make out with > 13 people in the grotto

i feel like something we don’t talk about nearly enough is that the quote “if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known” is from a new york times opinion piece and the context of it being written was that a man emailed all his coworkers photos of a herd of goats he had rented and got sad when one of them accidentally cc’d him back “oof”

anybody wanna be friends with detriments? its like friends with benefits but instead of having sex i just do annoying shit like showing up at your house and smoking a joint in the bathroom when you really need to piss and trying to get you involved in multi level marketing schemes

FUCK NO

edward bannanahands

i jus got back from foolin around w this girl n she had her bed out in the middle of the got-damned nowhere, like not against a wall, not against any wall at all, just in the middle of th fucking room surrounded by this gauzy material shit on a hoop above the bed w some fairy lights all stuck on it for ~aesthetic~ and the whole fuckdamn time i kept thinkin HOW does this woman sleep like this?! monsters come getcha from any and all directions!! snatch u off the bed from the fuckin top, the sides, the bottom NO DIRECTION IS SAFE !! “you wanna stay the night babe?” NO!!! I DO NOT!!! i wanna live thru the night & not wake up to demons caressing my head from your unprotected bed space!! i feel cursed having just fucked on it..! got some dark interloper followin me home hopin i got the same shitty setup!! no sir!! 2 walls for this biché. 4 if i could get em. sleep in a fuckin box w a lil hole cut in it. i need protection!!! 0/10 setup. any type of translucent canopy over a bed is ASKING for a ghost to stand on the other side and watch u sleep. wake up to a hazy outline “o honey is that u?” NO ITS A DEMON. i cannot believe i suffered this tonight. the things i do for a beautiful girl honeSTLY

reverse tooth fairy that robs you and leaves teeth under your pillow

the one thing in life i am genuinely irrationally afraid of is those deer butts taxidermied to look like ape faces they scare the fuck out of me

the proper term is “assquatch” for your information

This is the bizarrely specific meme/humor I’ve been waiting for

Awful House.