Word crimes I have personally witnessed
Since my early days on the internet, I have kept a file where where I record phrases that people have said on the internet that have really razed my hackles.
βThanks for your inciteful commentsβ
Are you thanking me for starting a flame war?
This is what you have when youβre a pedestrian in a crosswalk.
Sometimes the monarch offers you a 100% discount.
Theyβre very dainty hands.
Some people might be turned incorporeal in situations like this, but not me.
Theyβre beautiful sources. Gaze upon them and appreciate their splendor.
βThis peaked my interestβ
Now that my interest is at the summit, it can only go down.
The horse is in charge now.
βFor all intensive purposesβ
These purposes are quite vigorous
Iβm sowing six feet deep.
Iβm very well-hydrated before dinner.
Iβm going to articulate this entirely using gestures.
βIβm honing in on your locationβ
You probably went through a lot of whetstones on the way here.
The opposite of bad breath: itβs such a pleasant odor that few can resist its allure.
Young Frankensteinβs assistant should have been willing to pay for this instead of stealing a brain from the university laboratory.
Sometimes those summits can really catch you off guard.
I assume this is what tugboat operators do.
Sometimes a stench is terrible enough to cause chaos.
You owe me performance royalties for using that phrase. I charge $50 per say.
This happens earlier in the winter, especially after Daylight Saving Time ends in November.
Not to be confused with a fowl swoop, this one is probably up to no good.
You should keep your shredded cabbage in the fridge after adding the mayo.
Iβm paying close attention to the location of the applause.
Where we keep our OSHA-compliant gear.
βI donβt want to take this for granite.β
Of course not, itβs clearly bismuth.
βTenants of the faithβ
Iβm pretty sure itβs a violation of city code for a non-residential church building to charge rent.
βComing down the pipeβ
You donβt want to know whatβs in the plumbing.
The forklift operator is expected to use this to keep things sanitary.
Iβm going to attack my nemesis using this syringe.
βStatue of limitationsβ
Carved marble can last a very long time before expiring.
Iβll case the joint, then gesture with my finger to draw your attention to anything suspicious.
Rock climbers carry bags that are like this.
βIβm going to pour over the dataβ
Please donβt spill your coffee on spreadsheets.
βThatβs just an old wise taleβ
You shouldnβt be so dismissive of elderly wisdom!
Old Jeremiah is always up to funny business.
βDon't give me short shiftβ
If you're getting paid by the hour, you don't want your employer to send you home early.
βThis peeked my interestsβ
That sounds like an invasion of privacy.
titsay
prguitarman
jacobvanloon
gummygunk
blakekathryn
tangentwithtanner
