SirianaSims

Shame was a hell of a thing. And Alice felt a lot of it. 

She steals a quick look at her boyfriends. Somehow, the two of them had decided without any verbal communication that she needed space. They were stretched out on the ground, fussing, peppering each other with soothing touches.

But also, non-soothing touches.

“Don’t fuckin’ hiss at me; I just asked about your head,” Akira huffs, snatching his hand back.

Vlad snaps his teeth and chuckles. “I am sure you’ll find it to your liking. But if not, I’ll create a rating system. Color-coded. You can use it to advise me on how to improve my technique.”

“Vladislaus.”

“If you’re fishing for a compliment about your ability to give head, I suspect you’ll be perfectly adequate.”

Akira sits up, his eyes flashing. “Godsdamn it, I’m not talking about—”

“Yes, yes, I know. Lie back down. You’re so surly,” he rubs the center of Akira’s chest, “Everything worked out. Your plan was as good as it could be under the circumstances.”

“I underestimated them,” Akira grumbles, but he does, in fact, settle back down.

“Well, yes. So did I,” Vlad strokes his cheek. “I’m relatively sure they shredded my brain. I didn’t even know what was real.” He pauses, his tone turning curious. “Do you think they’ll teach me?”

“I think I should have had a contingency that wasn’t putting you in the direct line of fire.”

Vlad presses a soft kiss to his cheek. “Putting me in the direct line of fire is always a good idea. I like it there. Even better when you tackle someone to the ground and save me.”

For whatever reason, those words calm Akira. There was something between them that Alice would never be able to touch, something fundamental in the unspoken language between them. Part of her wants to join, to snuggle in and feel some relief, however short-lived it is. But she doesn’t have the bandwidth. As per usual, she was in a shitty situation because she wanted to ignore the reality of what was going on. In fact, the entire crux of her plan was predicated on it. 

It was a horror to hear her ex’s voice in her head again. He was a monster who beat her and gaslit her into oblivion, but he was right about one thing:

She was completely unserious.  

Evan had dragged himself from another world to ask her to do the impossible. He’d been chased, terrorized, and now left to hold his own in a courtroom half-full of undead enemies just because she needed a time-out.

Why was she like this?

“The sheer scale of your naked statue is astounding,” Vlad says as he takes a seat in front of her. He clearly wants to make her laugh, but she can’t find the humor.

“Yeah. If I didn’t already know what a joke I am, my vagina being the size of a cathedral door is a good reminder.” 

He considers that. “So, you don’t like them?”

“Do you?” Alice shifts so she’s no longer resting on her knees. 

If Jefferey knew a naked statue of her existed, he would have lost his mind.

“It doesn’t matter what I think; I’m not a god and fundamentally speaking, I don’t understand art,” Vlad replies. He puts his hand on his heart and gives her a somewhat teasing look. “Akira is a deeply vain creature, though, so he can probably see the appeal.”

Akira scoffs and moves to join them. “Whoever told you naked statues are a problem can get fucked,” he scowls, sitting down. “Sims are such prudes. They act like seeing someone’s tits is gonna kill them. If you like them, go off.” 

It occurs to Alice then that she’s never thought about whether she likes them. “I can’t even control a trial in my own damn realm; why does anyone give a shit what I think about some statues?” 

Becoming Death made her think for one moment that she was special. That some greater entity saw something beautiful in all her messiness and chose her not despite it, but because of it. 

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s just new,” Akira says, trying to calm her. 

“New? I’m a god!” Alice exclaims, “And I needed you guys to save me!”

Vlad arches a brow. “Let’s not oversell the rescue, Magpie. I pushed a small child to the ground to break an enchantment, and Akira punched who I presume to be her father in the face.” 

Alice frowns. “Oh, right. That was kind of shitty.”

“Agreed, not my finest hour.”

“I’m okay with it,” Akira shrugs.

“You would be,” Vlad narrows his eyes. 

“You’re missing the point,” Alice insists, jumping up. She clutches at her hair, grabbing the curls in clumps. “I was desperate and way out of my depth. I needed help because I’m pathetic. And meanwhile, you guys just showed up because you know what you’re doing.” 

“Is that a joke?” Akira looks perplexed. “I didn’t get here by myself. I needed backup. I had two…friends,” he stumbles over the word, “who had to calm me down and keep me from murdering Wes to hijack his soul into the Netherworld.”

“What?” Alice’s jaw drops.

“Nothing. It’s fine. Listen, the point is, I was losing my shit and running on empty. I got my ass kicked getting here, but I didn’t get killed because I had help.”

Alice looks to Vlad for confirmation. “It’s true. He had a whole little battle contingent with him. Though I, for one, did not need assistance.”

“Vladislaus!” Akira snaps.

For a second, he looks bereft. Everyone thinks Vlad is an open book because he’s so willing to volunteer his every insane thought. But truthfully, he was sensitive. It took a lot to peel back his layers. “I was lost in the dark,” he says quietly. “And Akira found me. You don’t need to be ashamed of needing help”

Alice blinks back tears. “So why do I feel like this then? And don’t just say it’s a lot.”

