noisy throat

meloncholy june

forbidden fruit

love that cannot be sung

love that cannot be expressed

dare I even try

my life is on the line

rocks hit my head till I pretend

I changed my mind

my heart

my lies

your eyes

they flash like a forest fire

I see you even when I try not to

my love

why am I told this is a crime?

I wish we could do this

perhaps in the afterlife

if I'm not forcefully "cured"

until then just know that

I'm yours

and

you're mine

I know you want me

come on and hurt me

I know you want me

come on and kill me

I know you want me

come on and kill me and say it's an honor killing

cause my body is borrowed not owned by me

Ive torn the walls I've scarred my limbs

my landlords is gonna be mad at me

I've painted the floors I've teared out my soul

my god is gonna be mad at me

I don't know what to believe anymore

because my body is a temple nobody is fighting for

nobody yet everything, a pool to shed your memory

could you say you even tried?

you haven't called your family twice

I hope tonight goes differently

but I show up to the party just to leave.

my father never stepped in when his wife would rage at me

so I ended up awkward but sweet

later then, hospitals and I'm still on my feet

comfortably numb but with lithium came poetry

and baby I've been running on startrips alone for so long

I wouldn't know how cruel the world was

hot fire, hot weather, hot coffee

I'm better with you

it's strange but it's true, darling

not to turn into a wildfire, to light up your night

with only my smile and nothing that hurts.

mercury retrograde in my system

blocking my music

I need another fix now

hunger does not do it for me anymore

nor does the color of spilled blood on my bathroom tiles

give me comfort

what can I choose now?

to just lay in silence?

tranquil?

forced to face my ugly thoughts?

to hear the cries of my inner child

neglected?

so far back under landfills and landfills of baggage?

forced to reckon with the fear of my future

if I even have one?

trying to shuffle through neglected problems I thought I could fix with affirmations, green juices

and the bliss of pure starvation.

You don't really need a break

Wanna see what you can take

You should really run away

Other people wouldn't stay

Other people don't obey

You and me are both the same

You should really run away

my middle school friend grew up alone

she raised her brothers on her own,

her parents hated who she loved,

she couldn't wait to go to college,

she was tired cause she was brought into a world where family is merely blood

do you know how proud I am you were created?

with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred?

god I wish you are happier today

I miss you

and I hope that ur ok

I know your face

I havent seen you in some days

it hurts my head, my consciousness is dead

the fact I miss the way it felt...

you're coming back again

don't want you back again

nobody knows when I was young I lost myself in cosmic pills

you're coming back again

don't want you back again

lying to herself cause her liquor's top shelf

it's alarming, honestly, how charming she can be, eating soft ice cream, coney Island queen

she says "you don't wanna be like me, don't wanna see all the things I've seen, I'm dying, I'm dying"

Smiling on him, she beareth him to highest heav'n

With yearning heart

On thee we gaze, O' gold-wing'd messenger of mighty Gods"