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- ahh the hot water soothes my open sores

Immediately ruining decades of graceful maneuvering to avoid discussion of the specific details of her upbringing, area woman Marissa Allen’s accidental mention of her guest house Thursday reportedly blew years of subterfuge to conceal her family’s wealth from friends. “No, no, it’s really more of a pool house, actually,” said Allen, unsuccessfully attempting to walk back the momentary slip that completely burned years of precisely worded text messages, emails, and conversations about her family life. 

At last providing a definitive answer to fans’ endless speculation, Sopranos creator and executive producer David Chase confirmed Tuesday that Tony Soprano died at the end of every episode in the series. “People have been asking me for a clear answer for a long, long time, so here it is: Yes, all 86 episodes of the show end with Tony Soprano dying,” the seven-time Emmy winner says in a newly released director’s cut of the behind-the-scenes documentary Wise Guy: David Chase And The Sopranos, revealing that the fictional mob boss was fatally shot, strangled, stabbed, bludgeoned, incinerated, and blown up over and over again throughout the show’s six-season run.