Akira takes a deep breath. “Do you know what I thought when you first insisted you were a god?”

Akira was going to say something kind, and she didn’t want it. What if he changed his mind later? Then all those compliments would be clanging around in her brain. Better to keep things light. She bites her lip. “That I was a baddie and you’d be lucky to get a chance to try some of this god pussy?”

He laughs. “Okay, yeah, but also that I’m an idiot for not seeing it. Of course, you like to be close to the ground. Of course your emotions swing wildly in all directions. You’re beholden to souls, you’re beholden to prayers, you’re the maker of endings.”

Alice sniffs. “You make it sound so poetic.”

“It is poetic. You know why it's so hard? Because some days you are grief incarnate, you’re fury and pain and fear and exhaustion. It must be like a constant storm inside of you, but here you are, laughing and joking and telling my happy ass what’s what.”

“And I have wings,” Alice sniffs again. “That’s pretty cool, even if I keep popping them out of my back by accident and knocking things over.” She wipes her face, trying to dry her tears. “Ugh, this was not very ‘death’ of me. I really have to get my shit together before I go back.”

Vlad smiles. “Please, Magpie. You are Death. However you are is how Death is. And you can do what you want.”

“I hear what you’re saying, but there is a higher power than me. What if the Divine Creators strike me down for not following the ritual?”

“They won’t.” Akira huffs.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. None of your skeleton friends fuckin’ listen,” he growls.

“Because they’re lying to you,” Vlad adds. “Their metaphorical ears work just fine.” 

Akira rolls his eyes. “Okay, I was trying not to bring the mood down with that, but yeah. They’re fuckin’ liars. I listened to Bryan’s little rant. The only thing the Divine decreed was that you had to participate in a ritual and pass judgment. Everything else is open to your interpretation. You could make Vlad the permanent counsel for The Determined, you could add ten more rules, you could host a fuckin’ dance party.”

Alice laughs. It’s half a sob, but it’s half-joy too. “Really? I like dance parties. And I like Evan. I don’t want anyone eating his soul or eating his husband’s soul.”

“Then they won’t. Whatever you want to do in that courtroom, we have your back, yeah?” 

Feeling lighter than air, Alice squeals and jumps into his arms. “Okay, good. And I didn’t mean for my ascension to godhood to make date night so difficult.”

He nuzzles her nose. “Trust me. You were not more difficult than Vladislaus.”

“Flattery,” Vlad says after Akira sets her down, “Will get you everywhere.” 

The three of them cuddle together, and it's the safest Alice has felt all evening. “I’m glad you guys are here.”

“You know,” Vlad whispers conspiratorially, “I think we’ll all feel better after you grant Evan's request and smite the ever-loving shit out of your courtroom.”

[AKIRA]

Akira has only been in the Netherworld for a couple of hours, but already, he knows that everyone in Alice’s orbit is full of shit. It wasn’t clear exactly why they were lying to her. The place had a strange relationship with the Embodiments.

Actually, her realm had a strange relationship with a lot of beings, including Edith, but the Embodiments were the bigger problem. So far, he hadn’t learned much beyond their names. Discord was Eris, Grief was Oizys, Agony was Algea, Anxiety was Curae, and Asceplius was Disease.

Oh, and he knew they wielded the things they were named for like a weapon. Bryan kept insisting they were Alice’s powers, and they wanted to help, but it was obvious she didn’t control them, and the word “want” was doing a heavy lift. 

“They don’t seem helpful,” Alice points out. “Why would I want them at this trial? They’re just gonna rile me up!”

“Technically, they’ll rile everyone,” Bryan corrects in a way that sets Akira’s teeth on edge. “No one is immune to the Embodiments on account of Asceplius.” 

“What does that even mean?” Alice scowls. 

“It means she’s an amplifier,” Akira answers. 

Bryan looks both surprised and offended. 

In a lot of ways, Vlad was right, Akira was absolutely a neanderthal. But he wasn’t stupid. And he knew magic. “Who directs them?”

Bryan gasps. “How did you—”

“You’re talking about animism.”

“I…yes, but—”

Akira’s patience is wearing thin. “This form is not what they are. Grief is not a dude in a blue suit. Agony is not some skeleton-looking motherfucker. Pretty sure Disease ain’t actually an emo chick in leather pants. Magic gives them a shape, but if they don’t have a purpose, they’d be hard-pressed to maintain it.”

He fixes Bryan with a dark look. “Someone or something gives them purpose because if they were doing it themselves, I would actually be enjoying my date instead of sitting here with you bony bastards”

Bryan straightens. He doesn’t have facial expressions, but the rage rolls off him. “They have purpose!” 

It’s the first completely true thing he’s said so far. Akira tucks that piece of information away. 

“And anyway, you’re asking a ridiculous question,” he continues indignantly, “You’ve already been told that they are powers of Death.”

