Owen Carvour Apologist

So first, while I was in the writing process I rewatched To Catch a Thief, which was filmed at the Cannes Carlton hotel, so the loveseat is heavily inspired by this (sorry that's the best picture I could find of the full loveseat)

and the "stupid goddamn cushion" from this 1950s loveseat

Curt also mentions Seconal, which was a powerful, commonly-used 1950s barbiturate:

There's a part in the fic where Curt calls Owen a "sissy" and I went back and forth on what word to use there. "Pussy" is canon (though not very likely given the time period), so I could've used that. I also debated using "pansy" which would've been historically accurate, but I settled on "sissy" because it's historically accurate and (idk maybe controversial opinion here) I do think Curt has the unfortunate habit of bolstering his own insecure masculinity by positioning himself as the more masculine partner, usually by making shitty ~jokes~ about Owen being too effeminate. And also he wants to piss Owen off a little bit in order to get what he wants

Nobody really vibed with this one, which is fine-- that's kinda just the nature of the beast. But I've had a lot of rsd spirals in my life so I wanted to stick with the way they tend to unfold for me. First comes justification, trying to mentally compensate for the incoming massive emotional response by downplaying it or even leaning into it. Then the doubts start creeping in, they get louder and louder until you're fully in the "I'm about to die from embarassment" phase (which tends to include misplaced anger and aggression). There's often a "dredging up the past" phase where you relate this perceived failure/rejection to past failures and rejections, which just intensifies the feeling. And then you devolve into pure self-loathing, thinking you're a burden to everyone around you, thinking that you're useless and worthless because you failed and you embarrassed yourself, and those thoughts just crowd everything else out until you start to self-destruct

And I think for Curt, he bases his entire self-worth around his job. So an impulsive decision backfiring spectacularly doesn't just embarass him, it destabilizes his own sense of identity. He thinks that being a great spy is all he has to offer, so naturally if he fucks that up there's no reason for someone like Owen to want him (which I don't think is true at all, but I do think Curt would believe that)

And for Owen's part, it's really difficult for someone who doesn't experience rsd to understand what it's like. What he sees is Curt being a cocky, reckless jackass (again) and he gives Curt shit for it, not realizing how much Curt is beating himself up for it because Curt kinda makes it out to be something he did on purpose. His hesitation to slap Curt in the face is less about the hitting itself, and more about the noticable vibe shift that happens when Curt moves his hand. He doesn't realize Curt is *that* upset about it until Curt starts crying

The warmest _____

I'm late for the forget it prompt but idcccc

me: sweet hit me with the good stuff

media: so there's this marginalized underclass of people, right?

me: okay

media: and they're like, stigmatized for something that's mostly an aspect of how they are born, or where they're from, or they're badly misunderstood, right?

me: yup, got it, I'm with ya

media: so these people are rebelling against the current social order, because it's the instrument of their suffering

me: oh good great sure

media: but also they're violent and deranged and need to be stopped

me: ...what

media: yeah they're going too far, they're trying to overthrow the system and assassinate the nice cop trying to help them and also they burned down an orphanage

me: ...why? would they burn down an orphanage??

media: extremism is bad

me: still not seeing what this has to do with their fight though???

media: also now they've shot a dog. oops they shot another dog

me: what?! why? I though their motive was to overthrow oppression??

media: yes but their suffering has also made them evil

me: ...???

media: don't worry though, the good guys will defeat them and restore the status quo

me: the status quo that's been killing people?

media: well it turns out it was only killing the kinds of awful people who burn down orphanages and shoot dogs :)

me: oh. this is actually a pro-authoritarian story, isn't it?