It was a bad day for Jean. Nothing in particular had happened. It was just another day of his new life and he was exhausted. Every day felt like a fight, like a war; against himself, his monsters and his issues. All he had learned until he transferred was wrong and he had to relearn it the right way and it was exhausting.
So today he couldn’t bring himself to talk. Everything else was working: He went to practise and to his classes, he ate properly, showered and drank enough. Normally this would be a very good day. He hadn’t had a violent fall out at practice which was good too. But talking didn’t work. He just didn’t want to. His jaw felt heavy and working his throat seemed like a lot. Swallowing was okay, but forming words? No… no not today. Listening to them was also hard but possible. Short shouts from the Coach or his captain had been okay. Listening to his teachers only possible because his fear of failing in class, which was far more present then his aversion to not listen to anything.
When he entered the dorm room his relief of finally getting some quiet only lasted for about a second. Jeremy was there, too. Great.
Jean tried to ignore him, went to the fridge to catch some water and instead of lazing around and recovering he sat down at his desk to study and to seem occupied. It lasted about five minutes.
“Hey, everything alright?”
The confirmative sound he pressed out of his throat was nearly more than he could handle. And all his work wasn’t good enough, because Jeremy didn’t stop talking.
“It’s just… I know you are the quiet type, but today you seem like… more quiet? I just want to make sure… you know…”
Jean wasn’t able to respond to that. He tried to ignore him. Perhaps he would stop talking then. Jen justhad to look busy enough perhaps. So he opened up two other books and prentended to search for something in them.
“You can always talk to me, if something is the matter, you know that, right?”
Jean didn’t answer but he felt anger rising inside of him. He just wanted to have some quiet. He just had to rest. Tomorrow he would be able to function properly again, but not today. Just a little bit of sleep…
Jeremy sounded a bit annoyed but Jean didn’t want to think about him right now. He hadn’t the strength to think about anyone other than himself. He knew that this was not how it worked out here. You had to think about the others. Their feelings and thoughts… but he couldn’t today. He needed a break.
“Is it something I did? Hey, I can’t change if you don’t tell me what the problem is.”
Jean stood up and left the room, because if he stayed… if he stayed…
Jeremy was right behind him when he got to the hallway.
“Hey, Jean, I’m nothing but patient here and we all are really worried. No one is pressuring you, but…”
Jean turned around and punched Jeremy right into his face.
Or this one time when Jeremy learned that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
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