“Yeah, but I don’t direct them.” Alice folds her arms and turns to Bryan’s siblings. “Mostly they make me feel crazy, and then someone else directs me away from them.” 

Akira stands, enjoying the show. Admittedly, because he’s fucked up individual, he loses himself whenever Alice or Vlad needs something. Few things feel as good as them turning to him for comfort. But nothing compared to watching them wield their power with full confidence. 

Whatever look Alice is giving the skeletons has them shrinking back, and he is here for it.

Bryan, of course, ruins the moment. “Well, technically, it didn’t happen. Your feelings aren’t real; they’re just—”

“Okay, you can fuck off,” Akira snaps. He looks at the other skeletons. “James, you’re up. Who controls the Embodiments?”

“Edith’s been administering the Netherworld in Alice’s absence. She’s the one who put up the wanted posters for you and Vladislaus.”

Akira frowns. “The what?”

“There’s a reward.” James twists their hands nervously. “You’re supposed to be killed on sight and tossed out to the in-between, so you can’t cause problems. She said you’re omens.”

Well, that was hilarious. And short-sighted. If they really thought Vlad and Akira were threats they should have sent an assassin to the mortal world years ago. Instead they were posting signs and wagging their fingers after the fact. What was this? Amateur hour? 

“If it were up to me, I would’ve sent an assassin to the mortal realm before you even met her,” Missy huffs. 

Akira can’t help but smile. Finally, someone was using some common sense. “An assassin skilled in magic?”

“Too easy for you to track,” she lifts a shoulder. “I’d want a weapons professional. Someone who can get in close range and use knives with a paralyzing agent, all smooth like.” 

“This conversation is hardly appropriate,” Bryan hisses. “We’re getting distracted. There is an order to the ritual. We should be focusing on that.”

“No,” Akira shifts his attention to Alice. “But while we’re on the topic, we need to make sure you’re distracted so they can’t pull you in.” 

“Oh, I can avoid paying attention like a champ, but I don’t think that’s enough. They had no problem getting to me last time, and I wasn’t even aware they existed. Edith has to direct them to focus on something else.” She glances towards the conference room where Vlad is meeting with his client.

“You have an idea?”

“Maybe,” Alice drags out the word, forcing him to hang on every syllable. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Akira grins and stretches his hands behind his head. “I think if Edith is anything like our uptight blue-hat-wearing bag of bones here, then we have the perfect creature to draw her attention.” 

[EVAN]

The conference room was somehow both completely mundane and terrifying at the same time. Gruesome paintings of staff members hung from the walls, testifying to their accolades even as blood dripped from their eyes and sharp teeth burst from their mouths. 

Evan watches warily as Death’s creepier boyfriend leans his elbows on the table. “I’m going to ask you a series of questions,” he begins in his crisp accent. “And I want you to reply as fast as you can, honestly or not. I don’t actually care. Sims and their wavy-gravy relationship with truth isn’t really my business.” 

It’s a crazy thing to say. But before Evan can ponder it, Vladislaus spits out the first question. “Have you ever stolen anything?”

Immediately, Evan finds himself flustered. “Um, maybe. I don’t know. A pen?” he stumbles through a rambling explanation, but Vlad cuts him off mid-way.

“Wrong. You should say ‘define stolen.’ Does no one in your world ask for clarification?” He squints, “Gods, the imprecision of your conversations must be exhausting. Next question: Do you fear oblivion?”

“What?! Why would I—why is that even...?!”

“Good, that level of panic is perfect. Oblivion deserves our respect. Keep that energy.”

The questions continue in this manner until Evan is so confused, he begs Vladislaus to stop. “What are we doing?”

“Prepping for the trial.” Vlad looks perplexed. “Do you not understand what’s happening here? Are you addled?” He frowns briefly, “Don’t answer that; it will absolutely reflect poorly on me and my legal prowess. Next question: what do you value most?”

It should be an easy question, but truthfully, Evan is so exhausted and mystified by Vladislaus that he doesn’t even know how to answer. Should I try to be clever? Should I be honest? Should I lie? Vlad said he didn’t care, but everyone else seemed to think lying was a bad idea. 

It was hard to know what answer would keep him from being eaten, so in the end, Evan goes with the only answer he knew to be true—the simple truth: Jayden. 

Jayden is the one thing he values most. He loves him. He'd do anything for him.

Vladislaus looks pleased. “That is the only answer that matters.”

It’s unsettling, certainly, but Vlad’s smile seems genuine. They share a few quiet moments, and while Evan doesn’t feel hopeful, exactly, he does feel relieved. “How do you know so much about the Netherworld’s legal system?”

Vlad pauses and then laughs. In fact, he laughs so long that Evan begins to fear that he is a dead man for sure. “You are adorable. Next question: Have you ever danced with a ghost?”

“What?”

“Let’s talk dragons.” Vlad changes the subject so quickly Evan’s head spins. “Hypothetically, if a dragon threatened your boyfriend and kicked his ass, what would be the best way to go about killing it?”

