Melanated and Educated

This is will be a guide for you to overcome anxieties, be more courageous, and optimistic. Writing is one of the beautiful ways to express our emotions and have a conversation with ourselves.

Write it down

Take a blank sheet of paper and write down how you feel now. This is not an essay, you should not be concerned about the words. Your thoughts should flow and all you need to do is write out out as it comes out. This can happen at any moment, don’t set a time or a schedule for it.

Weekly letters

Write a letter to yourself every week. I do this and it helps me a lot. Every week I reflect on the previous week and my expectations for the next week. I write my highlights and my low moments and it is such a beautiful emotion to capture. After a while, you will open these letters and reflect on how things changed or lessons you’ve learned.

Confront your inner child/ past

Use writing to confront your inner child. You will have to write like a kindergarten. Don’t overthink it, don’t make it perfect, add some drawings. Sometimes I draw a trash can and write everything habit I needs to get rid off in it. Try to recollect memories of things you were once bad at or good at. Writing isn’t just about following prompts sometimes you’d have to write about something related to you, that only you have experienced. For example:

I remember when I first got my braces, I looked awkward, it’s amazing how much my looks have changed…

I remember when I was 10 and this golden retriever chased me…

My mom didn’t let me go to sleep overs when I was 8, I wonder what it would have felt like…

I first experience bulling in 8th grade, Jessica was really a mean girl, I wonder if bullies eventually change…

I used to be the most popular girl in high school, but in college I feel so overlooked. It’s crazy how things change.

I don’t like how I look in pictures now, I don’t know if it’s just my eyes,

I used to like baking, why did I stop, when did I stop?…

I was mean to the pizza guy, I feel so bad, it was wrong timing, is it possible for the universe to send apologizes on our behalves?…

Be in the present

Being in the present means acknowledging your feelings, processing your emotions as they occur, expressing yourself, being your own cheer leader, and support system.

What was the highlight of my day?

What would I have changed?

What did I procrastinate on?

What am I looking forward to?

What am I grateful for?

Am I better than I was yesterday?

What did I learn today?

Why was I sad/happy?

An optimistic approach

Writing in an optimistic tone will keep you motivated. It will give you the hope you need. You are looking forward to an event, a proposal, an opportunity, or a moment. Optimism gives you enthusiasm to chase your dreams. Examples of writing with optimism includes.

I am looking forward to a great week because…

I can’t wait for Christmas, there’s just so much to celebrate…

I see myself being a successful women even though I’m not sure of my passion…

In the next five years, I want to travel to every state in America.

It only gets better…

Oh, I can’t wait for fall and all the peace it brings…

I’ll be 24 soon, there’s so much to reflect on…

Confronting the elephant in the room

This will be the difficult part of the writing because you will have to be honest with yourself, it’s tough love here, and you’ll have to hold yourself accountable. Here are prompts that can help:

Are you sure you want to accomplish your goals?

Why do you want a change in your life, if you are not willing to improve?

When was the last time to made a to-do list and followed through?

Have you read a book since the last month?

What is your excuse for not doing your self-care routine?

Do you trust yourself?

What have you started but you’re yet to complete?

I’d love to start a writing therapy class, it will be so interesting :)

With love,

Going to brunch with friends

Solo picnics in the park

Pottery classes, candle making and little hobbies I enjoy

Weekend getaways

A consistent workout routine

Being consistent with skincare

Drinking 80+ oz of water a day

How to tone up and build some muscle. 

#1: Weight train 3x/week minimum. Consistency is key here.  Results are yours for the taking with consistent effort, even if you have a poor workout or are too tired to give it your all on certain days, getting in the gym 3x/week to generate even a little bit of weight-training stimulus will pay off over time.

#2: Train with heavy weights. Ladies, get over your “responsive arms” and “thunder thighs”–lifting enough to coax the muscles into responsiveness and generate soreness is not only a good indication of the degree of muscle break-down a workout generates but also a necessity to build lean mass and achieve fat loss while at rest.  Let your muscles do the fat burning for you.

#3: Train to failure. While you are grabbing that heavy weight, go ahead and make sure it is one that you can lift 10 times, but not 11.  Getting to the point of breathlessness, burning in the muscles and inducing failure with heavy weight all guarantee the hormonal cascade necessary for muscle building and fat-burning: increased lactic acid, growth hormone, testosterone, cortisol, adrenaline–an optimal formula to get the body responsive (more on this here).  Since this is a very intense technique, rotate periods in your training where you don’t train to failure, like adding a light “resting” period when you train with lighter weights for 1-2 weeks and then go back to training to failure in your workouts for 6-8 weeks.  Check out Metabolic Effect’s Rest-based Training Concept for more info on how to use this technique safely and effectively.

