling the brain will stop you from living in the moment and being happy.

I have a problem with this phrase.

When you’re in the grips of a passionate soul connection that knocks your socks off and is the most powerful thing you have ever experienced… how can you be sure that there isn’t a more powerful connection around the corner? How could you possibly know that this is the ultimate? Odds are you haven’t experienced it yet!

When I met big soul connection #1, I swore he was “the one”. I searched every twin flame check-list there was and it came up with “tick, tick tick”. Yep… this must be what’s happening! But fast-forward a few years and I experienced an even greater connection. The feeling of love was so huge it made me want to vomit. It would have been easy for me to think, “ahhh… THIS must be my twin flame”… but no. I have learnt that these labels people are slapping on these days are just that – labels. They’re made up and they are popular because the ego likes to do two things: it likes to say “but it’s different for me” and it likes to say “I will whack a label on this so then I don’t have to do any work or change anything, because it’s out of my hands! It’s all my twin’s fault because they’re just not ready. But I am perfect...”

After doing the right energy work I no longer needed the labels… I no longer searched for answers as to why we weren’t together. It wasn’t important any longer. I had found happiness within myself.

If twin flames do exist (and there is actually no evidence for it), and considering they are supposed to be the last incarnation before ascension, don’t you think they would be supremely enlightened people? I am talking Jesus-level wise, compassionate, passionate etc. The kind of person who is kind yet firm, who devotes themselves to helping others, and who does the right thing even when it is hard. I am sure that those people are out there, but I have never met one myself. I am certainly not one of them yet! I have not yet reached Jesus-level wise, sadly, but I do my best.

What I say is usually not popular, because it triggers some people who have invested a lot of time, emotions (and money) into it. And when they hear the truth, they get angry. But I hope that a small part of them listens, and when the anger dies down and when they have gone down the “it’s different for me” path until it reaches its end, maybe they will do something different and REALLY start to heal.

You’ve surely heard people say to you “happiness comes from within”, and you have possibily nodded and agreed, or nodded and quietly disagreed (because it hasn’t worked for you so far. Where is that darn happiness that’s supposed to be inside me?).

The reason why this statement is so common is because it is actually true. But most people who say it are not even living it themselves… it is some kind of pipedream to aspire to, an almost unachievable goal. And somehow we are all instinctively aware that it is a goal we should be achieving but it hasn’t happened for us yet.

But it is achievable… and the key to it is energy work.

When I look around me, I see people searching for happiness in all the wrong places: jobs, relationships, a house, a car, the latest gadget, other material things… even seemingly innocent things like holidays. But this search is a neverending hamster wheel and it will never work. If we choose this route, we will be forever searching.

When I am on top of my energetic disciplines, I feel content and truly happy, usually regardless of what is happening around me. I don’t need extravagances, I don’t need adventures, I don’t need much at all. I am content to potter around the house, feel the sun on my face (or hear the rain outside) and I don’t have a need to create adventure or anything dramatic. This is how animals live, and I have to say they seem a whole lot happier and more content than we humans do.

Steve Gunn told me once that extravagance feeds the ego and simplicity nurtures the soul. And every day I see proof of this.

I have just come back from a big European trip with my son, and from the beginning it was clear to me that this kind of trip was a real trip for the ego (as opposed to the soul) and in a way, it was just ticking off boxes (been there, tick!) which is all ego, but my soul would have been just as happy at home weeding the garden. It was a big realisation, and I also realised that this was not making me happy at all and what I would rather be doing was using more of my time to help people (for example, writing this blog as a way to help people, and volunteering in the community). It really shone a light on my priorities.

And I saw this reflected in my son, who is 9. He enjoyed/tolerated many aspects of the trip, but what really floated his boat was when we visited a cat sanctuary in Rome…  for him it was the highlight of the whole five-week trip – because it spoke to his soul, whereas the ruins and the bustle of Rome just spoke to the ego, which is thankfully still not a huge influence on him.

Valentine's Day 2018 has just ended and it reminded me of how I used to be.

I used to crave romance. I wanted someone to worship me. I wanted to be put on a pedestal. I wanted the heart-rending passion that came with a strong connection. I wanted to be pursued by someone I loved/was attracted to. I wanted men to dream about me and crave me. It was all about me, really.

When I look back, I can see that it was just a function of the ego – the part of the ego that wants validation and wants other people to worship it. In essence, it is not a very healthy way to be.

And it gives our power away to the other person. When all your fantasies rely on someone else doing something (in this case, the other person pursuing/craving/wanting/lusting), it is not from the soul. This kind of need is from the ego. And you give your power away to them. You're no longer centred.

What can we do to get out of this mode?

As always... the answer is energy work and getting rid of our blocked emotional luggage. If you're not sure where to start, read this.

So, Valentine's Day 2018 was quite different for me from Valentine's Day 2017. Last year I was craving soul mate number 2. I was constantly wondering whether he would contact me (he didn't), and I was unhealthily consulting the tarot, asking what was happening with him. It is the biggest connection I have had. He ran (and got engaged to someone else). Once again, what I "needed" (the relationship and the worshipping) was taken away from me... and it showed me that I really didn't need it to begin with.

Something that I feel so strongly about since doing energy work is integrity. I am sure that I had some integrity pre-transformation – I mean, I would try and do the right thing – but now it is on another level entirely.

Pre-energy work, I used to be honest, but sometimes I would not be so honest if a little lie would serve me better.

Now, I tend to be totally honest, even if I get nothing out of it.

For example, a year or so ago I broke the clothes dryer in the property I was renting. I had not cleaned out the lint filter for a while and it overheated, tripping some kind of circuit. People told me to lie… to say it just broke… to say the lint filter had been clean. And it was tempting, because it might save me money to act innocent. But in the end, integrity won out. I confessed that it was my fault, I paid for the repairs (which wasn’t much anyway) and I had a clean conscience. That alone is worth the money.

I meet so many people who say they are ‘honest’… but often, they are only honest when it serves them. That’s not integrity. They’re only honest if they will get something out of it.