AFTG Exchange

It takes a long time for Jean to understand what happened.

Blame it on sleep, or panic, or just plain stupidity, but for longer than it would probably be necessary for anyone else, Jean stares helplessly at the pieces in front of him and can’t make sense of any of it. He was asleep, he knows as much, the white walls of his new bedroom and soft mattress beneath him letting him know he is in SoCal and as far away from the Nest as he can be, but for a moment there was…pressure. Weight shifting on top of him. Hot breathing on his neck. 

In his mind, he hears Grayson’s voice, but Grayson is dead and gone by now, and in the real world, the only sounds filling the air are his own labored breathing and…

Jean leans over the mattress only to find his blanket, twisted and thrown on the floor, and a lump shaking and whining beneath it. He has to stare at it for a few extra moments before recognition hits him fully. The guilt comes soon after. 

“Jabber…” He reaches out, pulling the blanket back and seeing the pitiful creature beneath it. The beast whimpers pitifully, but thankfully doesn’t retreat further or flinch at the sight of Jean. 

He feels like an idiot. Grayson was a striker, Jabberwocky doesn’t reach beyond Jeremy’s calf, mistaking the two was beyond nonsensical, and yet the dog was the one who suffered the most by Jean’s own hand thus far. The man gets up so he can kneel on the ground and let the beast smell his fingers like Jeremy showed him.

“It’s alright,” He says, slowly as the creature inches closer and out of the darkness. It feels ridiculous to speak to a creature who cannot understand him, but it feels cruel not to. “I’m sorry, I did not know it was you.”

The apartment is silent aside from them. Jeremy must not be back from his mother’s house yet, because he would have undoubtedly heard the sound of Jabberwocky’s small body hitting the floor and sprinted over immediately to coddle the creature if he were. And since he can’t do it, it is up to Jean to scoop the shaking dog into his arms when it jumps up his lap. 

He fusses over it slightly, hands petting at soft fur to try and find any bumps or bruises hiding beneath it. Thankfully, Jab quiets down once held close to Jean’s chest, and if he’s hurt anywhere he certainly doesn’t show it, but that does little to calm him down. What if it’s internal? What if Jab is hurt still but doesn’t know how to tell it to him?

“What do you need?” Jean asks but Jab only looks up at him with big, brown, stupid eyes and doesn’t offer any reply. “What should I do?” 

Jabberwocky licks an unhelpful stripe up the underside of Jean’s chin and he does his best not to flinch. He does not want to jostle the poor creature any more than absolutely necessary.

The sound of keys jingling at the door snaps Jean’s attention, and despite himself the man feels some small amount of tension bleed from his shoulders. 

The girls have been in their bedroom all night, which only leaves one person to be stumbling inside in the middle of the night. Despite the wave of relief that washes over Jean at the sight of Jeremy’s slender silhouette opening their bedroom door a moment later, the first words out of Jean’s mouth are.

“You are not supposed to drive in the middle of the night anymore,”

Jeremy yelps and jumps up almost a foot in the air before scrambling for the light switch. He grabs at his chest at the sight of Jean, and looks around for a moment to check if the girls have noticed the commotion before quickly closing the door behind himself. “Jesus, Jean. What’re you doing up?”

He looks…rough. Spent in a way that seems to diminish the very life out of him. Jean does not have it in himself to feel guilty for worrying over Jeremy’s reckless driving habits, but he does understand why the other man might want, or have, to flee that horrid cage they call a mansion in the middle of the night all of a sudden, so he ignores Jeremy’s dismissal of his reprimand. 

Besides, the words relight the guilt inside Jean that the idea of Jeremy had briefly snuffed out. In fact, they fan it into a flame so big he has to look away.

“I…I hurt your dog,” he admits.

“No, you didn’t,” comes Jeremy’s immediate rebuttal and Jean does not have to look at him to know he’s shaking his head with that annoyingly kind and persistent look in his eyes. When he speaks again, his voice is gentle in a way Jean has only ever heard from him. “What happened?”

