President of the Thunderhoof Fan Club

I DRIVE A CHEVROLET MOVIE 

she overcame her initial fear in order to buy him a proper set up and take care of him until she found the rat a reliable owner, who… ended up being Guillermo del Toro for some reason?

Griffin: [dismissively] Well, they’d–

Justin: Once he, bests his minions.

Griffin: –they would be Pokeballs, and also it’s not a kid delivery, this’n–there’s no fuckin’ guarentee that a kid that comes [intense] INTO THE BEGINNING of my crucible… makes it to the END of it undefeated. [beat, stammering] In fact, I–I’d say–I’m gonna pack–I’m gonna stack this gym! With fuckin’ PROS. I-It’s gonna–It’s going to be… It’s–It’s gonna be brutal. It’s going to be a torture chamber.

Travis: What–well, what’s the theme? What’s the theme, are you like–is it a Bug theme, is it–

Griffin: [thickest, most annoyed sarcasm imaginable] YEAH TRAVIS, UH, UH, UH, UUUHYEAH TRAV! I’M GONNA OPEN UP A ~Bug-type~ Pokemon gym! You idiot! Yeah, that’s what I want, because I want to give out–I wanna–I wanna shit out badges for every… ham and egger that comes to my front door!

Justin: [laughing]

Griffin: Yeah, that’s right Travis! [doofus voice] “Go, Caterpie!” [normally] That’s me, you fucking imbecile. [bad Justin Roiland impression] “Yeuh go… do your best, Kakuna!” [normally, smile in voice] What are you fucking talki–?! Yeah, Bug-type gym.

[beat]

Travis: …alright, um, I’m gonna go, I’ve embarrassed myself.

Justin: …maybe Fire? Fire-type, could you do Fire-type?

Travis: Fire-based? Make it a–

Griffin: Yeah, yeah, I’ll probably just… that’s a good idea Justin, I’ll probably just do a Fire-type one, so that [angry screaming] ONE KID WITH ONE BLASTOISE CAN FUCK UP MY WHOLE SHOP. 

Justin: [laughing quietly]

Griffin: Killed all of us with one Blastoise, huh? Wow, shit, I shoulda… 

Justin: Yeah, I don’t–

Travis: Just do Rock, then! Just do Rock-type!

Internal Affairs Investigator: I’m not sure how that’s a good use of tax doll-

Commissioner Gordon: *slaps roof* You know how much overtime I don’t have to pay on account of this bad boy?

Internal Affairs Investigator: Yeah, but still–

Commissioner Gordon: I just turn it on, and instead of paying a whole precinct time-and-a-half to never see their families, a guy dressed as a bat punches whoever we’re looking for a bunch of times and dumps them in the parking lot.

Internal Affairs Investigator: That’s not–

Commissioner Gordon: Sometimes I fire it up just to see who we get.  It’s like having a cat that brings you guys with twenty warrants out for their arrest instead of dead birds.

Internal Affairs Investigator: Okay, but you can’t tell people that.  Like, we can’t say it out loud.