Something clever here.

i have tested positive for tzatziki

met a woman today whose original real actual given-at-birth first name is "Vendetta." ma'am are you aware you are a videogame protagonist and/or a character in a skullduggery pleasant novel. real quick sorry to bother you miss but who exactly were your parents expecting you to avenge in their name

the worst part is I can't dare ask her that last question because then she might say something like "You don't remember, do you?" and pull out a katana and obviously I'm not stupid enough to take that risk

Like two years ago I ran into a salamander biologist in the woods who complimented my ability to 'walk quietly in the forest while causing minimal disturbance to the leaf litter.' Still goes to my head.

[ID: Aerial photo of two adult wild hogs and 9 or 10 hoglets lying in a field. The babies are all lying in a pile between/on top of the two adults. End ID]

I love when people are weird. Do your thing diva

Soccer players are the horses of men’s sports. They run around in fields for hours on end. They stub their toe and they die. They fall and they die. They run into each other and

i bet girls hated it in 1902 cuz you would constantly go on dates w guys who are working on an invention to present at the world fair