“I hurt him,” The man insists, looking down to where Jab is resting his head on Jean's forearm, completely unaware of the conversation around him as his tail lazily swishes back and forth. “He-He climbed my bed in the night. I did not know-I thought he was-”

He cuts himself off, feeling his cheeks heat up at the ridiculousness of the situation. Jeremy’s quiet, but knowing ‘Oh, Jean…’ only furthering his shame.

“I do not know what to do,” he confesses, the words leaving the inside of his throat raw as he says them. “I cannot tell if he hit his head, or-or broke something in the fall-”

“He seems fine, it must have just spooked him,” Jeremy insists, far too confident for someone who did not hear the poor creature’s cries. 

“You do not know that!” Jean hisses, eyes finally finding Jeremy's understanding ones. He is closer than he was when Jean last looked his way but it does not surprise him in the slightest, nor does it upset him. “What if he needs to go to the-the dog hospital?!”

Jeremy’s entire face twitches, but only for a moment and then he’s perfectly composed again. “If you want, we can drive him to a vet-” he emphasizes the word, and Jean files the gentle correction away for later. “but the bed isn’t that high up-”

“He is little, Jeremy!” Jean huffs out in frustration, and his captain’s face twitches oddly once again before he puts both hands up in surrender.

“I know! But Jabberwocky’s are naturally sturdy creatures,” Jean doesn’t tell Jeremy his fake creatures are nonsensical and irrelevant, but he hopes his eyeroll passes the message just fine. “Can I sit with you?”

Jean scoffs at the uselessness of the request, but nods anyway. With his permission Jeremy settles across from him, sitting gently over Jean’s discarded blankets on the floor which he chooses not to notice or think about. Up close, the older man’s exhaustion is even more obvious, the dark bags under his eyes contrasting harshly against golden skin. 

Were it not for the seriousness of the situation, Jean would feel guilt for keeping him up more than strictly necessary, but even if he were to dismiss Jeremy to bed now, he knows the man would not sleep until he knew he was resting too. It is too late to try and spare him any peace of mind, at least  whilst paranoia is still active in Jean’s.

Gingerly, slowly, Jeremy reached out to pet Jab’s head, the dog leaning forward and meeting him halfway with an excited yip. The backliner’s smile is nearly blinding. “Oh, you’re okay! You’re alright, aren’t you, bud? You just had a little scare, that’s all,” he gushes, speaking in the stupid voice he always uses around Jabberwocky or any animal they encounter on their runs. Jeremy turns his attention back to him and, thankfully, changes his tone. “Can I see if he has any bumps?”

It feels like a stupid question, seeing as the beast is Jeremy’s dog far more than he is Jean’s, but Jean is really in no position to say as much, given he is hunched over the dog and holding it far closer than he thought. The acknowledgment makes his cheeks burn.

“I could not feel any-”

The moment Jean moves the dog up from his lap, it lets out a long, sorrowful whine as it turns it’s head at Jean in what can only be described as confused desperation. Before Jean can fully register it, Jab is pressed firmly against his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around him as his heart pounds inside his chest.

“I told you,” Jean hisses at Jeremy, the panic in his voice obvious even to his own ears. “Something is wrong!”

But Jeremy’s face doesn’t have any of the concern Jean expected or the raw guilt he feels; instead his eyes are…soft. Gentle with an expression that Jean can’t quite look at for too long. “I think he just likes it when you hold him, Jean.”

He scoffs at that. “I hurt him.”

“You didn’t mean to,”

“Yes, I did,” Jean insists, but still Jeremy looks doubtful. He huffs out a breath that sounds a bit too petulant for someone admitting their own guilt. “I felt him and I-I did not think- I just wanted him off-I did not-” Jean looks away, feeling the shame that permeates his bones. “He felt so much larger…”

Jabberwocky whines in his arms, and once again turns to lick at him-Jean can’t help the way he flinches at the flick of tongue against his neck, but the dog makes busy work of licking at his hands and wrist instead. The dejected sound Jeremy makes is not too dissimilar.

