Duck's back off water

Sorry, I kind of realized I’m trans yesterday or day before, can’t remember, and I’m in a bad place right now because I can’t talk to anyone IRL, including professionals. This is the first time I’m telling anyone even online. I’m so overwhelmed and my head can’t comprehend anything that im thinking or that’s going on around me because everything is so cloudy. I need like a site or blog for support and help and to explain what to do or what is happening and I can’t find that myself because I can’t think rationally right now.. I’m alone in this with no idea who I even am or what this means and I don’t want to live anymore. So please if anyone knows something or a good site to visit that might help please tell me