Before Evan can answer, the door to the conference room swings open. Akira strolls in scowling. “Vladislaus, do not piss me off. I told you we are not doing shit about that dragon. We want to talk about the plan for Evan’s defense.”

Clearly excited, Vlad claps his hands. “Delightful. I love plans. Speaking of which, have I mentioned that I need a suit?”

“Do I look like I’m running a fuckin’ retail establishment? You have clothes, and for the record, you love to foil plans. But not this time. This time, you’re gonna do everything I tell you.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“You get to be the center of attention.”

Vladislaus’s smile is slow. “I love being the center of attention.”

Akira smirks. “Yeah. I know.”

“I think Vlad would look cute in a suit.” Alice gives Evan a warm smile and a wave. “Hi Evan! Ready for Judgement?”

Decimation is the process of selectively destroying parts of a digital object to reduce its polycount while preserving its overall appearance. It's very important for CC creators to understand and use this tool, because the game has a couple tricks up its sleeve to help save processing power while rendering scenes, and the primary one is LODs.

LOD stands for Level Of Detail. LODs are numbered, beginning with 0, and the lower the number, the greater the level of detail (and the greater the polycount!)

When you position your game camera right next to an item, the game uses LOD 0, the best and most-detailed model available. But when you move the camera a little further away, it switches LOD 0 for LOD 1, which has a lower polycount. Move the camera even further, and LOD 1 gets switched out for LOD 2. The furthest-away objects will be rendered using LOD 3, the least-detailed version of the object. Switching an object too far away to be seen in detail for a lower poly version reduces the strain on your computer, which makes it vital for making deco sims.

LODs aren't the game developer's only trick, though!

Left: the diffuse map for my deco sim. Notice how the sleeves have folds and shadows painted on and compare that to the mostly-smooth 3D model visible on the pictures of the complete sim above. Right: the normal map for my sim, which is used to help create the three-dimensional appearance.

For certain objects, certain graphic design tricks can create the illusion of depth and texture on a simple model. For example, a lot of "pockets" on EA clothes are essentially painted on, with fake flaps and buttons. Most objects also have a "normal" map or "bump" map, which is a flat color (usually purple-ish) that uses greens and reds to create the impression of raised and lowered areas. These correspond to the highlights and shadows on the object, and the game uses both in concert to create more of a 3D effect. In fact, game designers will often use normalmapping to "restore" some of the texture and details lost by decimating a complex mesh.

Putting all this together: you can "save" on your deco sims' polycounts by decimating the mesh and adding in a normal map to restore some of the lost detail.

Here we have two decos next to two "living" sims. You can tell which ones are deco sims and which ones are "alive," but can you tell which deco Sim is higher poly?

Most deco sim creators don't decimate at all when creating LOD 0. The highest LOD will have the exact same polycount as a normal sim but still look like an unnerving wax dummy due to the aforementioned lighting differences. However, a decimated mesh with a normal map looks almost identical to an undecimated mesh in that they both look equally unnerving and waxen.

Fortunately, if you're creating a Deco Sim with the sim ripper method, you already have both your diffuse and normal maps right at hand. SimRipper spits out four files: a .dae file (used for importing the sim into blender), and four .png files: the diffuse texture, the normalmap, and the specular map. You can delete the spec map right away, but the diffuse will become your texture for different swatches, and the normalmap will be uploaded in the appropriate slot in Sims 4 Studio:

Most ripped sims are between 15k and 20k polys, assuming you use mostly EA items or Maxis Match CC (alpha CC often has a MUCH higher polycount), which means that undecimated deco sims will have the same for their highest LOD. Decimating (70-80% is usually a good ratio) brings that polycount down to 10-14k, which will be easier to load and use.

Now this method isn't perfect. If you know what to look for, decimated deco sims often have noticeable mesh issues, including holes in the mesh and visible seams. I think this is a worthwhile trade-off, since deco sims are unlikely to show up in the foreground of screenshots and no one will be able to see these issues!

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[TRANSCRIPT]

(Upstairs in the abandoned house next to Quoth Cafe, Darling and Morgan are tied up on the floor, guarded by a vampire. Low groaning sounds as they slowly return to consciousness. More vampires are talking just outside the room. One is carrying a body to an ice freezer. The other two argue over a sim passed out on the floor)

[NIKITA]: Why would we freeze her if she’s not dead? We leave her here; she wakes up later, and we move on.

[ARI]: Because then the blood will be extra fresh. Do I tell you how to eat your meals?

(Downstairs, more vampires wait, talking to each other using telepathy)

[JARON]: I don’t know why you’re complaining.

[SAVANNA]: I’m not complaining. I just want to know why we’re first on the line.  

[AUBREY]: We’re first on the line because we’re the best. And some of us have unfinished business. Ryker, how close are they?

[RYKER]: Just outside the room, in the hall. 

(In the front hall, Akira and JJ prepare for an ambush. They DO NOT have telepathy, but they have been working together for a long time)

[AKIRA]: You go left, I’ll go right. We hit ‘em hard and fast and get them to clear out.

[JJ]: ???

[AKIRA]: Never mind. 