“You…Jean…” He will never understand how Jeremy is capable of saying his name so softly, so tenderly. Like there is still something in him that needs the safeness and comfort that tone holds. “He startled you while you were sleeping, it happens, it doesn’t mean you wanted to hurt Jab.”

At the mention of his name, Jab turns to Jeremy and pushes his head out in his direction. The man lets out an amused huff and goes to pet him but chooses to take Jean’s hand in his instead. For a brief moment, Jean is privy to every callus on Jeremy’s hand, before both their hands meet short fur. Sandwiched between Jab’s small head and Jeremy, Jean cannot deny that the contact feels…nice.

“Looks like he’s already forgiven you,” Jeremy gives him a meaningful look and Jean doesn’t know whether to look away or lean in closer, so he opts to stay completely still. “Now it’s your turn.”

Jean scoffs. “He has a very small brain, his opinions do not mean much,” but he continues to pet the dog. Jeremy gives him a knowing look when he hesitates. “Are you sure he is ok?”

Jeremy considers that, “If you’re really worried, we can call a vet first thing tomorrow, but…” he smiles softly, and Jean feels more than sees the way in which Jab nuzzles deeper into his arms. “I think he’s going to be just fine.”

Jeremy is an easy person to trust, so Jean does. Implicitly. Always. He gives him a nod and the captain’s smile grows.

“Right, hm,” Jeremy pulls his hand from over Jean’s to clap his hands together, and Jean tries not to miss the warmth as soon as it’s gone. “We can lock the bedroom tonight.”

Jean frowns. “Why?”

Jeremy returns his frown. “So Jabberwocky won’t try to get up your bed again.”

Without really thinking, Jean’s arms wrap tighter around Jab’s frame. “But this is his home, he should go where he likes,” He glares at the older man, who seems to be struggling to contain a grin. “It is not fair to punish him because of me, Jeremy!”

Jeremy raises both hands. “Not a punishment! I’m just making sure he doesn’t take a tumble again.”

Jean isn’t familiar with the word, but he can guess at its meaning. He looks down at the dog for a long moment, considering, before shaking his head. “No.”

“No?” Jeremy raises an eyebrow.

As gentle as he can, Jean puts Jab down, watching for a moment as the dog pads over to Jeremy for more attention, thankfully this time without kicking up a fuss. Once the captain’s eyes become far too soft, he turns away to pull the cot from the frame to the floor. Jeremy watches it all with his mouth hanging open.

“I-No, Jean, stop-” He runs a hand through his hair. The brown roots are starting to peak through and Jean finds that the look fits him well. “You shouldn’t make yourself uncomfortable for Jab, we can find another solution.”

“He will not make me uncomfortable,” Jean claims, but that isn’t quite the truth. He pauses to better choose his words. “It is…harder to be scared when you are here.”

His face heats up as he speaks but he forces himself to finish his sentence. If Jeremy can go through the trouble of worrying about him, the least Jean owes him in return is honesty, no matter how mortifying Jeremy looks at him for a moment before a small smile graces his lips. “Ok. If you-Ok, but you’re not sleeping on the floor alone,”  The man starts fussing with his own mattress, and Jean doesn’t bother trying to fight him on it - he knows by this point that it’s impossible to dissuade Jeremy of anything once he’s gotten an idea in his head. It is an awkward fit, what with both mattresses on the floor between the beds, as there is only a small sliver of space left between the two, but neither of them comment on it. Jeremy smiles at him when he’s done, looking a little more like himself despite the exhaustion in his eyes. “Now it’s fair.”

Jean can’t help but agree, and Jab does too if the way he slots himself in the hole between the beds is any indication. The dog does look…fine, actually. Happy. Jean isn’t sure why he was so worried before, not when the beast’s tail wags so happily even as his eyes start to droop.

Still…they’ll call a vet in the morning. Just in case.

“I am glad you are home, Jeremy,” Jean says without thinking, and when the man smiles at him, he can’t help but smile back.

“Me too.”