#4: Eat protein pre-workout. Here’s where the fat-burning side of the equation comes in…eating 20-30 grams of whey protein 20-30 minutes before a workout, along with ~5g of branched chain amino acids (BCAAs) encourages the body to pull from fat stores to power the workout and preserves muscle being used for energy.  Limit the carbs pre-workout since insulin’s presence in the blood effectively shuts down lipolysis (burning stored fat).

#5: Eat protein (and a little carb) post-weight training workout.  In order to capitalize on your tough weight workout, give your body the amino acids (protein) it needs to repair muscle.  You will also need some carb in order to release insulin (the muscle-building pathway depends on it), however, too much carb will also store fat.  Find your unique Carb Tipping Point to know how many grams you should be getting.  I recommend starting with 20-30g protein and 20-30 grams carbohydrates (depending on your size) post-weights–good choices include bananas, honey, grape juice and white potatoes.

#6: Eat protein (and a little healthy fat) post-cardio workout. After a cardio-only workout, the muscles don’t require the same insulin stimulus as after a weight workout.  In fact, post-cardio is one of the best opportunities to burn fat.  Eating a bunch of carbs after a cardio-only workout may blunt the fat-burning effect of the workout so stick with veggies, lean proteins and even fats.  Here is my favorite post-cardio shake:

In a blender or Vitamix, blend: 20-30 grams egg white protein powder 8 oz unsweetened almond milk 2 tbsp natural peanut butter 5 grams L-glutamine Liquid Stevia to desired sweetness (I use Chocolate flavor) 1 cup ice

#7: Eat all your starchy carbs for the day in your post-workout meal, and the very next 2 small meals. For example, if you weight-train at 6am, you eat carbs with a post-workout meal at 7am, 10am and 1pm.  If you train at 7pm, you eat starchy carbs at 8pm, 6am and 9am the next day, etc.  Your metabolism is elevated for at least the first few hours after the workout is over (maybe longer) and so the best time to capitalize on muscle building and utilize an elevated metabolism to avoid fat storage is in the hours following your workout.  Starchy carbs include foods like potatoes, brown rice, oatmeal, squash, zucchini, pumpkin, whole grains, quinoa, etc.  Consume your designated bites of starch according to your ME Burner Type at each of the meals.  At all other meals (2-3), eat just lean protein and fibrous veggies (greens, etc).  More about Best Carb Choices.

Simply put, I don’t like the woman I am now. I am a manifestation of my parents neglect, insecurities rooted in me since a child, along with suppressed and very obvious trauma. I want to see better, I want to do better, I want to attract better.

In preparation for spring (the actual “New Year”) I am currently throwing away EVERYTHING and starting completely fresh. Clothes, wigs, sheets, I even thought about tossing my diploma not a soul asked me for (not even school, everything is electronic).

This is she, me. Anew

Personality

She is mysterious, yet has a welcoming aura about her. You know she’s not the woman to step to unless it’s worth her time, but intimidating isn’t the feeling that comes over the admirer. She’s playful, actively laughing and playing with her dogs. Publicly and privately. A hopeless romantic, though a seductress first. Her love (and lust) is earned. She’s very hard to get.

Hopeless Romantic

Adventurous

Rebellious

Creative

Bookworm

Athletic

Hobbies

She’s always trying something new to see if she finds something she likes. Fear of dislike is never on her mind. As a curious spirit, she not only has hobbies but works to advance and meet those who share the same hobbies as her

Art museums

Theatre

Cooking & making recipe books to pass down

Scrapbooking

Learning about nature (plants, Survival skills, history)

Baking (for anyone)

Chess

White Wine

Astrology

Teapot Collecting

Reading research articles

Boundaries

Again, she’s very hard to get. Hard to impress. Hard to convince. Hard to plead to. As warm as her aura may be, she’s very no nonsense. She is in tune with her inner voice and intuition, who are the first to advise her about whatever you’re telling her.

No sex before substantial financial/personal commitment

Limited debates, always held with class and even tone. Never arguments or fights

Not surrounding self around people who don’t share the same ambition

I come first. My safety, my priorities and myself, period.

No unannounced guests (gift deliveries excluded)

I don’t entertain conversations with men after a certain time

I am selective about what I choose to listen to, so I cut all unproductive/negative conversations very short

Goals

She is an “overachiever”. Whatever that means.

Purchase first property

Travel to 5th country

Obtaining black dermatologist

Selling select art pieces for over ($XX,XXX)

Approved for American Express Platinum Card

Accepted into Ph.D program

Complete first few books/scripts

Learn Spanish and ASL fluently

I went deep into depth privately, and I highly suggest you do the same. Sometimes, it helps to have an organized, detail breakdown of who you are, who you want to become, and most importantly who are you leaving behind.

Cheers to high maintenance Black girls. May we meet them, may we continue to be them.