[AKIRA]: Look, whoever doesn’t want to get stabbed should get the fuck out now!

(Meanwhile, in the cafe next door, Vlad and Cora are sitting at a small table, enjoying their coffee and cinnamon rolls)

[VLAD]: So, given your previous romantic entanglement, what exactly would you say is Akira’s trauma around control?

[CORA]: I…what? I’m not going to answer that.

[VLAD]: Fine. Can we talk about your gun? I’m interested in getting access to one.

[CORA]: Why do you need a gun? You ate like 30 witches. 

[VLAD]: 36. 

[CORA]: What even are you?

[VLAD]: Bored. Do you think Akira is forcing me to sit on the sidelines because he wants to break up?

(Back at the abandoned house, the fight continues. Vampires swarm both JJ and Akira. Aubrey leaps through the air, JJ growls as he tackles Savanna, and Jaron runs to her aid. Akira fulfils his promise, drawing out a knife and using it to stab Ryker in the neck)

[AUBREY]: Incoming!

[AKIRA]: Maybe you didn’t hear my announcement, shithead. Or maybe you just like getting stabbed in the neck. 

(In the cafe, Vlad and Cora continue their conversation)

[VLAD]: It’s not that I’m not allowed in the weapons shed, it’s that I need to prove I’m sane before I can access it again.

[CORA]: I don’t think you could ever prove that you’re sane.

[VLAD]: Exactly what I said. Bloodvein claims he gets messages from aliens, and my mother doesn’t stop him if he wants to take a machete for a spin.

(Fighting continues at the house. Akira gets the jump on Savanna after JJ knocks her over. He stabs her in the mouth with his knife as she tries to call for backup. Ryker is in the corner, clutching his neck, panicked gurgles escaping as he waits for the injury to heal. Meanwhile, JJ is trying to hold off Aubrey and Jaron, who have taken a tag team approach. He manages to get one good hit to Jaron’s jaw. Vlad and Cora are still in the cafe. Neither has touched the sticky buns, but their coffee is nearly gone)

[VLAD]: I think one of my biggest issues is that I’ve only had sex once, and I didn’t really like it. The sweat? The breathing? Ugh.

[CORA]: Vlad, I'm begging you. We do not have to talk about—

[VLAD]: But Alice and Akira have unlocked something in me, and now I fear that horniness is going to kill me.

(Cutting back to the house briefly, Jaron has tackled Akira to the ground and is working on getting the knife out of his hand. Aubrey has also brought JJ down and is teasing him as she tries to get her fangs into his neck. Ryker’s throat has healed enough for him to shout for backup)

[JARON]: I told Markus I never liked you!

[AKIRA]: Feeling is mutual. Get offa me!

[AUBREY]: Come on, JJ, just one little bite. I know you have a thing for blondes.

[RYKER]: CODE RED! IT’S AKIRA!!!

(Back in the cafe, Cora wishes she could disappear from this conversation)

[CORA]: I…I don’t think you can die from horniness.

[VLAD]: Well, I can’t really die at all, Cora, it’s a metaphor.

(Upstairs in the abandoned house, the other vampires have gotten the message and are discussing their next move, given the identity of who is attacking downstairs)

[JENNIFER]: Holy shit! Did he just say Akira? I miss that asshole.

[NIKITA]: I don't. Come on, let’s wrap this up. I do not want to hear Markus’s mouth about his precious baby.

(At the cafe, Vlad is finally getting under Cora’s skin in a bad way. They finished their drinks and moved to the couch area. But when he pushes too far, she storms out)

[VLAD]: Do you find the unresolved sexual tension between you and the wolf frustrating, or is that just your kink?

[CORA]: What? I’m not…we’re not…that’s none of your business!

[VLAD]: I think if you fucked you’d feel better. Plus, he seems stable. Take it from me, when you’re unhinged, you need a man who will put up with your shit.

[CORA]: I am not gonna sit here and listen to this.

[VLAD]: Storming off does nothing. I have a deep and unwavering commitment to my friends even at their worst. 

[CORA]: How can we be friends? We just met, and I don’t even think I like you. 

[VLAD]: I would never let a petty thing like your complete disdain for me ruin our friendship. 

[CORA]: Whatever. I am not unhinged. 

[VLAD]: You’re voluntarily helping your ex-boyfriend and acting like the sight of him doesn’t fill you with rage, even though you tried to get a dragon to kill him. 

[CORA]: I’m not acting like I’m not angry! I shot him in the stomach.

[VLAD]: For rage reasons?

[CORA]: No. Because he was being annoying and endangering others. 

[CORA]: Rhygo was mad on my behalf. I paid her not to kill him, because it wasn’t all his fault. I knew what we had wasn’t real.

[VLAD]: Then my point stands. Emotionally speaking, you’re a mess. Fuck that werewolf and let him become the perfect counterbalance to your volatile nature.

