skim/andras

when i was younger i had a really bad fear of danny devito when i was going to sleep so my older brother gave me a watch that he set to like 8 hours ahead so that it was always daytime on the watch when i was asleep and he told me it would confuse danny devito and he would think it was daytime and get scared of the sun and leave me alon

Your brother is the best

Who the fuck changed this from vampires to Danny devito

the real question is why I was completely ready to accept that this person had a debilitating childhood fear of Danny Devito

What if you poked me in the chest and your finger broke through like you were cracking into a rotted plank of wood and dust came out and I just crumpled into nothing and my spores got into your nose

I would not hang out with you again that's for sure!

Well there you have it!

they dont know im almost done stacking all the concepts in the world on top of each other

a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant “two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’” “got it. check my dashboard” “that skeleton gif you like is back again” he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”

They'll sap your body of its strength, those blankets... And as soon as you succumb to the bed, the pillows will tear what little consciousness you have to shreds.

my friends hate this video so much i don’t even have to repost it in discord anymore i’ll just be in a voice call and go “wouldn’t it be crazy if the joker could beatbox” and they all tell me to go kill myself