You’ve got an intimate relationship with the things that can hurt you - they’re familiar in the same way putting away laundry is. You don’t know when to cut people out of your life and you don’t know when you’re angry. In fact, you’re burning with resentment, anger, but you can’t figure out why and it’s on the backburner so often you forget that you’re even angry. Everyone tends to look past you and the more you think about it, the more you don’t care. You know you can’t be a burning star in everyone’s life but you hate the idea that other people can be. Sometimes, it’s easier to put your phone down and pretend you don’t exist, pretend that staring at the wall will make it all better. It doesn’t.

WHAT THE FUCK

Huh. Anyways

I guess that makes sense-

Tell me why this got so specific and so accurate :‘3

You’re in the center of arguing that has nothing to do with you. It feels like no matter where you go, conflict follows, like a curse. Whether you seek it out or not you’re not willing to admit, but it’s there, it’s there and you hate it. You don’t trust when your life goes without a bump for more than a few months, like you’re in the eye of a hurricane and the calm is going to break. You deserve better than that. You weren’t meant to be like that, you know, you aren’t designed for conflict like that. Conflict isn’t a peronsality trait and the sooner you realize that the sooner you’ll be able to detach yourself from it - and you need to detach yourself from it. It’s not normal to constantly react to things happening to you rather than act for yourself. Isn’t making bad decisions better than none at all? It’ll get you somewhere, at least. You aren’t a drifter - a drifter is for water, and you aren’t drowning. Not if you don’t let yourself.

-Why is that so accurate TT"

Oh…. why is this true

Neptune

This is uh-……no comment honestly.

This thing needs to be burned

Your slippers Sitting beside your bed,

colder.

Bedsheets just as messy as last night.

The alarms rung themselves to sleep.

The first morning after you've taken your life.

The egg you would've fried left alone instead,

older.

Curtains stay stationary forbading light.

Dust flaking off, waiting for you to sweep.

The first afternoon after you've taken your life,

the peppers would have finally been perfectly pickled.

Dresses returning from dry clean unwrinkled.

Parcels you thought were lost would arrive,

The first afternoon after you've taken your life,

Your neighborhood cat would be left alone,

Friends thought you overslept of exhaustion,

Giving you space

House plants wondering how they'll survive.

The first night since you've taken your life,

People you expected will show up,

won't.

Projects will be left unfinished

Texts waiting to be answered,

but they don't

The first night since you've taken your life,

People will be mourning,

Some holding their breaths to prevent tears,

Yet time will heal them.

Soon you'll be burried

in some hearts,

Many, many people celebrated Pulse. We were told we deserved it. That it was God’s punishment for our sin of loving the same sex. We are sent messages like these I received in 2018:

We in the community often call the victim count 49+ to include the survivors who couldn’t live with the pain.

The event was never officially declared a hate crime or targeted homophobic attack and is rarely listed as one in databases.

At our vigils for those slaughtered, Extremist Christian groups showed up to protest, holding signs like this:

ID: Me kissing a woman I was casually seeing in front of an angry looking man with a “Sodomy is Sin” sign.

Please understand how much more than just a mass shooting this was. We are still to this day harassed and told we deserved it by some.

"no, no. my best friend, johnny, his dad was a big drunk. so he hated all that stuff. parties too."

"and where is johnny tonight?"