(Nikita and Jennifer make their way downstairs in the abandoned house. Chaos awaits them. JJ argues with Nikita and kicks her into a wall. Akira stabs Jaron in the eye. Savanna is out cold. They shout until they get everyone’s attention)

[JJ]: It was one date. And I don’t have a thing for blondes.

[AUBREY]: Two! We went on two dates, you jackass!

[NIKITA]: ENOUGH!!!! Everyone, stand down.

[AKIRA]: Fine. Not like this was a real fight anyway. Ryker’s in the corner, crying like a little bitch, grabbing his stomach. I stabbed you in the neck, jackass.

[RYKER]: Shut up. You conjured a knife, you cheatin’ ass motherf—

[NIKITA]: Grow up, Ryker. And don’t accuse the fae of cheating. Akira, you and the pup agree to end this fight, and we all walk away now.

[JJ]: Really, Nikita? "Pup"? Come on!

[JENNIFER]: That’s what we call you if you can’t survive a third date with Aubrey. Now, Akira, are you taking the deal, or are you gonna fight us for the mortals?

[AKIRA]: What? I don’t give a shit about a bunch of sims. Take your meal and fuck off. I got things to do. 

[NIKITA]: Same old Akira. Hope the Devil’s treating you well. You can always come back home, you know.

[JENNIFER]: Yeah, Markus would be delighted. We’ll give him your regards. He misses you.

“So?” Barbara asked to break the silence.

Mikey sat across from her, running his finger through the condensation on his water glass with his brows pulled tight and his mouth pressed in a thin line like he’s trying to keep the words from spilling out, words he was desperate to tell her only yesterday.

Finally, he looked at her, opened his mouth, and let out a rush of air along with a single word, “So…”

And, like, really? He was really going to torture her like this? She wanted to grab him and shake him, but she shoved the impulse aside because they were in public, and instead pummeled him with questions, “What are we doing here, Mikey? What do you want to talk about? Where have you been for the last month?”

He sat up straighter then, wiped his hands on his jeans and said, “I’ll tell you. I promise. But can we talk about you first?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, how are classes? Work? Are you doing okay?”

She stared at him incredulously. Something weird had been going on with him lately. She didn’t like it. She also didn’t like the implication in his tone. “I’m fine. I am capable functioning without you.”

“I never said you weren’t. I’m just checking in. I know I haven’t been around much, and I’m sorry for that, but it doesn’t mean I don’t still care.”

She deflated a bit at that. At the softness in his eyes and the sincerity in his voice. Sometimes it was impossible to hold on to her anger around him. She nodded slightly, conceding that perhaps a conversation would be more effective than an interrogation. For now. “I’m doing good. A couple of classes have been tough, and it’s been hard to focus on studying. The house is too quiet without you there. But it’s nothing I can’t handle. Mostly, I just miss you.”

“I miss you too.” He gave her a small smile that she couldn’t help but return.

Their waitress, a bubbly woman with dark hair pulled high into a messy bun, showed up then. She set their tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches in front of them with a smile and told them to give her a holler if there’s anything else they need before disappearing into the familiar hustle and bustle of the diner.

“So,” Mikey said around a bite of his sandwich, “are you going to tell me about that guy at the library?”

Barbara stopped mid-opening a packet of saltines and looked up at him. He crooked an eyebrow at her, and she thought about playing dumb, but knew it wouldn’t get her very far. She crushed the crackers into her soup and stirred them around as she answered, “Nothing to tell really. I don’t know him. I just think he’s… interesting.”

“Interesting?”

“Yeah. I mean, he goes to Britechester, but he studies at the public library four days a week rather than the university library. He’s studying microbiology, but he’s always pouring through books about Selvadorada. The culture, geography, rare plants, myths, all kinds of stuff. He’s so focused and smart and quiet. So quiet. I’ve never heard him speak. But he stares off sometimes and I can tell his mind is just spinning with thoughts, and I want to know every one of them. I want to be the person he tells all his thoughts to.” She stopped. Her face felt like it was on fire. She hadn’t meant to say that last part out loud.

Thankfully, Mikey didn’t try to embarrass her. He just breathed a laugh through his nose and said, “That’s quite a crush.”

“Yeah, well,” she shrugged, a gesture of nonchalance that was doomed to fail given her previous statement.

“Are you going to do anything about it?”

“I don’t know.” She hesitated for a moment before deciding to continue. He was, after all, the only person she could talk to about this. “He always has this little toy car with him.”

Mikey froze, but didn’t say anything.

“He puts it on the desk while he works. Sometimes he holds it, running his thumb over the tires. But most the time, it just sits there. I think it could work.”

He sighed, “Why can’t you just talk to him like a normal person?”

“I will. I just want to get a sense of him first. If you were smart, you’d do the same thing with Katie.”

“Her name is Catherine. And I’m not going to do that. You never should have done that.”

“I’m glad I did. Mikey, if you felt what I felt, you’d understand.”

“It was just a dream! It doesn’t mean anything. This, right here,” he knocked on the table as if to make a point, “you and me, awake, this is what’s real.”

“I know that. But this being reality doesn’t make dreams meaningless. They’re a window.”

