cat on a computer

https://wheelofnames.com/t86-9e4

it's her unlikeability that makes her selfish. and her selfishness is a learnt behaviour for someone who has been abandoned by her family, emotionally abused by her step-brother and step-mother and learned to rely on only herself. She grew up with the safety of a father and the money she took for granted until it was all ripped from her in a second (though remember how she lived in a small modest apartment with her friend before he died.... she doesn't seem like she was ever a spoilt snobby rich girl) leading her to be taken advantage of by her male employer twice her age in a foreign country after her dad died because she was searching for what she'd lost.

It's her selfishness that makes her ruthless and manipulative. She will go to such insane extremes to get what she wants and to prove herself to the people who don't believe her (telling airport security about sayid's bag for no reason other than to prove to boone that people DO listen to her). and it's her pride that feeds into it when she'll manipulate those same people to not let them see how badly she's failed. (remember how she refused Boone's money and told him she'd find a way to make her own only to end up conning him out of it, so to cover up her obvious failure in his and Sabrina's eyes, she drunkenly confronts him about his crush and lets him have what he's always wanted.)

it's her insecurity that constantly undermines her pride. She's afraid to translate the French distress signal and the French maps. She has bulimia. She won't eat chocolate. She's afraid of being abandoned again, by Boone before the island and again by Sayid after the island. She internalises the insults that Boone throws at her (about being worthless and useless and a joke) and she throws them all back in Sayid's face at one point or another because she expects him to believe the same. When Boone calls her all these things she tries to prove him wrong but that doesn't mean she doesn't internalise them and let them affect her behaviour. She doesn't bother helping the other survivors because she resents that "God's frickin' gift to humanity" has it all handled and he uses it to lord over her head. She refuses to give Boone what he wants on his terms, only her own.

It's her pride that makes her put up walls. The way she snaps at people and answers everybody in short, sharp sentences. She isolates herself from everybody else, sitting with her book and minding her business. She acts coldly toward Boone and Sayid when they want to go out risking their lives because she's afraid of losing them and she doesn't want to admit it. She doesn't hoard things, she doesn't approach people to antagonise them. She sits there, or sometimes sunbathes, and keeps to herself. When she's angry she shuts down and isolates herself again. She's stranded on an island with the step-brother who sexually assaulted her, where there's a polar bear in the jungle and no rescue in sight. A step-brother who is simultaneously cruel and mocking of her and looks down on her, while also being the only person who cares and looks out for her. and then he dies.....

And it's those walls that are hiding the fact that she's incredibly ambitious. She wanted to do interior design, and then she dreamed of being a ballerina (so much so she got into an exclusive dance school). She's good with kids, teaching ballet, bonding with Walt, being an au pair. She's selfless, risking her life to go out and save Walt on her own if she has to. She likes to have fun and laugh, joining the survivors to play golf and joking around with Sayid. She's smart, she speaks French, she can tie complex knots, she's survived on her own for all these years, she's picked up skills from the other people around her. She's kind and caring, being the only person to look after Sayid and being grateful for all that he does.

Shannon is full of complexity, and she deserved to get far more exploration, about her relationship with men in the past, her childhood, her father, her step-mother, her love of dance and all the more fascinating things her flaws might make her become. I've always headcanoned Shannon as someone who gets easily jealous because of her insecurity and her fear of abandonment. She'd prefer to leave than be left. I've always pictured her as being someone really determined to make it as a ballerina because of her height. Or someone who is so determined to not be undermined and wants to be taken seriously, she takes after the other women on the island and picks up a gun and learns to fight.