YOU CAN'T KILL ME, I'M NOT ALIVE.

life is too hard. it’s too hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i would like to be a cloud. 

But what if the children LIKED to eat lead paint. That's their CHOICE.

The child says they will kill themselves unless we give them a lobotomy. We must obviously give the lobotomy. Or they will order an ice pick online with cutesy anime girl packaging.

Have you considered getting mental help?

Thanks, Ace-Pervert, I've never considered that. I'll look into it asap. Let's hope I'm not prescribed to have perfectly healthy and necessary organs removed and then have to be on pills or injections for the rest of my life.

Update I've been scheduled for my chemical castration and lobotomy but luckily the surgeon is letting me bundle them for a massive deal. Can't wait to finally become my true self via paying $100,000 to people who surely have my best intentions hidden in their open pockets

Update I have necrotizing fasciitis

"There's no platonic explanation for this" <-you need to be nicer to your friends. Right now

Damn, that's useful

Commenting "God isn't real, stupid" on a post of someone asking for prayers for a sick family member doesn't make you seem like a smarter, more intelligent individual, it just makes you sound like a raging, hateful loser lmao

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

My favorite is when someone say “ya know?” And I respond with “unfortunately”. Gets me every time.

i got that dog in me but it's poorly socialized and i don't take it on as many walks as i should

i’m gonna cry it’s raining right now and i just passed by a family where both parents were without an umbrella but their kid who couldn’t have been older than like 3-4 was proudly holding this GIANT umbrella whose diameter was as tall (if not taller) as the kid. both the parents were getting absolutely drenched but u could tell the kid was just so happy to have an “adult” task and carry the umbrella themselves and i think that sacrifice is what love is all about

This stupid exchange between friends has become a cultural icon.

This text thread brought us into a new age

Holy shit, the original