“Not the way you think. They’re memories. Distorted and jumbled. They can be interpreted a million different ways. But most of all, they’re private. We don’t belong in other people’s heads.”

She slumped. She couldn’t argue with him on that, not without sounding awful, and he knew it. But that didn’t mean she believed there wasn’t a middle ground. Because, selfishly, she did want to get a sense of Gabriel. And after spending thirty seconds in Catherine’s head, she felt it was important now more than ever. Because people manipulate, and they lie. But dreams, distorted and jumbled though they could be, were honest.

They finished their meal in silence, saying nothing until their waitress came by and they thanked her as she stacked their dishes and took them away.

“So, are you going to tell me where you’ve been or what?” Barbara finally asked because she wasn’t going to let him get away with leaving without fulfilling that promise.

Mikey nodded and leaned forward on his elbows, “Okay, but I need you to promise me that you’ll listen before you react. Set your judgments aside because I really need you to be happy for me. Or at least supportive.”

She didn’t know what to make of that. She scanned his worried expression. What could possibly… Oh no. Oh no. “Oh my god, Mikey, please tell me Catherine isn’t pregnant.”

“What? No! Is that really the first place your mind goes? We haven’t even… done… that.”

She laughed, mostly in relief, “What are you, saving yourself for marriage?” She’d meant it as a joke, but the way Mikey looked at her told her that was exactly what he was doing, and she laughed again, “Seriously? She does know you’re not a virgin, right?”

He sighed, that exasperated one she knew so well, the one she sometimes thought he reserved only for her, “Yes. She knows that. So does her father.”

She nearly choked, “I’m sorry, what?!”

“It’s not… He’s on the church council, so it’s unavoidable. Listen, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. I’ve been in Willow Creek, preparing to join the church. I told them everything… about my life so far. Prayed. Repented. It’s a whole process of shedding the life of sin and stepping into a new one. To walk in the Light of God.”

Barbara was speechless.

She knew Catherine was religious. She knew Mikey had been going to church with her on weekends in an attempt to be supportive. But this. This, she didn’t know what to do with. She’d never heard him talk like this before. They grew up in a secular household. Their parents were academics. Atheists even. Though, it’s not like she couldn’t understand. At least a little bit. When Dawn passed away, even Barbara questioned things. Wanted to believe in something more. Some grand design or purpose. But she knew there were no concrete answers to be had, and organized religion always gave her the ick, so she settled comfortably in agnosticism.

“B? Will you say something, please?”

She opened her mouth. Closed it again. Her voice trapped between his need for support and her need to ask him if he’d lost his fucking mind. But then one thought came barreling through in a rush, “You told them everything?”

He closed his eyes, as if he couldn’t bear to look at her when he said, “Everything.”

“Traveling?”

He nodded and opened his eyes again. “But it’s okay. I promise.”

“How is that okay?”

“They’re going to help me. Make sure it never happens again.”

“What? How? Why? I… Mikey, how many times do I have to tell you? This is a gift. It’s not a curse.”

“I disagree.”

He said it so simply that she didn’t know how to respond.

He reached out and put a hand over hers, “My baptism is on Sunday. I really want you to be there. Listen to them. Just once. And I promise you’ll understand.”

The depth of sincerity in his eyes terrified her for reasons she couldn’t quite understand. She didn’t know how she was supposed to react. Of course, he was allowed to believe in whatever he wanted to believe in. But who the fuck were these people, and could they really take away his ability to Travel?

She already felt like they were growing apart, moving in two different directions, and it made her sad, angry, maybe a little jealous, but this… This was different. She felt like a part of her was being ripped away and she couldn’t take it.

She pulled away from him and shook her head, “I’m can’t. I’m sorry. I have to go.”

And she left.

Prev // Next

Her mouth opened. A silent scream...until she awoke. 

Iris touched her chest. She was sweating. 

“Damn you,” she said to no one in particular.

She sat up from her bed, body clammy. The remnants of the Tomarang heat clung to her body, and it made her feel uncomfortable, as the temperature cools down. Iris looked outside her window; it’s late afternoon. 

She’s in Tomarang with the Selvadorada Temple Order. A necessary migration, but it's not permanent. The Watcher willed it to. But she knows they'll be back home to Belomisia, where she'll hear and feel the cool spray of the jungle waterfalls as she spars with Mata. 

It took her another moment to bring herself back in the present. The sun will come down, and the night markets will soon open. 

She decided to take a bath. It’ll cool her off, and make her forget the…dream…

Or was it a nightmare?

A foresight, perhaps. 

Iris didn’t realize she almost spent an hour in the bathtub, and the sun had began to set. She stepped out of the bathtub, and then drained it, water droplets dripping down her body. Taking a deep breath, she started to dress up.

Iris could smell the aromatic dish Chief Song is preparing as she stepped into the temple. She found Raul and Lakandiwa sprawled on the floor, asleep, as Kashvi sat on the floor, eyes closed.  

The vampire babaylan’s eyes twitched, and she smiled up at her. “Seeker Iris, have you cooled down?”

“I took a bath,” Iris replied. She took a moment to watch Raul and Lakandiwa. She could feel how hot they are just by looking at them.

“The Tomarang heat is different, no?” Kashvi said. “I miss our baths in Belomisia.”

Iris nodded. She stepped away from the group, walked to the altar, where the image of the Watcher stood. The image of Omisca. Pride swelled in her chest, knowing that the Tomarang people still believed in Her. However, she didn’t kneel nor prayed. She stood there, looking at it – gazing at it.

“Is something troubling you, Seeker?” Kashvi’s gentle voice brought her out of her trance.

Iris lowered her gaze. “…Mata’s awake, isn’t he?”

Kashvi hummed, “He went back inside to help Chief Song. He said he’ll bathe after you.”

“I’m going to the night market,” Iris said, stepping away from the altar. “I’ll meet him there.”

Kashvi watched her leave Ro Kaya Temple, a little confused.

Iris watched the vendors in the night market hawking their goods. She watched a tourist haggling a little trinket from the wares stall, and she made a face, huffing when she saw the tourist fail.

And then, she felt a gentle tug, her magic harmonizing with someone – with Mata. When she looked, he smiled at her. She looked away. 

Side by side, they stood as they watched the night market scene.

“Are you hungry, Iris?” Mata asked. “Couldn’t wait for Chief Song’s dinner, hm?”

Iris ignored his teasing, continuing watching the scene before them. Mata’s teasing grin dropped. He studied his fellow Seeker’s face. 

“Let's walk,” she only said.

“I’ve dreamt about something,” Iris started, “did you see it too?”

“I did,” Mata nodded. “I saw the Watcher enjoying her excursion with Diego. They’ve been lounging all day in the monastery pool.”

This caught her attention. Different dreams? This couldn’t be. Both of them dream the same thing. 

As they approached the Lotus Plaza, Mata continued to describe his dream.

“And then the Watcher looked at me, straight in the eye,” Mata continued, “She was about to say something, but I woke up.” Sighing, “I’ll have to apologize to Her in the next dream.”

Iris paused. Mata noticed and stopped walking. “What’s wrong?”

“Mata,” her eyebrows knitted, “I didn’t have that dream.”

His smile faded a little. 

“Mata, we have always had the same dream. We see it the same, as if we’re both there,” Iris almost growled, “What I had…it wasn’t Her talking to us. A…”

She whispered the last word, and if it wasn’t for his sharp ears, he wouldn’t be able to catch it. 

Nightmare.

When was their last nightmare? He couldn’t remember, for their Lady Creator had made sure they will never dream a nightmare ever again. Mata watched her walk towards the Lotus Statue of Morensong, before following behind.

“You’re tired, Iris,” Mata said, gently wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She could feel his magic enveloping her warmly. It's comforting. “I haven’t seen you rest well ever since the last meeting with Unit Thirteen.” 

“How could I, Mata?” Iris huffed, gently pushing him away. “The Circle is active, again. I never rested well even when they were silent, and now that they could be anywhere…”

Mata’s voice is gentle and soft. “Tell me about the nightmare.”

She took a deep breath, eyes closed. “Let’s not – ”

“Tell me.” Mata touched her elbow.

Her fingers lightly touched her lips.

“I was walking down the old streets in Willow Creek…and then the pavement...softened. It made me unstable, as if the whole world wasn’t real. As if the whole world was unstable. I blinked. And then everything got dark. I was in the dark. Then a voice called me – called my name. The name I vowed to forget. My birth name. I screamed...and then I woke up.”

Iris cast her eyes downwards, and without missing a beat, arms wrapped around her, and she melted in her fellow Seeker’s embrace. 

Deep into the night, when all the monici had retired to their rooms after their evening prayer and meditation, Iris found herself walking into the temple. Later, Mata found her meditating above the carpet. 

“Are you not tired?” He asked. 

“I’m not,” she replied without looking back nor opening her eyes.

“Scared of the nightmare?” he teased.

Iris huffed, losing her form. “No, it’s too hot in the bedroom.”

Mata joined her on the carpet as she sat down. “It’s not. I’ve recast a cooling spell around Ro Kaya. You broke it when you were having a nightmare. I think that was what the Watcher was about to say to me in the dream.”

She fell silent. 

“We could sleep here together,” Mata smiled.

He didn’t hear anything but a sharp huff. They sat there for a while, Iris just staring down at the carpet. Not too long after, she laid down. 

“You love that clover leaf earring from the Pupil, don’t you?” Mata teased again. “You have never removed that when you got it from the mail.”

He saw her closing her eyes with a huff. Mata chuckled. 

Silence fell over them. Mata could feel the connecting magic he and Iris shared. It’s warm, it’s beating steadily. It comforts him, like a blanket, wrapping him, protecting him from harm. And then, he felt its beating slowing down. 

Iris went deep into slumber, and Mata is there to stay, not allowing his fellow Seeker fall into the dark tendrils of a nightmare.